Yancey - The Highly Effective Detective Plays the Fool

THE HIGHLY
EFFECTIVE DETECTIVE
Plays the Fool

ALSO BY RICHARD YANCEY

ADULT FICTION

The Highly Effective Detective Goes to the Dogs
The Highly Effective Detective
A Burning in Homeland

MEMOIR

Confessions of a Tax Collector

CHILDRENS FICTION

The Monstrumologist
Alfred Kropp: The Thirteenth Skull
Alfred Kropp: The Seal of Solomon
The Extraordinary Adventures of Alfred Kropp

RICHARD YANCEY

Minotaur Books

A Thomas Dunne Book
New York

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously.

A THOMAS DUNNE BOOK FOR MINOTAUR BOOKS.
An imprint of St. Martins Publishing Group.

THE HIGHLY EFFECTIVE DETECTIVE PLAYS THE FOOL. Copyright 2010 by Richard Yancey. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martins Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

www.thomasdunnebooks.com
www.minotaurbooks.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Yancey, Richard.

The highly effective detective plays the fool / Richard Yancey.1st ed.
p. cm.
A Thomas Dunne book.
ISBN 978-0-312-38309-1 1.

I. Ruzak, Teddy (Fictitious character)Fiction. 2. Private investigatorsFiction. 3. Knoxville (Tenn.)Fiction. I. Title.

PS3625.A675H56 2010
813'.6dc22

2009041536

First Edition: March 2010

10 9 8 6 4 3 2 1

To Sandy, mon chrie amour

A Sunny Morning in May

T his is not about sex, the woman said.

With my trusty mechanical pencil, I wrote not about sex beneath her name, Katrina Bates.

Hes had many affairs, practically since day one of our marriage. On the second night of our honeymoon, he made a pass at our waitress.

I wrote, Day one. Second night. Waitress. I stared at the words. Wouldnt that be day two?

I was returning from the rest room and there it was: his hand rubbing her bottom.

Thats brazen, I said.

He had an excuse, Katrina Bates said. She didnt elaborate. I wondered what plausible reason a groom could offer for placing his hand on a strangers ass. I wrote, Hand on bottom.

Are you going to do that for the entire interview? she asked. Write down everything I say?

It helps to jog my memory.

It was twenty years ago and has nothing to do with why Im here, Mr. Ruzak.

Well, I said. Now Ive written it, and if I erase it, a month from now I might forget what I erased and why I erased it and if I erased something that might be vitally important, and then Id have to bug you about what it might have been, which you probably wont remember, either.

She blinked at me.

So?

So now Im stuck. I could draw a line through it, I offered.

I dont care what you do with it. I was just asking why you think my husbands hand on that anonymous persons bottom twenty years ago could have anything to do with the reason Im hiring you.

Thats a good question, I said. Why are you hiring me?

I want you to find out if hes cheating on me.

I could have told her without so much as lifting a single investigative pinkie that the odds were pretty good that he was. Any guy who feels up the waitress on his honeymoon doesnt place fidelity high on his list. Still, I was a firm believer in the ability of people to changeeven to change for the better.

Hes cheated on you before, I said.

Many times, she said.

This time you want proof.

Yes.

Because this time is different.

She nodded. Katrina Bates was an attractive woman. Middleaged, with shoulder-length, chemically enhanced blond hair, moderately tall, blessed with good genes: prominent cheekbones, large, expressive blue eyes, and a long, graceful neck. And nice legs. With most women, the legs are usually the last to go.

This time he denies it, I said.

Vehemently.

Hides it.

A nod. And a tear quivering in the corner of her right eye.

Because this time it isnt meaningless, I went on. This time its love.

You understand, Mr. Ruzak.

I wrote the word love on my legal yellow pad. She didnt protest. I slid the box of Kleenex toward her side of my desk. In my line of work, tissues were indispensable tools of the trade.

Two Weeks Later

T his isnt personal, the man said.

I never said that, I said. Never even thought it, Mr. Hinton.

But the law is the law.

Right. Because if it werent, it wouldnt be.

I have the injunction right here in my briefcase, but I dont need to show it to you, do I?

Oh, no need for that. You gave me a copy last time you were here. I have it tucked away somewhere, but you know organization was never my strong suit.

No, that would be deceit and dishonesty.

At least its not redundancy, I said. Score one for Ruzak, but it was like a hitting a homer with empty bases, down by ten runs, with two outs in the bottom of the ninth. I folded my hands on the desktop and sat very still, holding myself carefully, like someone with a terminal illness. Hinton sat across from me, a little guy in a gray suit and bow tieno kiddingwho reminded me of Harry Truman, with the square head and round spectacles, the chin, square, but not quite so square as his head, thrust defiantly in my direction, as if he were daring me to pop it.

Im not a complete idiot, Mr. Ruzak, Hinton said, which I took as an implication that I was. I know full well what youre up to.

What? I asked. I complied with the court order. I shut the business down. Were not the Highly Effective Detection & Investigation Company anymore. Didnt you see the name on the door? The Research & Analysis Group, LLC.

You can change the name on your door, but it doesnt change the fact that you are practicing private detection without a license, Mr. Ruzak.

Well, we could quibble over semantics. Whats your proof?

I dont have to prove anything. The burden is on you to prove otherwise.

That seems downright un-American, Mr. Hinton. But wouldnt you agree its awfully difficult to prove a negative? I cant prove Im not doing something.

Fair enough, he said. He had thin lips and they were drawn tight. Give em hell, Harry. Your companysneered like a dirty wordthe Research & Analysis Groupwhat exactly does it do?

Conducts research.

What kind of research?

The kind you analyze.

Funny.

People come to us with certain questions and we research them.

What questions?

The kind that require research. Im sorry, but I cant get into specifics.

And why is that, Mr. Ruzak?

I cant really say, Mr. Hinton.

Why?

I cant violate my clients confidentiality.

That applies to doctors and lawyers, Mr. Ruzak.

And bankers. You forgot bankers.

Is that it? Are you a banker?

No, I said patiently. Im a freelance researcher and analyst.