Yancey - The highly effective detective goes to the dogs. #2

ALSO BY RICHARD YANCEY

ADULT FICTION

The Highly Effective Detective
A Burning in Homeland

MEMOIR

Confessions of a Tax Collector

CHILDRENS FICTION

The Extraordinary Adventures of Alfred Kropp
Alfred Kropp: The Seal of Solomon

THE HIGHLY
EFFECTIVE DETECTIVE

Goes to the Dogs

RICHARD YANCEY

Thomas Dunne Books
St. Martins Minotaur
New York

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously.

THOMAS DUNNE BOOKS.
An imprint of St. Martins Press.

THE HIGHLY EFFECTIVE DETECTIVE GOES TO THE DOGS. Copyright 2008 by Richard Yancey. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. For information, address St. Martins Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

www.thomasdunnebooks.com
www.minotaurbooks.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Yancey, Richard.
The highly effective detective goes to the dogs / Richard Yancey.Ist ed.
p. cm.
ISBN-13: 978-0-312-34753-6
ISBN-10: 0-312-34753-7
I. Private investigatorsFiction. 2. DogsFiction. I. Title.
PS3625.A675H55 2008
813.6dc22

2008018098

First Edition: August 2008

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Sandy, with love

I was sitting at my desk, staring out the window into the drizzly gray light falling behind the Ely Building, when Felicias voice came over the intercom.

Ruzak, what are you doing?

I jerked in my chair. I startle easily, which might explain why I havent seen a scary movie since Aliens, and I only saw that because of Sigourney Weaver.

I hate November, I said, raising my voice a little, like a lot of people who use intercoms or talk to foreigners. Ive lived in Knoxville for over half my life and I cant remember one single sunny day in November.

Maybe you should invest in a light box.

Light box?

This big panel of bright light that depressed people sit in front of.

Why do they do that?

Because theyre depressed, Ruzak.

No, I mean, what does the light do?

Im not sure, but I think it stimulates something in their brain.

I dont think my brains problem is lack of stimulation.

Probably not, she agreed. I wasnt sure why we were chatting over the intercom when she sat about twenty feet away, though we had remodeled recently, adding a wall and a door, turning the one big room into two smaller rooms. Felicia had said a detective needs privacy when consulting with his clients about their case. I suspected it had more to do with a secretarys need for privacy when consulting with her boyfriend about their lunch plans. But that was cynical thinking, and I was at war with cynical thinking, the chief reason for half the worlds problems, in my opinion. You have to trust that most people act in good faith. Otherwise, you might as well build your bunker, stock up on the canned goods, and invest in the kind of firepower Sigourney used against the mother alien in the sequel. One of the things I couldnt understand in that movie was all the slobber. Those creatures seemed very insectlike to me, and I didnt think insects salivated. Of course, they werent real monsters and it was only a movie.

Now what are you doing? she asked.

Wondering if insects salivate.

You know, thats really weird. I was just wondering the same thing.

Really? It would be an extraordinary coincidence if she were. Well, I know mosquitoes have spit. They inject it into the bite to facilitate blood flow.

Ruzak, only you could get from light boxes to mosquito spit in ten seconds.

I didnt think she was paying me a compliment. I asked, Whats going on? which was more polite than saying, Why are you hassling me over this damned intercom?

Theres somebody here to see you.

I didnt think I had any appointments, so I asked, Do they have an appointment?

He says he doesnt need one.

My heart rate clicked up a notch. People who dont need appointments are not usually the kind of people you want to meet with.

Okay, show him in.

The door opened and I recognized him right away, with the square-shaped head, the ill-fitting suit, the slight paunch and rounded shoulders. I could see Felicia over his shoulder making a slicing motion across her throat and I nodded toward her, saying, Thanks, Felicia, Ill take it from here.

He sat in the chair in front of my desk, I sat in the chair behind my desk, and he was smiling with great satisfaction.

Mr. Ruzak, do you remember me? he asked.

Oh, I said. You bet I do. Ive always been pretty good with faces. Sometimes I have trouble remembering names, but one look at a face and Ive got it locked down. I still remember what my ninth-grade art teacher looked like. Can I get you anything? Weve got practically everything, even Starbucks coffee.

No thank you, he said, crossing his legs and setting his briefcase on his lap.

You sure? Once a week, my secretary picks up a pound. That way I avoid the lady on the cup.

What lady?

You know, the creepy Starbucks lady. Although she is on the bag too, but its usually my secretary who makes the coffee, so I dont have to look at her.

You dont have to look at your secretary?

Oh, I dont mind that. I was talking about the Starbucks lady.

His smile had fled. I dont know what youre talking about, Mr. Ruzak.

Shes on all the cups. Check it out next time youre at Starbucks.

I dont go to Starbucks.

Well, it is an acquired taste, like beer.

He shook his head quickly, as if he were clearing out the cobwebs, and said, You must know why Im here, Mr. Ruzak.

Ive got a pretty strong suspicion, Mr. Hilton.

Hinton.

Hinton. Hinton. Thats right. Sorry.

He pulled a computer printout from his briefcase. Mr. Ruzak, Ive brought your test results.

Okay, I said. Ive already seen them. I know you didnt come looking for excuses, but I was never very good with tests.

I, he said, dont care.

I didnt think so. I dont suppose you looked carefully at my door before you came in. Right below the Highly Effective Detection name thingy? Theodore Ruzak, Investigative Consultant. We added that so potential clients wouldnt confuse me with your traditional detective-type setup.

Your clients might be confused, Mr. Ruzak. And, based on your test results, you are most definitely confused. But the state of Tennessee is not confused. All applicants must pass this test in order to obtain the license to practice private detection.

And thats a good thing, I said. You wouldnt want just any yahoo dicking around with detection, private or otherwise.

No, we do not.

Well, Im already signed up for the next test, and this time Ive got high hopes of passing it. My problem was I didnt sleep well the night before, and this time Im planning to take a pill. Not a prescription, but something over-the-counter.

Thats entirely up to you, Mr. Ruzak.

Well, thats a relief and one of the reasons this is such a great country, Mr. Hilton. Hillon. Hellion.