Hoggard - Hoggy: welcome to my world

Introduction
Thought Id put this near the start

Chapter 1 - My Family and Other Animals
by Matthew oggard, aged 8

Chapter 2 - Gardens, Gags and Games
A few early cricketing lessons

Chapter 3 - Wild and Free
Beer and bowling in South Africa

Chapter 4 - England Calling
First days of national service, 2000-02

Chapter 5 - Meat and Three Veg
What goes into a fast bowlers belly

Chapter 6 - Touring and Toiling
A series of reality checks with England, 2002-03

Chapter 7 - Physical Jerks
The pains and strains of keeping fit

Chapter 8 - Getting Better All the Time
The winning streak and the awesome foursome, 2004-05

Chapter 9 - Mind Games
The stuff that goes on in my head when Im bowling

Chapter 10 - Time to Produce
The biggest series ever and other more important things, summer 2005

Chapter 11 - Drinking for England
We do like the occasional pint, you know

Chapter 12 - Swinging the Balance
Life goes on after the Ashes, 2005-06

Chapter 13 - A Word from the Wife
Sarahs view from the girls gallery

Chapter 14 - Nightwatchmans Tales
My life as Englands sacrificial lamb

Chapter 15 - Squashed by the Big Fat Lad
The Ashes comedown, 2006-07

Chapter 16 - Press-ganged
My fun and games with the British media

Chapter 17 - Its all Gone Haywire
Some very high highs and very low lows, 2007-08

Hes just a bit silly. He rings you up and leaves daft messages and silly noises on your phone. Its just madness. Hes a good lad though.

Ashley Giles

He gives you it straight. If he thinks youre a pillock, hell tell you. He wont ask for anything that he wouldnt do himself, thats the way he is. Hoggy is Hoggy.

David Byas, former Yorkshire captain

By the HOGGY DOGGIES,
BILLY the Doberman and MOLLY the Border Collie

BILLY: So whats all this about, then?

MOLLY: Apparently, this is the bit of a book where important people or animals are asked to say nice things about the bloke on the front cover.

BILLY: About him? Why I should say nice things about him? All he ever does is shout at me.

MOLLY: Thats because you play too rough half the time, Billy, and you dont do as youre told.

BILLY: Whenever I try to play with you, you dont give me the time of day. You can be a cantankerous old bitch sometimes.

MOLLY: You forget that Im an old lady. If I was five years younger, Id still be able to run rings round you.

BILLY: Like to see you try. Anyway, I still dont see why I should be so nice about the bloke. What does he ever do for us?

MOLLY: He takes us for lots of long walks.

BILLY: Ill give him that.

MOLLY: Even when its raining. And he feeds us most of the time.

BILLY: Well, yes, youve got a point. Sometimes I want to bite him, but Im worried that the walks and the food might stop if I do. Shall we gang up on him and both bite him?

MOLLY: Hes in charge, Billy boy, whether we like it or not.

BILLY: But if hes so tough and reckons hes top dog, why does he always send me outside first if he hears a noise in the garden? I can never understand that.

MOLLY: Strange creatures, these humans, Billy. Im still trying to work them out.

BILLY: They must be strange if they want to read a book about him. Whats so interesting about him?

MOLLY: Apparently hes quite good at some weird game they play. They throw a red ball, someone hits it and they chase it around a field. It goes on for hours.

BILLY: Well, I chase a ball around a field with him all the time and Im much better at it than him. This book should be all about me.

MOLLY: Im inclined to agree with you, Billy. But like I said, hes in charge.

BILLY: He talks a load of rubbish as well. He makes up words of his own that nobody else ever uses, words like ridonculous.

MOLLY: Yes, Ive always wondered what that means. Any ideas?

BILLY: Havent got a clue. Do you think theyre all as odd as him?

MOLLY: I very much doubt it.