Penhall - Birthday

Joe Penhall

For Ned, William and Emily PenhallBirthday was first performed at the Royal Court Jerwood Theatre Downstairs, Sloane Square on Friday 22 June 2012, and featured the following cast and creatives: Ed Stephen Mangan Lisa Lisa Dillon Joyce Llewella Gideon Natasha Louise Brealey Director Roger Michell Designer Mark Thompson Lighting Designer Hugh Vanstone Sound Designer John Leonard Ed, thirtiesLisa, thirtiesJoyce, Midwife, late thirtiesNatasha, Registrar, late twentiesThe action takes place over several days in a modern NHS maternity hospital in London. 5 p.m., Friday. Edsits up in a hospital bed connected to a monitor. He is in mild pain, breathing hard. We can hear the faint, intermittent screams of women in the background. Ed I know but my mind Lisa I gave you the choice. Ed My mind was blown. Lisa We should have gone private. Ed I didnt think we could afford it. Lisa I told you I could. Ed We didnt the first time. Lisa I wasnt working then. Ed I was working. Lisa Sweetie, youre not paid what Im paid. Ed Well I wasnt thinking straight. Lisa You went to all the classes, you knew what was going to happen, why didnt you bring it up before? Ed I was hormonal I couldnt get my head around why are you laying into me? Lisa Im not Im just saying I gave you the choice I would have paid. Ed Its the same doctors. Lisa What doctors? We havent even seen a doctor. Ed I didnt think it would be exactly Lisa What did you think? Ed The same room overlooking the prison. Lisa Thats not important. Ed I didnt think we could afford a private its exactly the same room as you had. Ed I didnt think we could afford a private its exactly the same room as you had.

That fucking prison Lisa Oh well its only a prison you dont see it dont worry you dont see any, you know, prisonersEd I had you moved. Lisa Because it was cold not because of the Ed Because it was cold and because of the prison. I made them move you. Lisa Lets just youre just anxious I understand just calm down. Ed Im trying Im trying to. Lisa Breathe.

Deep breaths. She holds his hand. Take some gas. She gives him gas. Edtakes several deep breaths. Ed Have you got the TENS machine? Lisa Its in your hospital bag. Ed Can you fish it out please? She retrieves the TENS machine, starts unpacking it. Ed Can you fish it out please? She retrieves the TENS machine, starts unpacking it.

Did you get my raspberry leaf tea? Lisa Oh no. I forgot the tea. Ed You forgot? Fucking hell, Lisa. How could you forget my fucking raspberry leaf tea? Lisa I just had so many other things to do. Ed I need my raspberry leaf tea. Ed I asked you to do one simple thing, buy a box of fucking tea and youre so busy faffing around Lisa I wasnt faffing around. Ed I asked you to do one simple thing, buy a box of fucking tea and youre so busy faffing around Lisa I wasnt faffing around.

You were faffing around with your hospital bag all morning Ed I packed my hospital bag three nights ago while you were up all hours doing God knows what on the internet. What were you doing? Looking at porn? Lisa I wish. Ed All you had to do was order the TENS machine, buy some provisions and drive me here without crashing. Lisa Well just get someone else to bring it. Pause as she sets up the TENS machine. He gets up on his haunches, back to her, she fits the TENS machine pads to his back as they talk. He gets up on his haunches, back to her, she fits the TENS machine pads to his back as they talk.

Have you phoned your mum? Are they coming to see you? Ed No, theyre not interested in any of this. They think its just another of my stupid, you know, obsessions Lisa Im sure thats not the case. Ed You know it is. How many times have we seen them since I got pregnant? Lisa You need your mum. Ed Uh-huh Lisa When I had Charlie my mum was the one who EdI was the one who Lisa Well she was very supportive. Ed Thats better is it? Lisa She was able to understand. Ed She was able to understand was she? The complexities? Because shes a woman. Ed She was able to understand was she? The complexities? Because shes a woman.

And Im just a quote unquote man I suppose? Lisa Just some people understand and some dont. You have to be prepared for that. She finishes fitting the TENS machine pads. She switches it on. Tell me how this feels. He winces.

Whoops sorry. Ed No its fine, turn it up. Lisa Are you in pain? Ed (rearranging himself, trying to sit again) Yes no not really just uncomfortable. Lisa Wait till they start examining you. Ed What do you mean? Lisa All those fingers up you. Lisa Im teasing. Ed Dont even joke about it. Lisa You wont feel a thing. Ed Im too posh to push. He gags. He gags.

Oh Im going to puke can you get me a ? She reaches for a bowl, hands it to him. Lisa OK, get it all out now, youre doing fine Ed (pointing) Theres some kitchen roll in the bag and I packed some antibacterial spray She retrieves the kitchen roll and spray. Give the bowl a spray would you? And the cabinet. And the doorknob in the bathroom if you dont mind. (Increasingly nauseous.) And maybe the floor you never know what germs are lurking She cleans. He pauses over the bowl but nothing comes.

Its the nausea I cant handle. Id rather have the pain. Lisa No you wouldnt. Ed Men can take the pain. Lisa No you cant. Ed Beats morning sickness any day. Lisa Dont talk to me about pain I had a breech. Ed Dont talk about that now. Lisa This wont be the same. Ed Thats why Im here. Lisa I didnt ask you to. Ed You couldnt do it again. Ed You couldnt do it again.

There was no choice. Lisa Well there was there was a choice but Ed An impossible choice. A terrible choice. It wasnt even a choice. Silence. He clutches his belly.

Ooh its starting to hurt now.

Next page