Northcutt - The darwin awards next evolution: chlorinating the gene pool
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New York Times bestselling author Wendy Northcutt is back, asking, ?Have we evolved at all The answer: Not all of us.
What crazy cocktail of DNA leads Homo sapiens to do pull-ups off the edge of a seventh-floor balcony or wrap their lips around a paintball gun and pull the trigger? How about offering a beer to a bear or self-testing a Taser? Why not go joyriding in a shopping cart strapped to an SUV or jump a drawbridge on a bicycle?
Fully illustrated with over a hundred new jaw-dropping and side-splitting feats of stupidity?and including science essays by guest writers and answers to FAQs about evolution in action?The Darwin Awards Next Evolution continues the tradition of honoring the victims of appallingly poor survival instinct who selflessly improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.
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* Petrogenesis is the branch of science that deals with the origin and formation of rocks, especially igneous rock.
win 
wadsNEXT EVOLUTION
The Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action
The Darwin Awards 2: Unnatural Selection
The Darwin Awards 3: Survival of the Fittest
The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design
win wadsNEXT EVOLUTION
DUTTON
The Darwin Awards Next Evolution contains cautionary tales of misadventure. It is intended to be viewed as a safety manual, not a how-to guide. The stories illustrate evolution working through natural selection: Those whose actions have lethal personal consequences are weeded out of the gene pool. Your decisions can kill you, so pay attention and stay alive.
DUTTON
Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.
Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.); Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England; Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephens Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd); Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd); Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi - 110 017, India; Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd); Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rose-bank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa
Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
Published by Dutton, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
Copyright 2008 by Wendy Northcutt
All rights reserved
Illustrations by Peter McDonnell and Jay Ziebarth
DARWIN AWARDS is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.
REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA has been applied for.
ISBN: 978-1-4406-3677-6
Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the authors rights is appreciated.
While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.
Dedicated to those who kept me sane.
Linux guru Greg Lindahl solved server setbacks and occasionally flicked his long hair my way. Kathleen and Brian De Smet invented the beloved Work Party Barbecue for me.
Renaissance dancers Francis Classe, Matthew Larsen, Crystal Larsen, Rebecca Friedman, impeccable Cynthia Barnes, Carey Cates, Ariane Helou, David Eger & ponytail, Kathy Stormberg, Lee Marshall, Elizabeth Friedman, Leia Mehlman, Molly Thornton, Richard Kimberly, Rene Hollomon, Rachael Lorenz, Trevor Baxter, et cetera.
Dutton big cheese Brian Tart, editor Erika Imranyi, and former editor Mitch Hoffman. Cheerful students Jessica Glickman and Desire Tonello, playwright Stephen Witkin, artists Peter McDonnell and Jay Ziebarth, legal advisors Michael Cantwell and Henry Kaufman, and as always, the dedicated Slush Pile moderators.
Kenneth M. Hollomon, Rene Menard, witty David Gibson, twirling Lisa Lippincott, Raz Dan, H. Peter Anvin, Suzi Anvin, Barry Eynon, Kevin Haug, multifaceted Chris Kelly, Ildico Stennis, Troy Welch, John Warthog Hawley, Jon Barnard, and dome builders Bob Bushman and Mike Bushman.
Tuesday Night Dinnerclub 
ClanLurkr 
TechShop
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why cant it get us out?
Will Rogers
Texas | Michael was addicted to alcohol and to enemas. He liked to take his liquor, well, rectally.
England | Darren was found slumped over in the hallway and bleeding from stab wounds. Victim of an assailant? Not so! A year later, the inquest revealed.
South Carolina | A badly injured twenty-one-year-old couple was found naked in the road before sunrise. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked cars.
Mexico | Jessica was working out in the gym when she realized she needed something from the floor below. She headed for the open shaft of the industrial lift.
Germany | Attempting to impress his wife, a forty-nine-year-old man climbed over the balcony, clung to the parapet, and began a set of pull-ups.
Singapore | Picture a college dorm room. Laundry, food wrappers, textbooks, and a sixteen-year-old male rocking out to loud music.
Florida | The feet of Jason and Sara were found protruding from a huge, deflated helium advertising balloon.
Russia | As a child Sergei promised his grandmother he would bring her the elixir of immortality. As an adult we find Sergei pursuing immortality by licking cyanide off his palm.
Gabon | A congregation was surprised to hear their pastor insist that one could literally walk on water, if only one had enough faith.
Arkansas | Tenacity is often advantageous to an organism. But combine tenacity with an excess of bravado, a lack of common sense, and a flooded river.
Spain | A visitor to the mycological conference disagreed with the official assessment of Amanita phalloides, commonly known as the death cap mushroom.
A man was splitting seasoned wood early one autumn. He was making light work of the logs when he came to one with a particularly large diameter.
Matt was irritable. If certain named people did not stop bothering him, he said as he loaded his paintball gun, he would shoot them.
Germany | Being frugal can be carried too far! A man flying home from holiday carrying two pints of vodka was stopped by airport security staff.
Virginia | Skeet shooters at the Amelia Wildlife Management Area were taken aback when two large males strode across the open shotgun range toward the firing line.
Australia | When flash floods turned Brisbane streets into raging rivers, a twenty-five-year-old man came frightfully close to literally sucking himself down the drain of the gene pool.
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