Paul OGrady - Paul OGradys country life: one man and his dogs - and other waifs and strays

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First published in Great Britain in 2017 by Bantam Press

an imprint of Transworld Publishers

Copyright Paul OGrady 2017
Cover photography: Nicky Johnston

Paul OGrady has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

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Version 1.0 Epub ISBN 9781448169559

ISBN 9780593072417

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For all you townies who are considering a move to a more rural idyll. This book will either put you off or have you rushing to an estate agents.

AT MY MOTHERS KNEE
AND OTHER LOW JOINTS

THE DEVIL RIDES OUT

STILL STANDING

OPEN THE CAGE, MURPHY

Paul OGradys Country Life forthe first time gives a glimpse intothe home life of one of Britainsbest-loved stars, alongside theanimals he adores.

Sometimes rural idyll, sometimes hell onearth, Pauls country life in Kent has beenshared over the years with some very vocalpigs, a mad cow, various rescued barn owls,the worlds most sadistic geese and Christinethe psychotic sheep among many otheranimal waifs and strays. And Paul tells thestories of the dogs in his life includingEddie, the tiny chihuahua/Jack Russellcross with Napoleonic ambitions, MissOlga, Bullseye, Louis, Boycie and, of course,Buster, the greatest canine star since Lassie.In addition, Paul shares some of his favouriterecipes, explores country lore and superstitions,and extols the benefits of growing your ownvegetables, herbs and fruit.

This is a warts-and-all account of countryliving, as far removed from the bright lightsof celebrity as you could ever imagine. Thetrials and tribulations Paul experienced onmoving to deepest darkest Kent as a dyed-in-the-wool city dweller are every bit as hilariousand eventful as you would think. He had alot of new skills to learn, and fast: everythingfrom how to churn your own butter andhow to birth a lamb to the best way to lurea cow out of your kitchen while naked fromthe waist down.

Brilliantly funny and full of classicstories, Paul OGradys Country Life isyour armchair guide to the wondersand horrors of rural existence.

PAUL OGRADY first cameto fame in the guise of Lily Savage, and wasnominated for a Perrier Award at the EdinburghFestival in 1991. Lily took over the bed on TheBig Breakfast and presented Blankety Blank, as wellas having her own shows The Lily Savage Showand Lily Live, but has now retired (reportedly).Paul, of course, went on to further successpresenting his chat shows on Channel 4 andITV, For the Love of Dogs and Animal Orphanson ITV, Blind Date on Channel 5 and hisweekly show on BBC Radio 2, inter alia.His four volumes of autobiography At MyMothers Knee, The Devil Rides Out, Still Standingand Open the Cage, Murphy were all SundayTimes bestsellers.

Thanks to Enid Blyton, who nearly always accommodated her pixie and elf population in the colourful but highly toxic fly agaric, I fancied living in one of these red and white polka-dot toadstools when I was very little a decent-sized one that could accommodate a five-year-old comfortably with all mod cons and enough bedrooms to put up the family when they came to stay.

When I grew out of Mrs Blytons Enchanted Wood series I graduated towards a lifestyle akin to Pippi Longstockings, who lived in a big old house with an assorted menagerie of animals, a trunk full of gold and no adult supervision, which apart from the gold (thats buried in the woods along with the Erica Von Savage Diamonds) is more or less how Im living now.

Later on in life, after Id read Tolkiens The Hobbit, I envied Bilbo Baggins and his smart hobbit hole with its round front door built into the side of a hill, although this fantasy clashed somewhat with my other dream of a stylish London apartment, all Eamesian chic la Emma Peel of The Avengers or the colourful insanity of her successor Tara King, whose split-level flat boasted such inspired oddities as a Penny Farthing over the mantelpiece, an assortment of antique shop signs and a firemans pole for making a quick descent from the upper floor when being pursued by the evil henchmen of a diabolical mastermind.

However, lurking in the background amongst all these whimsical dreams was a genuine desire to live somewhere in the countryside in a crumbling old farmhouse with lots of land, a pack of dogs and a cow or two. Sometimes the lure of the countryside grew too much and Id play truant from school to walk around the country lanes of Heswall, a posh part of the Wirral, imagining what it would be like to live in some of the houses and to have so much open space all around you instead of a tiny backyard and a minuscule garden. I never believed for one minute that my desires would ever come to fruition so I put these fantastic notions to one side and contented myself with planning out my imaginary farm as I went off to sleep each night.

My love of the countryside stemmed from annual visits to my fathers family in Ireland (when we werent in the Isle of Man) who lived, and still do, on a farm in rural Glinsk, County Roscommon.

I can still remember my first encounter with a newly born calf. I was five years old and up till then the only animals Id encountered were Joey our budgie, Aunty Annies cat Jinksy, and our neighbour Mrs Longs dog, so the calf came as a bit of a shock.

Give him a stroke, my Uncle James said. He wont bite.

He was having a laugh wasnt he? Stroke it? I was hanging off my mothers pencil skirt trying to crawl up her leg, desperate to put some distance between this behemoth and me.

Dont be so nesh [delicate], my ma laughed, pushing me towards the calf. Hes lovely, give his little head a rub.

And so I did, tentatively at first until I gained the confidence to run my fingers through his thick curly hair. The calf nuzzled my hand and then gave it a lick and at that moment, my fears now forgotten, the goddess Artemis, protector of young animals, cast a spell over me and a lifelong love of animals was born.