QI Elves - Funny You Should Ask . . . Again: More of Your Questions Answered by the QI Elves

xiii

Foreword
Zoe Ball ponders and wonders with the QI Elves

Zoe: This book was inspired by a segment on my BBC Radio 2 show called the Why Workshop. Once a week, I invite the British people to pose their most brain-befuddling questions to the unbefuddlable brains of the QI Elves. These pages contain the best of those questions and their brilliantly satisfying answers, along with endless tangents and extraordinary facts.

Having read the book and marvelled at their answers, I decided it was only fair to let the authors ask a few questions of their own. Elves, fire away!

QI Elves: Every Wednesday we invade your airwaves to expound on long johns (p. 169), sideburns (p. 94), stinging nettles (p. 171), fig wasps (p. 172), Bubble Wrap (p. 89) or whatever other subjects come our way that week. Why do you let us keep doing it?

Zoe: We love it. In the studio we think of you all as rock stars and get giddy and excited when you come in. We even have a chart of our favourites, in terms of cleverness, hilariousness, best on a night out, handsomeness

QI Elves: We have to see that chart.

Zoe: Well never show you itd be like revealing who your favourite child is! xiv

But, really, the thing you all share, which comes across in this book, is that killer combination of smart and funny. Its like the great teacher everyone remembers from school who always made you laugh and told you fascinating things, usually completely unrelated to what they were supposed to be teaching you. Youre learning, but its never boring, and its never a lecture; its always light and non-patronising.

QI Elves: Well, were in no position to patronise anyone, because were starting from the same point as everyone else, which is one of almost total ignorance. Were strong believers in the idea that youll only be wise once you accept that you know nothing the Socratic paradox (although technically that isnt what Socrates said, but thats a discussion for another time). We love admitting we dont know something, because then we get the joy of learning and sharing it. Imagine how bleak life would be if you suddenly realised you had nothing left to learn.

Quite a lot of what you do pick up in the book might seem pointless or trivial. In these serious times, is there really a place for such silliness as whether dogs can tell the time (p. 75) or what a dinosaurs bottom looked like (p. 143)?

Zoe: Definitely. Now more than ever its important because we need an escape. The pandemic has dominated everyones lives and thoughts these past couple of years and taken a terrible toll on so many people. Sometimes a bit of good old-fashioned silliness can take that load off for a moment. And everything in here is a reminder that theres still a lot to love about the world, whether its that ants actually count the number of steps they do each day (p. 4), or that you really can crack a safe with a stethoscope (p. 154), or that theres a light in California thats been left on for 120 years (p. 81). xv

I know people appreciate it because when Im out and about, in the supermarket or on the street, people stop me and quote amazing answers and facts that theyve learnt from you guys.

QI Elves: Ah, sorry about that. People love nothing more than to share an interesting fact, when sometimes you were really just hoping to dash out and buy some coriander.

Okay, so if you were going to buy this book for one person, who would it be?

Zoe: Thats impossible. I cant choose just one person. Id be tempted to say my dad, but he knows so much that hed have more to say on every subject in here, and youd never get away. I bought last years edition for everyone in my family. In my household we have a copy in the downstairs loo, and I always check when I go in to see if the order of the books that I keep in there has changed. It makes me happy when I see it back on top again.

Ive got lots of nieces and nephews there are loads of Balls so Ill get it for all of them. All of us love facts, so its the perfect conversation-starter; you end up talking about everything you read in here.

QI Elves: Well done. That was a trick question, and you escaped the QI klaxon. Obviously, you shouldnt buy this for just one person; you should buy it for everyone you know. Because all humans have a childlike curiosity. This is what makes us human were more immature than other mammals. The technical word is neoteny, which is the tendency to retain youthful features, even in adulthood. Compared to other apes, we have shorter arms, flatter faces, a bigger brain-to-body-size xvi ratio, and were mostly hairless. These are all childish traits, which apes lose as they age, but we dont. And to top it all off, we stay curious throughout our lives. Thats what makes us so successful: we keep asking questions and seeking answers, and so we keep on learning.

That said, children are sometimes better at expressing this, and lots of the questions in the book come from kids. Did you ask lots of strange questions when you were young?

Zoe: Oh, definitely. Sometimes kids just view things in a completely different way. One of my questions when I was young was, Why have I got two daddies? Because my dad was a public figure, so hed be in the room with me, but hed also be on the telly at the same time. And when I thought Id figured it out, I was overheard bragging to my friend that my dad can get really small and go inside my telly.

My dads usually the person I go to with my most urgent questions. I remember ringing him up from an ancient amphitheatre on a cliff just to say, Dad, how the hell did they build this?

QI Elves: Maybe well address that one in next years book. The closest we get in this one is attempting to answer the question, If Rome wasnt built in a day, how long did it take (p. 211)?

The British public gave us a huge range of subject matter to work with, from stardust (p. 43) to sandcastles (p. 182); from spies (p. 6) to Christmas crackers (p. 34); from chameleons (p. 102) to cheese sandwiches (p. 64) Its a smorgasbord. And youve said before that every answer makes you think of another dozen questions, so we had a few for you, inspired by the content of the book. xvii

Which two animals would you like to see a cross-breed of, in an ideal world (p. 207)?

Zoe: If you could cross-breed a zebra with a sheep and get stripy wool, thatd be quite fun. I love farm animals, and so I like the idea of combining them with something more exotic. Getting a giraffes coat on a goat, for instance. Though Im not sure how youd physically cross-breed those two. Probably not going to be pleasant for anyone involved

QI Elves: Are you scared of spiders (p. 178), or do you have other phobias?

Zoe: My daughters terrified of spiders, so I spend a lot of time removing them from her sight, but I love them. And I believe if you flush them down the toilet or wash them down the sink, their friends will come and get you, so I always make sure to save them.

Im generally not too bad for irrational fears, although whenever I get in the sea, I find myself singing the Jaws music to myself, which makes me quite nervous.

My son has trypophobia the fear of small, closely packed holes. We bought him giant crumpets once, just to wind him up. Hell still eat them, but he has to smear them with something straight away to cover up the holes.