Chaz Hutton - A Sticky Note Guide to Life

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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2016

FIRST EDITION

Chaz Hutton 2016
Cover layout design HarperCollinsPublishers

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Chaz Hutton asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN 9780008187620
Ebook Edition November 2016 ISBN: 9780008187637
Version 2016-09-13

I should say something.

Maybe Ill start with an apology. First of all, Im sorry to be so misleading. This book iscalled A Sticky Note Guide to Life, however I sincerely hope you havent picked this uphoping to be guided through life in any way. There is actually very little good advice tobe found anywhere within these pages. There is, however, a hell of a lot of questionableadvice and nonsense wrapped up in general idiocy, which, lets be honest, is far moreentertaining than any good advice (which you wouldnt have listened to anyway).

As you might be aware, this book started as an Instagram account and, like somedelicate animal raised in captivity, at a certain point it got big and bad enough towarrant being released into the wilds of bookstores and Amazon pages. I sincerelyhope youve discovered it gorging on the littered remains of a bigoted politiciansmemoir or alternatively the shredded carcass of a vloggers book (us Instagrammersand YouTubers are mortal enemies, in case youre new to this). Regardless, Im gladyouve got hold of this wily beast and are now doggedly dragging it by the collar, tryingto get it home. Or maybe youre not. Maybe youre just standing there, reading it ina bookstore while you wait for your partner or friend to finish up whatever it is theydragged you down here for. In that case, I think youve just about maxed out on thetime you can read a book in a store without buying it, so pick a lane, put this back andhave a laugh at that stupid politicians book. Or maybe marvel at how a video blog canmake the transition into book format. Or go slam this down on the counter and revealyourself as someone who thoroughly enjoys low-brow nonsense purveyed throughthe medium of crudely drawn comics on sticky notes.

What else do I need to tell you before you delve into this thing? I feel like I need toprepare you for what follows, but in reality, its just a bunch of drawings on smallpieces of paper.

Ill leave you with this thought. The intention from the very beginning before theInstagramming started when drawing stuff like this was still a procrastination toolfor me as I stared down the barrel of a 95 office job, was to waste as much time aspossible as 5pm glacially approached. So, I hope that the following 200-somethingpages provide ample time-wasting material for you. I hope you fail to do wholeswathes of important stuff you had lined up today, and I hope this will inspire you towaste even more time thereafter.

Heres some graphs to get you started. Yes, this might look like a funny, tongue-in-cheekpie chart, but it is deadly serious. Do you realise how many sticky notes it takesme to get a final sticky-note drawing? Im not going to tell you, but suffice it to say thatif I did Id be boycotted by every self-respecting environmental group for bearing soleresponsibility for quite a bit of Amazonian deforestation.

I thought Id put this in just so you can understand the amount of hard work that goesinto drawing this kind of stuff . And yes, your suspicions are correct. You could totallyhave written this book.

That said, try quitting your successful architecture job by telling your employer thatyouve decided to draw stuff on sticky notes full time, while you hope they haventnoticed that youve got the entire offices supply of sticky notes taped to your body.

Anyway, lets do this.

I deserve to celebrate and spend all my money as a reward for surviving theprevious two weeks, and no, I dont care that doing that perpetuates a viciouscycle of recurring debt because Ive already had three Martinis and youre notmy real dad.

Give these cards to as many of your friends and family as you can. Under nocircumstances should you do anything that might resemble work, because,you know, its still early days.

People who unthinkingly regurgitate pseudo-philosophical platitudes will tellyou that you should find something you love, and then make it your job. However,I am yet to find anyone willing to pay me to stand around completely nakedand half drunk while microwaving different fruit just to see what happens toit after certain amounts of time.

Before you engage on a Monday, consider the following. Are you sure youregenuinely interested in what your work colleague did on the weekend, orare you simply using that thoughtless Monday greeting because you donthave much of a connection with them and youre just desperately trying toconstruct some kind of engineered friendship for the sake of being politewhile you momentarily share the same space in the office kitchen?

The same applies to holidays as well. I know you had a great time and that youexperienced a whole bunch of amazing stuff, but your amazing retelling of itisnt even close to experiencing it in person. If anything, you should probablyhave spent the weekend doing a storytelling workshop run by an esteemedraconteur.

As you stand there, looking out over the treacherous week ahead of you, knowthat down every crevasse is a meeting that could have been an email, behindevery insurmountable boulder is a work colleague asking about your weekendand at the top of every tricky climb is a boss still unwilling to give you a payrise. However, once you haul yourself up by the fingernails at the other end andkick the dusty remains of IT issues, midweek hangovers and bad work coffeefrom your boots, youll have arrived on a small ledge made up of two gloriousdays, where you can stand up, take in the view, check out the next canyon in thedistance and rightfully complain that the ledge really isnt big enough.

Okay, so lets recap. Weve failed to agree on anything or resolve any of theoutstanding issues, although we have agreed when the next meeting shouldbe held, and as far as I can tell everyone has quite enjoyed not having to do anywork for the last half-hour, so good job, everyone.