Count Arthur Strong - Through it all Ive always laughed: (an autobiography of myself)

BY

COUNT ARTHUR STRONG THE AUTHOR HIMSELF

Good afternoon. Firstly, can I thank you for purchasing this book. Im sure it will prove to be a wise investment. Books do accrue in value and some of THE BOOKS OF Charless Dickenses, for instance, can exchange hands for a nice bit of money. If youre not buying it, and youve no intention of buying it, and youre just looking through it because its raining outside and youre early for the opticians, would you mind putting it neatly back on the shelf please, because youre spoiling it for someone else by thumbing all the pages and everything. I never buy the book at the front of the pile because of that. I take the third or fourth one. Also, some people dont wash their hands when theyve been to the toilet. And thats not a very nice thought to have in your head when youre buying a book. I remember reading in the paper that you shouldnt eat the nuts that they put in a bowl, in a bar because other people might not wash their hands after theyve paid a visit. In fact in this article, it said they tested the nuts off a bar and found traces of twenty eight different types of urine in the bowl. So if youre reading this and you havent washed your hands after urinating, then I think you should do the decent thing and purchase this wonderful book.

You know, when the people at Faber and Faber and Faber signed me up to write this memoir, I only had one stipulation and that was that in this book I would set out to write the truth. This book wouldnt be a dressed up version of events. This book would tell it like it was. This book would have Oliver Cromwells warts and all in it.

But at the same time I wanted this book to be more than Oliver Cromwells warts. I wanted this book to be a guide for people embarking on the showbiz journey. An aid. But not a manual of dos and donts for aspiring performers, like Peter Barkworths now sadly very dated book, About Acting, once was, once. Whilst I like Peter, and applaud him for what he was trying to do, thats just too rigid a format for someone like I am (me). So what Ill try to do, after Ive been to Lidls, is write from the heart, with the great honesty and humility thats got me where I am today.

Ive been very lucky in my life in that Ive probably achieved everything I set out to do and very much more on top of all that. If someone would have told me when I was a baby that one day I would have been in close proximity to the Queen Mother, accidentally standing on one of her bunions, I would, quite frankly, have looked at them as though they were mad. If I could have understood what they were saying to me. I must admit, Im never quite sure how much a baby can understand. Some of them look quite bright, as if they know whats going on, yet others look as though they havent got a clue. For arguments sake, lets say I was amongst the former, that did have a clue.

Now, there are many, many people to thank for helping me with this book. My wonderufl editor, whos name has just escaped me for the moment, without whos tireless help this book wouldnt have been half the book it is/was. Barry Cryer for his encyclopaedic memory. Thanks Barry! The drinks are on me! (No theyre not. Im joking). I wish I could mention them all but honestly the list is just to, to long to remember anyone.

Before I leave you though, Id just like to say this, and that is, that in this profession that Ive spent my life in, I have been blessed to have two of the most wonderful parents someone like me, or indeed me, because thats what I meant, could have. It was whilst under their care and guidance that I flourished and grew. They nurtured me as you would a flower and I bloomed and turned into the huge plant that stands before you today. So Id just like to say a thank you to my Mamma and Father, wherever they went. Without them this book would not have been possible. It goes without saying that if they hadnt met I would have not been conceived. I suppose I might have been conceived by one of them with someone else, but I would have been quite different. For instance I could have been a woman. I suppose if theyd not met each other and had a baby with two different people, there could have been two of me, with half of me each in them, wandering around. However, sadly for me, they did meet and there is only one of me, I think.

So, sit back everybody, get your glasses on, open this book, (I know youve already opened it, but you know what I mean), and laugh, cry and the other one, at the sometime hilarious, sometime touching and sometime moving, but always entertaining collection of my lifes lives livess? memories.

Could I just say before I stop typing this, if you enjoy the book, and frankly, thered have to be something wrong with you if you didnt, could I ask you not to lend it on to a friend, or give it to the charity shop? Because that would only mean that someone wouldnt buy it at full price. And thats not very nice for me if you flood the market with cheap used ones. Also lending the book on to someone could lead to a wider urine/hygiene problem, as outlined earlier. So I am really thinking of other people.

Anyway, whatever happens everybody, one things for sure, everybody, Through It All Ive always Laughed.