Pseudonymous Bosch - The Name of This Book Is Secret

Copyright 2007 by Pseudonymous Bosch

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Or Else!

Little, Brown and Company

(theyre neither little nor brown, but thats another story.)

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017

Visit our Web site at www.hachettebookgroup.com

First eBook Edition: September 2008

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

That is, if you believe in coincidences.

Cover illustration and interior illustrations copyright 2007 by Gilbert Ford

ISBN: 978-0-316-03992-5

FOR W.P. MAY

Good.

Now I know I can trust you.

Youre curious. Youre brave. And youre not afraid to lead a life of crime.

But lets get something straight: if, despite my warning, you insist on reading this book, you cant hold me responsible for the consequences.

And, make no bones about it, this is a very dangerous book.

No, it wont blow up in your face. Or bite your head off. Or tear you limb from limb.

It probably wont injure you at all. Unless somebody throws it at you, which is a possibility that should never be discounted.

Generally speaking, books dont cause much harm. Except when you read them, that is. Then they cause all kinds of problems.

Books can, for example, give you ideas. I dont know if youve ever had an idea before, but, if you have, you know how much trouble an idea can get you into.

Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regretlike, oh, throwing a book at someone else.

But the main reason this book is so dangerous is that it concerns a secret.

A big secret.

Its funny the way secrets work. If you dont know about a secret, it doesnt bother you. You go about your business without a care in the world.

La la la, you sing. Everythings fine and dandy. (Maybe you dont actually sing la la la, but you know what I mean.)

But as soon as you hear about the secret, it starts to nag at you. What is this secret? you wonder. Why am I not supposed to know about it? Why is it so important?

Suddenly, youre dying to know what the secret is.

You beg. You plead. You threaten. You cajole. You promise never to tell anyone else. You try anything and everything. You dig into the secret-keepers belongings. You pull his or her hair. And when that doesnt work, you pull your own.

Not knowing a secret is just about the worst thing in the world.

No, I can think of one thing worse.

Knowing a secret.

Read on, if you must.

But, remember, I warned you.

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I m sorry I couldnt let you read Chapter One.

That was where you would have learned the names of the characters in this story. You also would have learned where it takes place. And when. You would have learned all the things you usually learn at the beginning of a book.

Unfortunately, I cant tell you any of those things.

Yes, this is a story about a secret. But its also a secret story.

I shouldnt even be telling you that I shouldnt be telling you the story. Thats how much of a secret it is.

Not only cant I tell you the names of the people involved, I cant even tell you what theyve done or why.

I cant tell you what kind of pets they have. Or how many annoying little brothers. Or how many bossy big sisters. Or whether they like their ice cream plain or with mix-ins.

I cant tell you about their schools or their friends or their favorite television shows. Or if they ride skateboards. Or if they are champion chess players. Or if they compete in fencing competitions. Or even if they wear braces.

In short, I cant tell you anything that would help you identify the people involved in this story if you were to meet them at your orthodontists office. (Teeth, as you may know from watching television, are very useful when detectives are identifying cadavers.)

This is for your own protection as well as mine. And for the protection of your friends. And even of your enemies. (You know, those ones you say you want to kill but in the end youd rather keep alive.)

Still, you must find my silence very frustrating.

How can you follow a story if you dont know whom its about? Somebody has got to be getting lost in the woods, or slaying dragons, or traveling in time, or whatever it is that happens in the story.

Ill tell you whatIll make you a deal.

To help you follow my story, Im going to break my own rulealready!and Im going to give my characters names and faces. But remember these arent their real names and faces. Theyre more like code names or cover identities, like a spy or a criminal would have.

If you dont like a name I choose, change it. If I write Tim loved to pick his nose, and you prefer the name Tom to Tim, then read the line as Tom loved to pick his nose. I wont take offense. You can do that with all the names in this book if you like.