Higgins - Just One of the Guys

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

CHAPTER THIRTY

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

EPILOGUE

As ever, I am grateful to Maria Carvainis,
my kind and brilliant agent;

To Tracy Farrell and Keyren Gerlach for their enthusiasm and support of this book;

To fellow writer Rose Morris, my dear friend
and perfect reader;

and to Beth Emery, head coach of womens crew at Wesleyan University, who patiently answered my questions about rowing.

And most especially, thanks to Terence Keenan, my dear husband, who advised, laughed and cooked while I wrote this book, and to my two wonderful kids. You three are the loves of my life.

I THINK WE SHOULD STOP SEEING each other.

My jaw drops. I inhale sharply, and the stuffed mushroom I just popped in my mouth is sucked right into my esophagus. Jason continues, unaware of my distress. Its run its course, dont you think? I mean, its not like weve

Seems like my little old air passage is completely plugged. My eyes are tearing, my chest convulses Before you break up with me, Jason, would you mind a little Heimlich? I slam my hand down on the table, rattling the china and cutlery, but Jason assumes that my distress is heartbreak and not oxygen deprivation. He looks away.

Im being killed by my appetizer. I knew I shouldnt have ordered it, but Emo makes the little number drenched in butter, with little bits of garlic and parsley andum Must breathe now. Save food review for later. The pressure in my neck is building. I make a fist, wedge it just below my sternum, and slam myself into the table. The mushroom shoots out, hits a water glass and comes to a rest on the white tablecloth. I suck in an enormous breath, then begin coughing.

Jason eyes the mushroom with distaste, and without thinking, I grab it, stuff it in a napkin and take another beautiful gulp of air. Breathing. Its so underrated.

I was choking, you idiot, I manage to wheeze.

Oh. Sorry about that. Well, good thing youre okay.

Its hard for me to believe that I was even dating Jason to begin with, let alone the fact that hes dumping me. Dumping me! I should be dumping him!

I glance at the wadded-up napkin containing the instrument of my near death. The poor busboy who has to deal with that. Should I warn him? Otherwise, hell shake it out, innocent, unaware, and the unchewed mushroom will fly across the kitchen, sliding on the floor, maybe getting squashed under a shoe.

Focus, Chastity, focus. Youre being dumped. At least find out why. So, Jason, thats fine. I mean, clearly it wasnt love at first sight. But other than that, do you mind telling mewell, why?

Jason, whom I have been seeing for about three weeks, takes an impervious sip of wine and stares over my head. Do we have to dissect this, Chastity?

Well, umthink of it as my desire to gain information. I am a journalist, remember. I try a friendly smile, but Im not feeling so chummy right now. Or ever, now that I think of it. At least, not toward Jason.

Do you really want to know?

Yes, actually, I do. I pause, feeling a flush prickle its way up my chest. Our brief relationship has been tepid at best, but I thought the malaise was emanating from me. More than anything, this is a matter of wounded pride. Jason and I have been on four dates now. He lives in Albany, and its a bit of a hassle to make the drive, and sometimes neither of us is feeling that inspired. Still, I didnt see this coming.

Jasons tongue is searching for something near a back molar. His mouth contorts as his cheek bulges. I find myself hoping hell choke, too. Seems only fair. His eyes still dont bother to meet mine. Fine, he acquiesces, leaving whatever morsel lurks at the back of his mouth for later enjoyment. You want to hear the reason? I just dont find you attractive enough. Sorry.

My mouth drops open yet again. Not attractive! Not attractIm very attractive!

Jason rolls his eyes. Sure. A handsome woman. Whatever. And with shoulders like those, you could find work down on the docks.

I row! I protest. Im strong! Thats supposed to be sexy.

Yes, well, proving that you could pick me up didnt exactly set my libido on fire.

We were horsing around! I cry. It was, in fact, the one lighthearted moment in our courtshipwed been hiking, he complained that he was tired, I took over. End of story.

You gave me a piggyback ride for a mile and a half, Chastity. Thats something a Sherpa should do, not a girlfriend.

It wasnt my fault that you couldnt manage a measly twelve-mile trail!

And another thing. You yell.

I do not yell! I yell, then catch myself. I have four brothers, I say primly and much more quietly. Its not always easy to make oneself heard.

Look. Is there any point in this? Jason asks. Im sorry. I just dont find you that attractive, Chastity.

Fine. For that matter, I think you need to bathe more often, Jason. This whole Seattle-grunge-patchouli thing is so 1990s. Its not a bad comeback, but my face is burning nonetheless.