Beresford - The Last of the Haussmans

For J.M. LewthwaiteThe Last of the Haussmans was first performed in the Lyttelton auditorium of the National Theatre, London, on 19 June 2012 (previews from 12 June), with the following cast:

A woman, LIBBY, stands in the garden, smoking. Facing her is a man, NICK. Hes unshaven and unkempt with nicotine-stained fingers, almost like a tramp but with a faint air of the exotic about him. LIBBY. I know you havent been looking after yourself because your nail varnish is chipped. And youre incredibly thin. NICK.

Ive always been thin. LIBBY. Not like that. Beat. Hello, anyway. NICK. LIBBY. LIBBY.

Do you want something to eat? I dont know what there is. Ritz Crackers? For some reason shes got boxes of the things. NICK. Really, Im fine. LIBBY. NICK. NICK.

Im alright actually, Libby. Thank you. Ill just have a drink please. Dying for a drink. LIBBY goes to fetch a glass. Where is she? LIBBY. NICK. NICK.

Am I ? Do I have to go up? LIBBY. Youd never wake her anyway. She sleeps all day and gets up when shes hungry. Shes like a fucking badger. NICK. Is she ? I mean Do I have to prepare myself? LIBBY.

What do you mean? NICK. For the I mean is she changed? LIBBY. Jesus, Nick, youre not going to get stupid about this, are you? She had a melanoma so small it was removed with a local anaesthetic. Okay? NICK. Alright. LIBBY.

Its not Terms of Endearment. LIBBY hands him a glass. Pause. I had a lot of trouble tracking you down this time. None of the numbers I had for you worked. I was worried. NICK. LIBBY. LIBBY.

I spoke to who knows how many people. NICK. I move around. LIBBY. Someone said youd left your job. NICK.

Who? LIBBY. I dont know. Chris or something. Tim. NICK. Rory? LIBBY.

I dont know. Everyone passed me on to someone else. I got the impression you were sleeping on floors. I rang that guy in the end. What was his name? The one that you Sandy? I never knew if you two were lovers. We werent. Exactly. LIBBY. LIBBY.

He told me youd gone to Corfu. NICK. I was living in this awful place, Lib. The people were Somebody was trying to kill me. Seriously. LIBBY. LIBBY.

Why? NICK. With a circular saw. LIBBY. Why, I said. Not how. Oh. Nothing. Nothing.

Housing benefit. And Id heard about this amazing sort of beach community in Corfu. It sounded so wonderful. Just surrounded by sea and sky and space. So I fucked off. LIBBY.

To Corfu? NICK. To Bristol. I couldnt quite raise the funds for Corfu. But I had a friend in Bristol. Lois. Remember her? She lost her leg.

She was in my recovery programme. Lois. The Quaker. Beat. Quaker now. Used to be a glue-sniffer. Anyway.

Thats How long have you been here? LIBBY. Couple of weeks. NICK. And whats she like? I mean, apart from LIBBY. The same. She suddenly stops. Shes writing her memoirs. NICK. NICK.

Her what? LIBBY. Shes writing a fucking book. LIBBY has picked up a Dictaphone. She presses play. We hear JUDYs voice. JUDY (on Dictaphone). LIBBY. LIBBY.

Shes listen. Fast-forward. Play. JUDY (on Dictaphone). And you open like a flower LIBBY. Hang on a minute. Fast-forward again, impatiently. JUDY (on Dictaphone).

Rice noodles Fast-forward again. The spitting image of Burt Reynolds. NICK. Does it matter? LIBBY. Of course it matters. Do you want her version of events floating around out there? Unchallenged? NICK. LIBBY. LIBBY.

Youd be surprised what theyd publish. She sits here, night after night, dictating it to and this is the other thing her new best friend. NICK. Who? LIBBY. This doctor. NICK.

Dr Mays? LIBBY. No Dr Mays? Dr Mays is dead. NICK. Is he? LIBBY. Of course. What did you think he was going to do? Limp on for ever? This is the new GP.

Only, hes an old hippy, isnt he? Sits here and drinks with her, night after night. Plays the guitar. How that can be good for her, Joan Baez and Bob fucking Dylan till three in the morning. And you should see the way he looks at me. NICK. Oh? LIBBY.

Jesus Christ. I dont know why I attract these old men. Little pause. Shell be down in a minute. NICK. What exactly happened? LIBBY. What do you mean? NICK.

With the raid Is that what we call it? LIBBY. It isnt funny. What made it worse, the health visitor was Jackie Miller. NICK. Who? LIBBY. Her mother used to clean here.

Couldnt wait to get over the threshold. Dear me, she kept saying. Its been very difficult to cope, hasnt it? Eyes on stalks. NICK. Jesus, Im nervous. LIBBY.

Why? NICK. Perhaps Ill have another. LIBBY. Weve got three months. And then we get another check. They want to see significant improvements.

I told them, its not going to happen overnight. But we need to do this, Nick. For us. I mean, this cancer has really brought it home to me. We could Well. Theres no reason why we shouldnt Beat. I dont know about you, but Im sick of wandering around without a proper home.

SUMMER has walked out. You remember Summer. NICK. What? Summer? That cant be Summer. SUMMER. Im pretty sure it is. NICK.

But shes LIBBY. Fifteen. (To SUMMER.) Are you hungry? Im the only person in this house who eats. Im going to wake her in a minute. This is ridiculous. LIBBY disappears. NICK.

Do you know who I am? Im Nick. Im your Uncle Nick. SUMMER. I know. NICK. SUMMER. Right. NICK. NICK.

A very tiny little girl. SUMMER. Yeah. Thats how we start out. NICK gets another drink. NICK. So Are you? SUMMER.

What did my mum say to you? NICK. What? SUMMER. About me? Did she slag me off? NICK. No. SUMMER. Shes got a lot of anger, dont you think? NICK.

Your mum? SUMMER. She carries it. Have you ever tried living with someone like that? NICK. Yes. Yes. I have, as a matter of fact.

He was a roofer. To tell you the truth, Im quite frightened of her. SUMMER. Shes frightened of you. NICK. SUMMER. She is. She is.

Shes frightened youll get back on the smack. NICK. What do you know about that? SUMMER. I can remember it. When they found you in that flat and Mum brought you back here. I was six.