Bosch Pseudonymous - Bad Luck

T he Imperial Conquest had five swimming pools, four gyms, a three-story waterslide, a two-lane bowling alley, an outdoor movie theater, a giant climbing wall, a miniature golf course, an ice-cream parlor, a pizza parlor, a sushi bar, a taco stand, a twenty-four-hour arcade, an eighteen-and-under dance club, an eighteen-and-over casino (that was a little lax about its age limit), a full-service spa, and a multi-floor luxury shopping mall, but so far the thing Brett liked best about this gigantic cruise ship was the Jell-O parfait at the Lido Deck Snack Shack.

Jell-O and whipped cream. It was the perfect combination. Sweet and tangy. Rich and soft. He couldnt believe it had taken all twelve long years of his life to discover it.

Eating slowly to make his parfait last, Brett waded through the sea of sunbathers. He was the only person around who was fully clothed, not to mention wearing a bow tiesometime in the sixth grade, Brett had decided that bow ties would be his signature accessoryand as usual he got some funny looks.

A sunburned boy pointed at him. Hey, penguin, wrong cruiseNorth Pole is the other way.

You mean South Pole, Brett replied automatically. No penguins in the North. Just elves.

And next time, try a higher SPF, he thought. Lobster.

A woman squinted at him from behind her sunglasses. Are you my waiter? Wheres my drink?

I dont know, said Brett. Maybe you drank it?

By the way, Im not your waiter; my dad owns this ship, he almost added. But she probably wouldnt have believed him anyway.

Even though it happened to be true.

All he wanted to do was return to his stateroom and eat his parfait in peace. Was that too much to ask? Well, maybe just one more bite before he

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

He almost choked when the alarm sounded. Three high-pitched beeps so loud they made his head hurt.

Brett looked down in dismaya dribble of green Jell-O had landed on his bow tie. He could barely see over his chin, but he wiped it away as best he could.

) Please report to your assigned muster room immediately. This is only a drill.

Bretts muster room, the Shooting Stars Nightclub and Casino, was five floors down. As Brett entered, still clutching his parfait glass, a uniformed crew member stood onstage, trying to entertain everyone with a less-than-successful rendition of Michael Jacksons Beat It.

The crowd booed happily.

Oh, so you guys think you can do better, huh? said the crew member, pretending to be insulted. Well, our karaoke contest is tomorrow night, right after the magic show!

He nodded to the poster behind him. It showed a big pair of bunny ears sticking out of a top hat:

NOW YOU SEE HIM

NOW YOU DONT!

An Evening of Magic and Mystery

Another crew member, whose badge read MIGUEL, PHILIPPINES , scanned Bretts cruise ID card, and Brett saw his own image flash across a small video screen, along with the words VIPALL ACCESS .