Table of Contents
Also by Erica Bauermeister
FICTION
The School of Essential Ingredients
NONFICTION
500 Great Books by Women: A Readers Guide
with Jesse Larsen and Holly Smith
Lets Hear It for the Girls: 375 Great Books for Readers 2-14
with Holly Smith
G. P. PUTNAMS SONS
Publishers Since 1838 Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R oRL, England Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephens Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R oRL, England
Copyright 2011 by Erica Bauermeister
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the authors rights. Purchase only authorized editions.
Published simultaneously in Canada
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bauermeister, Erica.
Joy for beginners. / Erica Bauermeister.
p. cm.
eISBN : 978-1-101-51604-1
1. Female friendshipFiction. 2. Self-actualization (Psychology) in womenFiction. I. Title.
PS3602.A9357Y
813.6dc22
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.
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For Gloria and Marjorie
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
Mary Oliver
PROLOGUE
Life came back slowly, Kate realized. It didnt come flooding in with the reassurance that all was well. The light outside was no different; her daughters body, the strength of her hug, was not necessarily more substantial. The delicate veil Kate had placed between herself and the world was not flung away. It clung.
But life is persistent, slipping into your consciousness sideways, catching you with a fleeting moment of color, the unexpected and comforting smell of a neighbors dinner cooking as you walk on a winter evening, the feeling of warm water running between your fingers as you wash the dishes at night. There is nothing so seductive as reality.
THE WOMEN WERE DUE to arrive soon; it was quiet in the house, and Kate was glad of the impending company. She was still not used to being alone with her body. For the past eighteen months it had been the property of othersdoctors certainly, but also friends, relatives, her daughterits boundaries and capacities something they measured, gambled on, watched with loving or terrified or clinical eyes. Now the medical professionals had declared it hers again, handing it back like an overdue and slightly scuffed library book. In the weeks between the doctors appointment and her daughters departure for college, Kate had filled the space around them with lists and plans, shopping trips for desk lamps and extra-long twin sheets for Robins freshman dorm room. Now Robin was off and away and Kate felt sometimes as if she was living in two empty houses, one inside the other.
So it was nice to have the prospect of guests, even if they were hell-bent on jubilation. Kate had heard the excitement in her friends voices when she invited them to dinner, a thank-you for all they had done for her, she explained. But Marion had quickly renamed the evening a victory party and insisted that it be a potluck.
You wouldnt take the fun out of it for us, would you? Marion had asked.
As Kate moved about the kitchen from stove to refrigerator to sink, she passed the bulletin board that served as a central hub for reminders and memories, its surface a collage of photographs, a calendar, old ticket stubs and coupons and take-out menus. The week before Robin had left for college, she had surreptitiously added a brochure. Kate had spotted it in the morning when she came into the kitchen to make coffeethe glossy photograph leaping out at her, an extravagantly yellow raft vaulting through churning brown waves, water drops flying off its sides in rainbows. Kates friend Hadley, who had once worked in marketing, always called those photos adventure porn.
When Robin had come through the kitchen, Kate pointed to the brochure with a raised eyebrow.
Theyve got two openings for next summer, Robin said. Wouldnt it be fantastic?
Kate had looked at her daughters eyes, so full of anticipation and, deep underneath, a plea for normalcy. They had spent too much of the past year in a world full of exit doors, Kate thought. They could both use a promise that they would be here a year from now.
How could you say no? And yet as Kate had looked at the raft, the water, the size of it all, that had been exactly whatin fact the only thingshe wanted to say.
THE DOORBELL RANG, ten minutes early. Caroline, guessed Kate with an inward smile, as she opened the door.
I thought you might want some help, Caroline said as she entered, arms overflowing with a wooden salad bowl and a bottle of champagne. She put them down on the small table by the front door and gave Kate a quick, fierce hug.
What needs doing? she asked, as she headed toward the kitchen.
Kate followed her and gestured to the wrought iron table on the back patio. Caroline walked over to the silverware drawer, sidestepping around Kate, who had opened the refrigerator to get out the sour cream.
Cloth napkins? Caroline asked, a fistful of forks in her right hand.
The green ones in the sideboard.
Hows the house without Robin? Caroline called as she rummaged through the drawer in the dining room, pulling out seven napkins.
Quiet. And yours?
Empty. Caroline laughed softly. Were quite the pair, arent we?
The kitchen was quiet for a few minutes. Kate could hear the soft clink of forks against knives as Caroline set the table outside. Kate lifted the foil on the pan and the scent of melting cheese and roasted chicken, caramelized onions and a subtle undercurrent of salsa verde rose up from the pan. She inhaled memories.
The doorbell rang again.
Ill get it. Caroline went through the house to the front door. Marions here, she called out.