Bernard - Transforming the void: embryological discourse and reproductive imagery in East Asian religions

By Christine Bernard

COPYRIGHT 2019 CHRISTINE BERNARD

ISBN 978-0-6399846-4-3 ( ebook )

978-0-6399846-5-0 ( print )

All characters; events and establishments in this publication, other than those clearly in the public domain, are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental .

The moral right of the author has been asserted .

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the author .

Cover Design by: Warren Bernard. www.flatwhiteimages.com

T his book is set in Australia, and, in order to retain authenticity, uses local spelling and slang. Words like colour, centre, and realise are therefore not spelling mistakes, but part of the language conventions of the country .

T wo down, three to go. I always knew they wouldnt last, but some had already surprised me more than others. I zoomed in on pod one, and increased the volume. The pods were interesting to me, each one in their own way, but I had a strong suspicion there would be only one winner at the end. The difference between the contestants was glaringly obvious, and with each passing minute their inner strengths were showing signs of depletion. I wasnt surprised. Id already tried this challenge myself and failed dismally. I hadnt had the motivation for money, so I knew theyd last a little longer. Watching them unravel had been interesting, and for someone who had always been so against reality TV, I was now glued to the screens. I had barely slept since theyd been in. I could watch the tapes back whenever I wanted, but there was something far more exciting about events unfolding in real time, especially since some of them seemed so close to their breaking point. The fresh faces that had gone in at the start had changed far quicker than I had thought they would. They seemed to have aged inside, the lack of sleep and activity aging them at triple speed. I was already an old codger, so it was good I was on the outside looking in. As I watched, I wondered what would happen if I prolonged their stay without them knowing. It would make for good telly, wouldnt it? To see how much further they would push themselves, and to see what the mind was capable of. It would be fascinating. Was it legal? Probably not. I was already pushing the boundaries with this idea. Sure, there was no actual show yet, but that didnt matter. It would get snapped up after they saw the footage. I already had some incredible moments on film. And hey, if the show didnt get picked up, Id just pay the contestants myself. What could go wrong ?

I peered in again, switching over to pod three. As I did, a sudden pain shot through my arm, and my chest tightened almost instantaneously. I was old enough to have experienced many medical issues, but this was unlike anything Id felt before. It felt as if someone was squeezing me, and I couldnt get out of their grip. I shut my eyes and drew several deep breaths to calm myself. When I opened my eyes again, I felt moderately better. The squeezing had eased to a slight embrace, as if an invisible man was holding me. I tried to shake him off. What the hell was that all about ?

R yan

I tried to explain to my father what I did for a living for the hundredth time, although I wasnt sure why I bothered. We were sitting in his living room, a place I abhorred, while my mother made tea for us. My parents were greatthey werebut they seemed years behind the rest of the world .

Dad, I said through gritted teeth, Ive already told you what I do. Anyway, what do you tell people when they ask you ?

He shrugged. I tell them youre into computers .

I chuckled. Dad! Thats completely wrong. Is that why Uncle Pete asked me to fix his laptop the other day? Thats not what I do .

I know. I know. Its only what I tell them. I know what you do. You work on the Tube. I just dont really know what you do there .

Its called YouTube, and I dont work on it. I upload videos to it. Im a social media influencer. I show people the best products on the market. My latest video reached over a million viewers. Pretty impressive for a guy who works in computers, huh? I smiled and turned to my mother, who had come in with a tray of tea. The tray rattled as she walked, and as she put it down, I noticed not all the cups were clean. I wiped mine with the edge of my sleeve when she wasnt looking. Shed always been so particular about cleanliness. Thank you, I said to her. Mum, you know what I do, dont you ?

Sure, you get free stuff sent to you for reviews .

I sighed. She made it seem so trivial. Well, yes, but thats not all I do. I have access to a huge audience. Companies come to me because they can trust me. Its actually a pretty big deal .

I wish I got free stuff. I can make videos, too, my father said. I decided not to tell him hed probably do quite well if he were to try this. There was something about my father that people gravitated toward. The things that irritated me most about him were the things other people found endearing .

Dont listen to your father. I think what youre doing is fantastic. Im very proud of you .

I changed the subject before I got too annoyed and listened to my parents talk about their weekend plans. A spot of gardening for my father, and a trip to the hairdresser for my mother. One plan each, and yet we spent the next hour discussing it in detail. My father liked to talk about his endless pursuit of weed removal, while my mother discussed different hairstyle options despite her continuing with the same style shed had for thirty years. It was riveting stuff. I listened, or, at least, I pretended to, because despite wondering if I was adopted every time I saw them, they were my parents. It often felt as if we were from different planets, but they werent bad people .

W ell, I better get going. I have a meeting to get to, I said the moment my father finished what felt like the longest story in the world. Who knew there were that many ways to get rid of weeds? I stood up, and the three of us made our way to the front door .

You have meetings at Yute Tube? he asked, and I resisted the urge to correct him. I was starting to think he might be having me on .

Yes, we have meetings. Like I said, its an actual job .

He nodded. Well, see if you can get me some free herbicides for the garden .

Dad, thats not how it works. I groaned. Itsoh, you know what, never mind. I better get going. Thanks for the tea, Mum. Ill see you both next week .

Sure you dont want to stay for something to eat ?

No, I have to head off .

T here was no meeting to go to, and I felt a little bad at the deception, but I was tired of my parents thinking I didnt have a real job. I knew the word meeting would resonate with my old-fashioned father. Perhaps Id even throw in the word payday next time. Not that I really knew what that was either. Id never had a proper job, and I cringed as the thought crossed my mind. This was a proper job. I was falling into my fathers ways. I couldnt help myself. It always happened when I spent too much time with him. It was why I only visited once a week for tea. I did quite well for myself, and for the most part I was generally proud Id managed to snub the system my father had complained about his whole life. Was that why he pretended not to know what I did? Was he just jealous? Whatever the reason, I needed to go home and unwind. The visit had left me feeling strange, and I had no idea why .