Just before the key catches in the lock a snowflake lands on your eyelash and blurs the scene; stretching the instant an instant longer, slurring outer and inner worlds. A moment, a moment more; you dare not move, and so pause on the sill, wait for the tear that will form in either the new weather hot from the house, or your eyes open stare.
The Uncountable
Existence gets structured by measures set against the innumerable, yet water cupped in your hands remains as much the sea as what rolls in at your feet.
Paper, sand, fruit, space, damage, milk, broken down for the sake of each new telling; sheets, grains, bushels, cubic feet, dollars, cups, expressions separation. Mass exists, numbers exist, but theres no power one has over the other without the intrusion of our invention; piecemeal need for discretion. Music, advice, electricity, blood, data, news, sugar, furniture, cancer, fire, mathematics, traffic, air; all limited by discussion. Love too is countless, but less inclined to be discrete.
Hundredth Monkey Effect
First peeling potatoes, then spinning jenny, then suspension bridges, then dodging relapse; insight works in hand-me-downs, rules of thumb. Lives go by as one man leaves his plenty to another, the gap jumped in one synapse supplies a map, which becomes a custom.
If one went from few to all, skipping many, or passing through it fast enough to perhaps go unnoticed, that moment when some have not yet been taught or given any key for wisdom might not move in time-lapse, might not leave memorys pool un-plumbed. Signals could flit, antenna to antennae, acumen inherited; not just the facts, but the whole practice of giving come undone. Would that we could just leave a penny in payment for each others thoughts, and collapse the process of knowing to a simple sum.
New York
The man with all those balloon strings in hand is a reverse marionette, compelling the sky to lope like a yapping dog through the park. To have emigrated so far only to practice your crazy here among the games and lights of the days midway is like a child tugging at a loose tooth and coming away with the sturdy one beside it. Our part of Earth tilts to the sun, a camper turning her back to the flame to warm what had been left too long in the dark cold.
The sky was a perfect tuxedo blue today, and now my body is naked in the beds heat, each finger spread to allow for maximum air current. Below the window, the rats bourbon in the bottom of the trash climbs, a burglar on the brickworks trellis. The dead, you know better than most, do not loop into themselves, but roll into us, uploaded memories and ideas of being, having been, burning up regret. Do you remember how we held each other despite the space between us? Each moment hatched out of the last, genetically sad. Gunshots blocks-away flash past, sound meteors, there and gone instantly, with no evidence of travel, but a good bit where they end up. Even here we are on that planet, subject to the same laws of heats exchange and airs resistance.
Its why fast things light up.
Brushfires
(February 2009) There are always bodies to discover at each new disaster, in a range of states, from seeming sleep to a charred disorder. But once the inspections begin in earnest, expect this death count to escalate as the scorched landscape is closely assessed, teeth and DNA separated, filed as discrete, razed histories, aggregates of last moments and final acts, the wild fires closing in, their inverse-shadows cast by a speeding sackcloth sun; innate desire to touch, like first love, pupils aglow. Its common enough to come across pairs of bodies, dumped freight washed up in the surf, broken on the pavement beneath barely there buildings, or even camouflaged in the charcoal and atomized silicate of a brushfire, but harder to tell which vague strewn ember was once man or woman, or which was both; entwined in conjugate burning, the heat put to use and flames fanned. Falling or burning, embraced against the end; what-was-once-two closes in, supplicates, smoulders down to one corpse, crumbles, ascends.
A Race Around the Sun
In the car she tells you and the view opens from the track you were speeding down to exposed planes into which you whirl without direction.
In the rearviews periphery a year goes by faster than it does through the windshields wide glimpse where cardinals spread and hurtle by close. The disk on which these planets spin provides at least lanes within lanes as definite tracks down which falling appears as a forward ride. Running out of road was a moments heart attack struck from life lived in a line, one designed to draw the void back to the groove of parallax. Turn the radio on and set your jaw against all bearings and note instead the sound the needle makes when dropped on the vinyls flawed circle, that scratched sky youve just gone around.
Saint Teresa of vila
If a caveman saw a movement in the night and mistook it for another man, he lost nothing but heart; but if a caveman saw another man moving in the moonlight and mistook if for nothing, he lost all. So the crackling leaves become whispers, bumps in rock the leering face, glint of moon eyes staring, the flies and breeze fingers strewn over the throat.
Each night the same, from Vespers to Morning Prayer; beware, or lose it all. How to not lose it in your heads castle when even the mere arrangement of stones sends faces ghosting from the masons accident, troglodytes and lovers from lifes sin and bustle? Dream up saviours empty enough to fall through you. And then we come to your golden spear, Teresa, the point of which is lost in patterns books made in your mind. Cutter or slattern, saints comforted you, and angels, my dear, thrust their weapons and caveman-selves through you.
Fuse
Between every two people runs a fuse, a line from head to heart or heart to crotch, cunt to mouth, eye to navel, hand to throat; short or long, strung this way or that, welding one desire to another love, one need to another want, hate to deeper hate, fear to loyalty, tremble to light touch, flame to a bucket, fall to a turned back.
Cowboy Story
The books sit on the shelf, a row of coma patients in a ward, a series of selves no longer able to learn and trapped at the point of injury: the last page.
Cowboy Story
The books sit on the shelf, a row of coma patients in a ward, a series of selves no longer able to learn and trapped at the point of injury: the last page.
At the donor clinic I offer my arm to the spigot of the needle and think, as I see the bag fill with blood, there goes some of me . But thats a lie: as soon as it exits, the fluid is its own object, with all the attendant foreignness and filthy infection that implies, and has no meaning in terms of me . Life happens like a cowboy story in which two lines of gun-wielding men walk slowly toward each other, skinning those smokewagons until the sky is white with exploded gun powder. Out in the open, shooting past all logic, they advance until either reality is killed or they fall. Im not saying theres no control, but rather that control is all there is. Keep reading to find out how it ends.