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Northcutt - The Darwin Awards 4

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Northcutt The Darwin Awards 4

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Over 1.5 million copies sold in this New York Times bestselling humor series
The Darwin Awards series is the alpha chimp of humorous human mishaps. Despite being an international bestseller and inspiring the movie The Darwin Awards, these hilarious, cautionary chronicles have failed to stop another generation of Darwin Award winners from steering motorcycles with their feet, heating lava lamps on stoves, using liquid soap as brake fluid, and drowning themselves in the kitchen sink.
Filled with more than 100 new tales of evolution in action, plus science essays and a parody research paper supporting Intelligent Design, The Darwin Awards 4 shows that when it comes to common sense, natural selection still has a long, long way to go.

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*http://www.psy.mq.edu.au/staff/kip/PL7.htm has most of the eyewitness-inaccuracy info, plus more references.

5JUICE ME UP!

Huff, C. Ronald. 2003. Wrongful Conviction: Causes and Public Policy Issues. Criminal Justice Spring 2003, 18 (1).

4HUMAN PAPER TOWEL

*http://www.visualexpert.com/Resources/mistakenid.html

3TESTOSTERONE, CHICKENS, AND GUNS

8CLEAN BRAKE

7WELDING WARNING

*www.DarwinAwards.com/book/liposuction.html

* Which is why the instructions warn NEVER to place the lamp directly on a heat source, such as a stove.

*Maui Jim sunglasses retail for as much as $200.

2ROCKETING TO GLORY

*http://www.psy.mq.edu.au/staff/kip/PL7.htm has most of the eyewitness-inaccuracy info, plus more references.

*Intelligent Design is Involved in the Origin of The Species (IDIOTS).

1BAKED BULLET SURPRISE

6CHIMNEY-CLEANING GRENADE

* USA Today, posted June 3, 2004, by Richard Willing, describes a few problems with identical twins. http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2004-06-03-twinsdna_x.htm

10FREEWAY DANGLER, page 157

11HAPPY CAMPER

5KILLS BUGS DEAD

DNA analysis is commonly claimed to be 99.99% accurate. http://www.dost.gov.ph/media/article.php?sid=488

10GUN-SAFETY NONSENSE

9WHAT I CAN STILL DO

4CHICKEN TO GO

DNA analysis is commonly claimed to be 99.99% accurate. http://www.dost.gov.ph/media/article.php?sid=488

8A MEDICAL FIRST AT OKTOBERFEST

3DARING FEET

9DYING FOR A CIGGIE

*Recovered Memories: Recent Events and Review of Evidence. Interview with Harrison G. Pope Jr., M.D. Currents in Affective Illness, XIII (7), July 1994, 512.

2ICARUS

1WADES WITH SHARKS

*Homage to Christine Lavins song, Dont Ever Call Your Sweetheart by His Name

Sagan, Carl. The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark. Ballantine Books, 1997.

6TREE VS. MAN

7WILD WHEELCHAIR RIDE

A LSO BY W ENDY N ORTHCUTT The Darwin Awards Evolution in Action The - photo 1

A LSO BY W ENDY N ORTHCUTT

The Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action

The Darwin Awards 2: Unnatural Selection

The Darwin Awards 3: Survival of the Fittest


INTELLIGENT DESIGN Wendy Northcutt with Christopher M Kelly DUTTON The - photo 2

INTELLIGENT DESIGN

Wendy Northcutt

with Christopher M. Kelly

Picture 3

DUTTON

The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design contains cautionary tales of misadventure. It is intended to be viewed as a safety manual, not a how-to guide. The stories illustrate evolution working through natural selection: Those whose actions have lethal personal consequences are weeded out of the gene pool. Your decisions can kill you, so pay attention and stay alive.

DUTTON
Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.
Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.); Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England; Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephens Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd); Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd); Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi 110 017, India; Penguin Group (NZ), cnr Airborne and Rosedale Roads, Albany, Auckland 1310, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd); Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

Published by Dutton, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

First electronic edition, October 2006

Copyright 2006 by Wendy Northcutt
All rights reserved

Illustrations by Peter McDonnell

DARWIN AWARDS is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

Picture 4REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGINGPUBLICATION DATA
Northcutt, Wendy.
The Darwin awards 4 : intelligent design / Wendy Northcutt with Christopher M. Kelly.
p. cm.
ISBN: 978-1-101-21892-1
1. StupidityAnecdotes. 2. StupidityHumor. I. Kelly, Christopher M. II. Title. III. Title: Darwin awards four. IV. Title: Intelligent design.
BF431.N675 2006
081dc22
2006023936

Set in Century Old Style and Weiss
Designed by Leonard Telesca

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the authors rights is appreciated.

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Websites or their content.

This ones for you, babe.

If all else fails, Immortality
can always be assured
by spectacular error.

John Kenneth Galbraith

Contents

True intelligent design is the unerring scythe of natural selection.


CHAPTER 1
Vehicles

Motorcycles, trucks, trains, cars, snowmobiles, mopeds, a wheelchair, and one mountain bikewheels spark a powerful urge to test mechanical limits. The stories in this chapter show that humans still have a long way to go, in evolving to cope with the ubiquitous dangers of our transportation system.


CHAPTER 2
Water

Water covers 70 percent of the Earths surface, so its little wonder that this is the medium in which many Darwin demises occur. We herein encounter the dangers of snowmoboating, the tide, frozen rivers, raging rivers, two waterfalls, one bungee cord, and even the kitchen sink! Dive into stories featuring water, where one soon sees that our evolutionary adaptations are not yet complete.


CHAPTER 3
Women

Few women win Darwin Awards, but this book is lucky enough to have a strong selection of female applicants. We have a spy, two explosions, pilot sex and street sex, a desperate smoker, a gymnast, an amateur mechanic, and a thief. We also have a Jet Ski, a hurricane, a raging river, a roller coaster, gasoline, and an aerosol can. It is with great pleasure that I introduce these stories about feminine wiles.


CHAPTER 4
Animals

An animal might win a Darwin Award if it migrated in the wrong direction. But in this chapter, animals are not the winners; they are the backdrop against which humans lose to Mother Nature. Enjoy these stories about eleptants, snakes, raccoons, chickens, bees, bugs, birds, eels, sharks, toads, horses, and bisonanimals that have the misfortune to share the planet with clueless Homo sapiens.


CHAPTER 5
Alcohol

Alcohol plays a role in many Darwin Awards, but this is the first chapter devoted exclusively to the boneheaded things we do while inebriated. Get ready for a spy device, freeway calisthenics, saliva, bar bets, sunglasses, revenge, a beer-filled condom, window glass, a drinking glass, auto repair, firecrackers, and a submarine. Here are stories of inebriated innovations that make mice and monkeys cringe when we say were related to them.

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