D.J. Sharry - Persona Medusa: A Tale of Selective Mutism & Social Anxiety
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A boy stands on a threshold between light and dark, an intense anxiety rises up within him, robs his voice and pushes him into the dark, he must make peace and unite with this anxiety in order to regain his voice and step into the light.
Persona Medusa is the story of a boy, DJ, who upon starting school is struck by an overwhelming force of anxiety. The anxiety is so strong that he physically cannot speak or move a muscle when the expectation to speak is on him. This anxiety disorder is known as Selective Mutism. He continues to experience the same anxiety and paralysis of voice and body each day at every expectation to speak such as, the roll call, class-mates trying to speak to him, his pencil breaking, his paint brush drying, the teachers asking him questions, break times and worst of all being unable to ask to use the toilet. DJ has a safe place home where he can speak and move freely but this is slowly eroded by the immense anxiety that attacks him in his away from home life. The anxiety and shame follows DJ as he leaves school, starts college, travels, enters the work force, makes and loses friends and falls in love with his future wife, Anita. With his marriage coming up DJ decides he wants to give a speech but first he must make peace with the intense anxiety that confronted him at the age of four on the school classroom threshold which muted him in voice and expression. DJ goes to a therapist who talks him through his experiences and feelings and helps him reconnect with himself. His wedding day arrives and DJ steps up to make his speech.......
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PERSONA MEDUSA
A Tale of Selective Mutism & SocialAnxiety
Some names have been changed in this bookto protect the privacy of the people involved.
Cover Illustration http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:A_man_being_hunted_by_a_beast,_Bhimbetka_Cave_paintings.jpg#metadata by Raveesh Vyaas http://flickr.com/photos/32392356@N04 is licensed under CC BY SA 2.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en
Cover design byLogofvr
Copyright 2015 by D.J. Sharry
All rights reserved. This book or anyportion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever withoutthe express written permission of the publisher except for the use of briefquotations in a book review or scholarly journal.
First Printing: 2015
D.J. Sharry
Ashbourne, Meath, Ireland
To my lovely wife Anita.
Thank you.
I would like to thank Kristin Linklater forwriting the extraordinary book Freeing the Natural Voice.
My wedding was coming up. The choice ofmaking a speech or not had been presented to me. I had decided to make aspeech. I wanted to make a speech.
I had little over a year to prepare and thefirst thing I had to deal with was what happened to me when I first entered theschool classroom at the age of four.
When I stood on that threshold anunmerciful torrent of anxiety rose up inside me and engulfed me whole.
I stopped speaking suddenly. For mythirteen years of school I was paralyzed. Since then my body has grown strongerand more able to contain the swipes and rips of the anxiety. By the time I madeit into my twenties some sounds were even able to come out, though, I stillwould be known as the quiet one had I joined a monastery full of monks who hadtaken a vow of silence.
I had a safe area, home, which was the onlyplace I could speak freely, but this safeness gradually became eroded by theimmense anxiety that ate away at me in my away from home life.
I had often searched for a reason for thatsudden stop sign in my life. If there was just a pinpoint of a bad thing thathad happened then I could put my finger on it and deal with it but there was nothingvery much out of the ordinary that happened in my first four years.
I had become accustomed to avoidinganything associated with not speaking, I would put down books when I came uponthe word shy, would avoid any social event for dread of the word quiet.
I then stopped and purposefully entered theterm shyness into an internet search engine, it threw up Selective Mutism.
I decided that for me to make that speech Iwould have to deal with the Selective Mutism issue in some way. I arranged to seea hypno-therapist.
The hypno-therapist brought me on a journeythrough my experiences so far in life. She spoke to me about being disconnectedfrom my-self and the only way to reconnect was to feel these experiences again.
This book is an attempt to reconnect withmy body and make peace with the anxiety by assigning my experiences a vertebraas I drop down my spine on a journey to my animal center in my sacral nerveplexi.
The spark of this book was ignited in thehypno-therapists room as I was stuck between the grinding stones of my past andfuture.
Imagine you are walkingthrough a savannah. You hear a low growl. You see a tiger burst out from thelong grass. There is nowhere to run.
Our hero hears that low growl in everysocial situation and is standing in front of that tiger every time he is expectedto speak. This millennia old survival mechanism gone awry is known as SelectiveMutism.
Being mute in a social world, despitehaving the ability to speak, has led to puzzlement from people, some haveattacked, some have befriended. Mostly our heros life has run parallel to theintersecting lives of others but inevitably paths cross.
The memories of these crossings have becomeobjects in our he-ros head where his mind is stuck.
Our hero is getting married and is expectedto give a wedding speech. He must deal with these objects and find his voice.
Our hero takes a journey out of his head.He travels down the vertebrae of his spine. Along the way he encounters theseobjects of obstruction which he looks back on through the imagined reflectivepool in his pelvic basin. Each object is illuminated and slayed of theirmenace.
Our hero comes to rest at the base of hisspine in the sacral nerve plexi, his animal instinctual center. He puts his armaround the stalking tiger and both predator and prey make peace with each otherand unite.
Our hero steps up to make his speech.
Persona
Thatthrough which sound passes
Medusa
Theterror that turns the onlooker to stone
I should go intothe other room and say hello its getting near finishing time I will have toget up and say goodbye that deadline theres time yet please dont ring Ishould ring a cup of tea no I might meet someone on the way to the kitchenstaff meeting on Friday no no no were you at that meeting its too late to gointo the other room now wedding speech me thats ridiculous computer isshutting down Ill have to announce my departure now. Tlee you tomorrow
I had to finish work on time to make itover for my appointment with my hypno-therapist. As I left my room I heard comingfrom the room across the hall computers shutting down, footsteps and rustling.My heart jumped into my mouth. I quickened my pace. I reached the stairs. Ilooked forward to the landing and turning the first corner. Their eyes couldnot see around corners. It would be like a shield on my back. I imagined themcoming out of their room and not seeing me. I made it. I headed down the stairsquickly. I dropped my feet heavy on each step as a form of alarm bell to alertothers of my coming. I heard movement and laughter on the ground floor. Howdo they always have something to laugh about? I slowed my pace. I hadntbeen quick enough to make it out before the downstairs office. Now there was adelicate balancing act to perform. Too slow and those above would reach me andpass me. I would be expected to say something. Too fast and Id bump into mycolleagues from downstairs. I would be expected to say something. I heard themshouting and laughing and then the front door open and bang shut. Theyreout. I imagined them walking past the front of the building and turning thecorner. I quickened my pace again. I heard my boss on the phone in the roomacross from the stairs. Its the landline Im safe there. The footstepsbehind me were getting closer. I broke into a dash. I made the door and was out.Cool outside air fell into me. I turned and walked slowly and coolly past the frontwindow in case anyone left in the downstairs office might be looking out. Icould see the corner. The others must be well gone by this stage. Iheard the door bang shut behind me. Theyre outside too dont turn around.I walked briskly. I kept my head down. My car was there in front of me. I tookmy keys out with dishonest nonchalance. Thanked God that I had a buzzer. I wasin and safe. I looked at my phone as my colleagues swarmed past me and intotheir cars. I hadnt said a word to my colleagues all day. Maybe tomorrow.
I drove and thought. The therapist wasgoing to lead me on a journey through the things that were blocking my growthas a fully rounded person and professional. I was ready for this. I was sick ofliving from the neck up.
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