ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I would like to thank a number of people who helped me bring this book to fruition:
Carrie Thornton, my editor at Dutton, who supported, encouraged, and believed in me throughout the editorial process.
Loretta Barrett, my agent, who stood by me for this, my most challenging book yet.
Billie Fitzpatrick, my writing collaborator, who once again masterfully helped me take all of what was inside of me and put it into the pages of this book.
Dina Lapolt, my good friend and lawyer, for all her sage support and advice.
Howard Bragman, my publicist, who is tireless and generous with his expertise.
And Jenny Elia, who, as my partner, has contributed her creativity, passion, laughter, and love during this long haul.
I would also like to thank others who contributed so much to me and to this book, including Christine Ball, Stephanie Hitchcock, and Linda Cowen.
I am especially grateful for all of my family and friendsyou know who you arewho have inspired me, encouraged me, and believed in me. Thank you.
Afterword
I had no idea that life could be so easy, or that I could feel so happy and so at peace. If I knew how transitioning was going to change the quality of my life, I would have done it years agobut I didnt know a lot of things. I didnt know how hard my life had been to live until I had something else to compare it to. I didnt know how disjointed I felt until I became whole. I didnt know how disconnected I was from my physical body until I was finally able to inhabit it.
Throughout the years that I agonized about whether or not to transition, I researched the subject thoroughly. I knew once I started taking testosterone that my voice would deepen, my sex drive would increase, and my face and body would begin to grow hair and muscle mass. I knew that I could change emotionally as well, potentially becoming more aggressive and more confident, and that my reasoning could become more linear and my thought process more logical. I also knew what to expect after having top surgery, how my chest would most likely look, where the scars would be and where my newly constructed nipples would be placed.
What I didnt anticipate, and could never have prepared for, was that I would feel so good, so whole and complete, and that by comparison, through my new set of glasses, I would truly see how difficult and often painful my life had been before transition. Along with going through all of the changes that have happened as a result of transitioning, I have also experienced a deep sense of loss and profound sadness for the forty years of life I spent inside of the wrong body. In addition to the elation that I have felt while becoming the man I was always meant to be, I have had to grieve that my life is half over and I am only now feeling like a complete human being. I grieve for my lost youth, for the boy and young man that I didnt get to be, and I grieve because I will never experience what its like to grow up as a man, only what its like to grow old as one.
In spite of this sense of loss, which has now diminished greatly, I am more grateful than words can express for my life, and am happier and more fulfilled than Ive ever been. When I do have those momentary pangs of sadness, I turn to my spiritual belief system and summon the faith to put my life back into a positive perspective.
I believe that all human beings are here for a reason, that we are capable of great spiritual growth and can effect miraculous positive change for ourselves and othersI believe in a loving God, a higher power, who delights in diversity and has only our best interests at heart. I also believe that we can use the challenges weve experienced to become wiser and more compassionate, and that it is an honor and an obligation to utilize these life experiences to help others who are challenged by issues we have already overcome.
My life has been an extraordinary journey so far, and while it hasnt been an easy life, it has certainly been a good one.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Chaz Bono is the only child of Sonny Bono and Cher, and for the past fifteen years, an active GLBT rights advocate, author, and speaker. An acclaimed author, Chaz has written two books: Family Outing: A Guide to the Coming-Out Process for Gays, Lesbians, and Their Families and The End of Innocence: A Memoir. He lives with his girlfriend in Los Angeles.
Billie Fitzpatrick is a writer and book collaborator. She cowrote Chazs first book, Family Outing. Billie lives with her family near Boston, Massachusetts.
RESOURCES
Useful Websites
www.Chazbono.net
National Center for Transgender Equality http://www.transequality.org (202) 903-0112
Transgender Law Center http://www.transgenderlawcenter.org (202) 903-0112
FTM International http://ftmi.org
FTM Alliance of Los Angeles http://ftmalliance.org
TransYouth Family Allies http://www.imatyfa.org (888) 462-8932
National Gay & Lesbian TaskforceTransgender Civil Project http://www.thetaskforce.org/issues/transgender (202) 393-5177
Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against DefamationTransgender Terminology http://www.glaad.org (323) 933-2240
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)Transgender Network http://community.pflag.org (202) 467-8180
Gender Spectrum www.genderspectrum.org (510) 567-3977
Transforming Family www.transformingfamily.org
Books
Shes Not There (Broadway, 2004) by Jennifer Finney Boylan
The Riddle of Gender (Anchor, 2006) by Deborah Rudacille
Becoming a Visible Man (Vanderbilt Press, 2004) by Jamison Green
Just Add Hormones (Beacon, 2006) by Matt Kailey
Body Alchemy (Cleis, 1996) by Loren Cameron
The Transgender Child (Cleis, 2008) by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper
Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us (Routledge, 1994) by Kate Bornstein
My Gender Workbook (Routledge, 1998) by Kate Bornstein
Evolutions Rainbow: Diversity, Gender, and Sexuality in Nature and People (University of California Press, 2004) by Joan Roughgarden
Transgender History (Avalon, 2008) by Susan Stryker
Films
Beautiful Boxer
Becoming Chaz
A Boy Named Sue
Boys Dont Cry
A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story
My Life in Pink (Ma Vie en Rose)
Normal
Prodigal Sons
Sex-Change Hospital
Soldiers Girl
Southern Comfort
Transamerica
TransGeneration
You Dont Know Dick
CHAPTER ONE
A Girl Named Fred
Memory is a tricky thing. Trying to trace back and find the first signs of my being transgender has been quite an interesting, sometimes confounding, and often emotionally painful endeavor. On the one hand, I can tell you that I dont have many clear memories of my early childhood. Like most of us, my earliest explicit memories begin around five years old. But unlike most people, I have stock images stored in my brain that appear as if on cue, presenting the world with facts and pictures that are often already familiar from when I was that cute toddler on my parents TV show. For years, random people have approached me with their memories of me as a young child, hoping I will share in their enthusiasm and offer a precious pearl of nostalgia from the family vault. What they have never quite understood is that these memories are theirs, not mine.
