Elmore Leonard - Get Shorty

The way Chili told it when he got back to Karens and they were in the kitchen: He fell off his sun deck and was killed.

She said, He fell off his sun deck.

The railing gave way on him for some reason. When he leaned on it.

She said, The railing gave way...

Yeah, and he fell. Id say about a hunnerd feet.

You went down, looked at him?

The Bear did. I never wouldve made it, its steep.

It was an accident? Karen said. I mean you didnt hit him or push him and he happened to fall?

Ill take a polygraph neither one of us touched him.

But you didnt call the police.

Not with a suitcase full of cocaine in the house. Also he had that gun in his hand. He still wanted to shoot me.

Karen poured their coffee. She sat across from him at the kitchen table and watched him put two spoons of sugar in his and stir it slowly, carefully, smoking a cigarette. He looked up at her. She thought he was going to ask if she was still watching him, but he didnt. He smiled, stirring his coffee. He said after a moment, not smiling now, You think I mightve done it. I say I didnt, but you still think I mightve. What can I tell you?

Karen didnt say anything. He was a cool guy. Or seemed cool because she didnt know him and maybe never would. She thought, All right, the guy fell off his sun deck. She said to Chili, Were you scared?

You bet I was scared.

You dont act like it.

I was scared then, not now. How long you want me to be scared?

There was a silence. She heard him blow on his coffee and take a sip.

The meetings at two-thirty, Karen said. Harry wants to pick us up.

They sat around the coffee table in the living room part of Elaines office at Tower waiting for Michael to get off the phone. Chili listened to Harry saying that as soon as this guy told him the story he knew they had a picture. Elaine saying that from what shed heard so far it did sound off-trail, a shylock not your usual good guy. Harry saying that was the beauty of it, a hard-on type metamorphosized by his love of a woman. Elaine saying she hoped he didnt soften up too much, become limp. Chili thinking, Jesus Christ. Michael came over from Elaines desk and took a seat next to Karen on the hard sofa. Chili, in his dark-blue suit, looked at Michael in his beat-up flight jacket thinking, What if its that same fuckin jacket was at Vesuvios?

They waited while Michael put his hand on Karens leg, told her she looked great, then started explaining to everybody why he was leaving his agent whothey wouldnt believe thiscouldnot acquire a property Michael wanted, couldnot make a deal with the writer, and if an agent couldnt make a deal with a writer, for Christ sake... Until Chili said, You want to talk about that one or this one? It got a surprised look from Michael and Harry, deadpan reactions from Karen and Elaine, and the meeting started.

Elaine: Mr. Palmer?

Chili: Okay. Open at the drycleaning shop. You see the shylock talking to Fay, the wife.

Michael: I thought the guy was an agent.

Chili: I changed him back to a drycleaner.

Michael: You still dont have a script?

Karen: Theyre working on the moral dilemma.

Michael: That writes itself. I want to know what happens.

Chili: Yeah, thats what Im telling you.

Michael: Lets go to the third act and then come back if we want. You build to a climactic scene. What is it?

Chili: Youre referring to the action, with Ray Carlo.

Michael: Whos Ray Carlo?

Chili: He was Bones, I changed his name. Okay, Randy finally catches up with Leo...

Michael: Wait. Who the fuck is Randy?

Chili: Randys the shylock. You need a nice-guy name. You dont want to call him Lefty, Cockeye, Joe Loop, one of those.

Elaine: Sonnys nice.

Chili: Its not bad. I know a Lucky, a Jojo, Momo, Jimmy Cap, Cowboy, Sucky, Chooch...

Elaine: Sucky?

Michael: Okay, Im Randy, for the moment anyway. What happens?

Chili: They catch up with Leo the drycleaner, Randy leans on him a little, not much, and Leo tells them, okay, the doughs out at the airport in a locker. So Randy and Fay have the key and are at the moral dilemma part when Ray Carlo shows up. Actually hes already there, searching the place when they get home from Leos. Carlo, hes got a gun, takes the key offa Randy and Randy says okay, you win, the doughs out at the airport. Ray Carlo leaves to go get it and Randy calls the FBI.

Michael: All hes doing is picking up money. What would they arrest him for?

Chili: Theyd at least give him a hard time. Randy knows this and wants to see it, so he and Fay go out to the airport. They see the bust and look at each other with surprise, cause whats in that locker is not money but cocaine. You understand? Leo was settingthem up, or anybody that got on to him.

Michael, frowning: Thats how it ends?

Chili: No, you still have Leo.

Michael: I thought Carlo was the heavy.

Chili, noticing the way Karen was staring at him: Thats what youre suppose to think. No, thats the surprise. Leos the bad guy, from the beginning.

Elaine: Good. I like Leo.

Harry: Leo has delusions of grandeur, wants to be famous, hobnob with movie stars, entertainers.

Elaine: He could be fun to watch, while the other guys just a heavy.

Michael: Leos a schmuck.

Elaine: Hes sort of schmucky, thats all right.

Karen: He could have some funny lines, out of desperation.

Michael: Wait a minute

Chili: Yeah, he could be funny. I still think, though, he oughta fall off the balcony.

There was a silence.

Michael, quietly: Okay... what balcony?

Chili: Leos apartment, twenty floors up overlooking Sunset. Hes with this starlet, theyre drinking, doing coke, when Fay and Randy walk in. Basically what happens, heres Leo and heres the guy hes been paying for years and was always scared to death of. But right now Leos flying on coke and booze and doesnt know enough to be scared ofany thing, this little drycleaner. What he wants to do is put the shylock downyou know what I mean? Dishonor him, this guy he thinks of as a hard-on, a regular mob kind of guy. Chili paused. Suddenly Leo jumps up on the cement railing of the balcony and says, Lets see if you got the nerve to do this, tough guy. The starlet screams. Fay yells at him to get down. The shylock doesnt do nothing, he watches, cause he knows this guy basically is a loser. He watches Leo take three steps and thats it, off he goes, screaming all the way down twenty floors to the pavement.

There was a silence again.

Michael: Thats how it ends?

Chili: After that, they find the money in the closet. They have another moral dilemma talk, a short one, and take off for Mexico in a brand-new Mercedes.

Michael, to Elaine: You know what I do in this picture? I stand around and watch.

Chili: You want to shoot somebody? Or, hey, you want to play Leo? Take the dive?

Elaine: I dont know why, but Leo fascinates me. The little drycleaner with all that money. Id like to see what he does with it.

Harry: Sure, the guy must think hes died and gone to heaven.

Michael: Elaine

Elaine: He wouldnt have to take the dive, would he?

Karen: Not if he lives on the ground floor.

Michael: Is it a comedy? At this point, who knows? Grins. I can see why you dont have a script. All you have is an idea, and you know what ideas are worth.

Chili: Michael?

Michael: Im going to London tomorrow. New York a few days and then grab the Concorde. But Ill put my writer on it first. By the time I get back next month we should have a treatment we can play with and then go right into a first draft.

Chili: Michael, look at me.

Michael, grinning: Right. Thats what its all about, right there, the look.

Chili: You dont mind my saying, Michael, I dont see you as the shylock.