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Adam Maxwell - Cat Chaser

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Adam Maxwell Cat Chaser

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The Defective Detective Cat Chaser Adam Maxwell Published 2010 Tags - photo 1
The Defective Detective Cat Chaser Adam Maxwell Published 2010 Tags - photo 2
The Defective Detective : Cat Chaser
Adam Maxwell

Published: 2010
Tag(s): "defective detective" "dark comedy" novella Humorhumour detective mystery suspense humourous comedy funny taxidermythriller crime investigation

For Eve

Prologue

T here was anotherhorrendous thud against the door of the storeroom we were hidingin. Erin screamed as the force of it threw her down to theground. I scrambled forward to take her place, barricading usin.
I told you, you stupid, stupid, man! she screamed, pickingherself up and leaning against one of the metal shelving units thatsliced the room into three tight rows.
I tried to glare at her but another thump against the doordestroyed my composure. She stared back, her eyes wide,mascara beginning to fracture and invade the bags under hereyes.
I pushed back against the door, my feet unable to find purchase andtried without success to get my mobile out of my trouserpocket.
Jacob, I said. Can you reach into my trouserpocket?
Lori giggled instinctively, her hand going up to cover her mouthbut she winced in pain as her arm moved.
You what? said Jacob.
My phone, its Never mind, come here and brace thedoor.
Jacob nodded and did as he was instructed. I shifted myselfand grabbed my phone. Still no signal.
It wont work, said Erin. I keep telling you. Youcant get a signal anywhere in this place, can you Lori?
Lori shook her head.

Well is there another way out of here? I asked no one inparticular. The wall shook from the force of another attackbut the sound of splintering plaster on the other side seemed to becoming from a little further down the corridor this time.

Erm, well, Jacob began. I think
Oh shut up, Jacob for all our sakes, Erin snapped before turningand pointing one of her hyper-manicured talons at me. Andanyway, its no use putting you in charge. Youll just fallasleep again.
She tilted her head slightly to one side and pouted.
Now hang on a minute, said Jacob but I held up the palm of myhand to stop him.
Erin had a point, maybe shed spotted that I was starting to gomaybe she hadnt. I could feel my lids weighing me down andId nearly succumbed to sleep twice but somehow I would keep ittogether. And the first step towards that was very, verysimple.
Can you please shut your cake-hole you bitter harpy, I made sureeach word was spoken carefully, softly and slowly.
Her bottom lip dropped, leaving her mouth hanging open. I gotthe feeling she didnt encounter many people with spines.
Right then, we really need to get out of here before I pointedand, right on cue the wall shook, the impact of the attack knockingover one of the shelving units and scattering bleach bottles andsponges everywhere. Before that getsin.
My head fell forward but I fought back the sleep again.
Lori, I continued, dropping down onto my haunches next toher. How are you doing?
I er well, she said, her hand cradling her shoulder. Scared. And I think I might need to go to the loo.
You, I said pointing at Erin who had resorted to scowling atme. Can you look after Lori, please?
To her credit Erin didnt hesitate, her face snapping out of thescowl and into concern. An empty shell of a woman she may bebut she knew how to put on a maternal act even if she couldnt feelthe emotions.
Okay, Jacob, I turned around and smiled. You get the bestjob, my friend.
The best job to the man who shares an office with the cleaner?Erin muttered through her smile. And wheres that lazycaretaker anyway? Hiding as usual Ill wager.
I turned to Erin and raised an eyebrow. She turned back toLori.
The best job? said Jacob. Brilliant. What do youneed me to do Mr. Barnum?
Please stop calling me Mr. Barnum, the urge was becoming too muchnow, I knew any moment I was going to have to give in to it.
Sorry, he smiled. I suppose were past formalities now,eh?
I nodded. First I need you to barricade the door with one ofthose metal shelves. And then I want you to see if you cankick a hole through that partition wall. We should be able toget out I reckon.
You know, I reckon youre right.
Oh and do me a favour? there was another thunderous bang againstthe door.
Yeah?
Catch

~*~

Chapter

A ctually,hang on a minute, Im getting ahead of myself here arent I? Sorry. That happens sometimes. I suppose thatseemed to be the most important bit. In the storeroom but inactual fact it probably isnt going to make a great deal of senseuntil I tell you about what happened before.
Sorry. Its just that I think you need to understandhow these things come together. I didnt just wake up in astoreroom full of people like that. Stuff happenedfirst. I should tell you about it, I think.
Well, it was my first day, my first proper case. MrForsyth, the head of the agency, had called me to his office tobrief me personally. Apparently that never usually happens soas you can imagine I was absolutely crapping myself. And thatjust exacerbates the narcolepsy.
I mean, I knew that he knew about it but I didnt want it toscrew up the chances of me keeping this job. Not on the firstday. Not in the first briefing.
Fortunately for me Forsyth was a talker. He loved thesound of his own voice and didnt pay a great deal of attention toanything else that was going on around him. There was, ofcourse, another side to this. I wasnt entirely convincedthat he hadnt simply employed me as a comic aside. In whichcase he was just waiting for me to fall asleep.
And, again, that just made it worse.
So, Forsyth had been in monologue mode for a minute or sobut he seemed to be coming to a point of sorts. Your firstcase, my boy.
Yes? I said. I couldnt help feeling a bit ofexcitement underneath everything else. I mean, I was going toget to be a private detective. Im really looking forward toit.
He laughed and patted me on the shoulder then turned to facea painting of someone fat and monocled on the wall behindhim.
You will begin by

~*~

gone missing. This is your number one priority. Lava Corpare absolutely rabid to get their property back as you canimagine.
My head snapped upright and I inhaled sharply.
Are you getting all of this? said Forsyth, turning to faceme once more.
Er, I said. So far so good. Number onepriority.
Yes. Indeed. Were going to lock the shuttersof the shop. That way therell be no escape for yourprize.
My prize?
The prize. Fancy a brandy?
Er, no. Thank you but no, Id better not, I said,the wave coming back. I had to get the prize. Whatprize? Oh shit.
Probably for the best. Dont want you drunk as wellas falling asleep on the job do we? he turned to a small table onthe other side of the office. So, where was I? Ohyes. Vince from Lava Corp was fairly convinced he knowswhoever has stolen their property personally.
Yes?
Well, stands to reason doesnt it? Forsyth snapped. Dont interrupt again.
Right.
Okay. Taxidermy

~*~

quite the tricky character this Ms Pingoveno. Nevertrust a woman who calls herself Ms, eh Clint myboy?
I opened my eyes as wide as I could, trying to pin them tomy skull. Forsyth turned around. He scowled at me andwaved his brandy.
Have some balls man, dont look so scared, he said.
I snapped my face back into what I would have described as anormal expression. Not scared, sir, I just had cramp orsomething in my cheek.
I repeated the facial tick, widening my eyes as far as Icould, then squinting, widening and squinting. He took a slugof his brandy and raised an eyebrow.

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