K Bartholomew [Bartholomew - Zombie Revolution

A woman who was flown back to Britain from a Kenyan safari trip after being bit by a thought to be extinct De Brazza monkey succumbed to her fever last night. Only hours after arriving in Africa, Angela Walker (49) was bitten by one of the rarest animals on earth.

Hospital sources at Leeds General Infirmary announced the death at 20:15. We are sorry to announce the death of Mrs Angela Walker and our condolences go out to her family and friends at this time. We were unable to treat her due to the unique strain she had contracted from the monkey.

This case hit the headlines late last week when it emerged Mrs. Walker would be only the second person to contract rabies in the UK in the last 20 years. However, hospital staff later confirmed Mrs. Walker did not have rabies, but some other unknown disease. Symptoms exhibited were at first similar to those of rabies, stated Doctor Welland, Chief Epidemiologist at Leeds. The patient suffered from muscle spasms, delirium and hydrophobia, symptoms consistent with rabies. It was only when Mrs. Walker exhibited changes in complexion, loss of eyesight and became aggressive towards her family members did we then examine a sample of her blood under the microscope. We then confirmed the strain contracted by the patient in Africa was not rabies, but of a previously unknown disease.

The family would like to thank hospital staff and the many ordinary people around the country who have sent their well wishes. They ask that they now be left alone to grieve in these most trying of times.

O h yes, Im briefed up. I assume hell go on the new jobless figuresWhat?...Or that. Either jobless or the rise in gas prices, either way itll be a normal Wednesday. How about the surprise questions?...Really? You think?...Bells thinks itll be the NHS worker on two salaries and Steve reckons well get that God awful airport incident with the hip replacement chap having to drop his briefsHuh?...No a couple more minutes, theres a large protest on Parliament StreetJust another WednesdayOh, I dont know, lets seeLooks like North Korea. Anyway, Ive got to go, last minute preps. Say hi to the French Foreign Minister.

The Prime Ministerial car slowed as it negotiated the protesters. The man sat in the back stared deliberately forwards as knuckles banged against the bullet proof glass, insults were screamed and fingers were flipped, just another day. The sirens from the police motorbikes startled the crowd as they were pushed back on the paving. The motorcade increased in speed for the final approach to Parliament, armed police opened the Carriage Gates and the motorcade passed swiftly through. The Jaguar Land Rover rumbled into the space designated Prime Minister and stopped.

The Prime Minister, David Sterling, sprang from the car and paced through the Members Entrance.

Prime Minister, theyll go on the jobless figures. The Work and Pensions Minister confirmed, heading Sterling off in the lobby.

Yes, Im well briefed, dont worry Tom. I suggest you keep a low profile today, itll blow over. He looked away from the minister and toward the young brunette rushing across from the cloister. Ah, Bells? Bells, get me the Scottish Secretary for one.

Yes, Prime Minister, two minutes. Youre giving me a heart attack today, sir.

Bloody protesters. If war comes it wont even be till after the election.

They should wait, Prime Minister.

They could do us all the courtesy of waiting till after the election. Thank God the medias on side.

Not The Mirror, Prime Minister.

Never the bloody Mirror, Bells.

Sterling entered the House of Commons chamber from the side of the Speaker, which made it hard to avoid the vile mans grimace and tapping of watch. He slid in behind the dispatch box between the Chancellor of the Exchequer and the Deputy Prime Minister, his coalition partner. Apologies. Bloody protesters. Hes going on the jobless figures.

The Deputy Prime Minister was glancing around for his other colleague. Did the Work and Pensions Minister suddenly remember he had more pressing business?

I didnt catch that Nigel, cant hear a thing in here, sorry. Sterling shifted to glance at his back benchers, grimacing at their volume. Why were they so happy? Today was the third quarter in a row jobless figures had increased. In case they werent aware, there was an election in six months.

The Speaker stood and called the house to order. Number one, Prime Minister.

Sterling stood and leaned into the dispatch box before reeling off the line he now knew by heart. This morning I had meetings with ministerial colleagues and others. In addition to my duties in the House, I shall have further such meetings later today.

Chiles Warburton! The Speaker declared to huge cheers from the opposition benches.

Warburton, Leader of the Opposition, waited for his backbenchers to fade. Prime Minister, in the last quarter, unemployment has risen by an extra 77,000. At the last general election, you stated your aim was to get Britain back to work. Why were you lying to the British people?

Deafening roars from the opposition benches made it hard for Sterling to think. He watched as the pip squeak Shadow Chancellor, an odious little man, pointed and laughed in an effort to distract him. Sterling raised an eyebrow toward the Speaker. You cannot accuse the Prime Minister of lying in the House of Commons, why wasnt he demanding a withdrawal?

Conceding to let it go, Sterling looked down to his script, safety. I recall that under your party, youth unemployment reached 900,000. Unemployment reached 2.5 million and we had more children in workless households than at any time in our history. We can all thank the opposition for that. Would that wretched little man sit still and stop pointing his fat finger, shouting, distracting. The whole bloody mess was half his fault. It is under this coalition government that were offering private business cash incentives for taking on under 25s. It is under this government that were stopping national insurance tax on all new employees for the first two years of employment. It is under this government that were finally cleaning up the mess that the opposition created and I hardly find it a surprise that you dont support the measures weve taken.

Sterling sat as Chiles Warburton stood again; one down, five to go and then on to questions from the backbenchers. As long as they remained mum about North Korea then it might be an easy run up to the election. A cross-party consensus on supporting the war was already in place, the media had spent the last few years building a case for it and no mainstream party would defy the press. The only potential problems were the odd rogue politician but a list had already been drawn of these rascals and handed to the Speaker, who would not call upon them to speak, at least not during Prime Ministers Questions, when the TV audience was comparably large.