Wain - Conversations with Tourists on an Island in Southeast Asia

Conversations on an Island of Sand.

ByJack B. Wily

I mean I hear somepretty freaky stuff on the islands. I mean stuff none of us aresupposed to know about. You know what I mean? I listen to peopletalking out there, saying stuff that they probably figure doesntmatter much because no one is listening. The thing is I hear allthese conversations. So, I thought I would write a book about it orsomething. The only tough thing about it is I got to be on theislands to actually hear the conversations. But that is not a hugeproblem or anything because I live in Bangsaen, Thailand. I can shootover to an island in a few hours. It isnt as if I had to makethis stuff up or something like that. I just hear people talk and Iput their words into type. Okay, so maybe some of these conversationshave occurred on the mainland and not on an island. I mean most ofthem were heard on islands, but if a few of them are heard on themainland I dont think I can be accused of having made this up.I mean. I heard at least seventy-five percent of the suckers on theislands of Thailand. Probably, for no other reason than I spend aboutthat much time there. I mean I speak some Japanese. I lived thereabout half of my life. If you dont want to hear about theJapanese you can put this book down now. You are probably reading itfor free at this point so it hasnt cost you anything anyway. Iwould just set it down and walk away from it by I cant becauseI have a story to tell. I mean, it isnt about Japan. I livedthere for twenty-five years, but the story was written in Thailand.Yeah, a lot of the conversations on an island were heard here. I didlisten though for those twenty-five years in Tokyo. I heard a lot ofstuff. I drink a lot of Sangsom whiskey so if I get a bit confusingat times it is because I am confused myself. Sangsom doesnthave a lot of shit in it. I can sleep after a bottle of it. Itdoesnt have any stimulants in it that I know of. It doesnthave the caffeine in it is probably what I mean. You can still sleepafter drinking the stuff. You may have noticed that there are nochapters of paragraphs in this book. I dont care for chaptersand paragraphs. I just like to tell my story. I dont even likegrammar really. I mean as far as this book is concerned you getpretty much what you hear. I hear conversations on the beach. I putthem in here. Thats all you here almost. I know if you read mytravel guide to Thailand you already know I am a deep person. So ifyou dont like literature and stuff you mise well quit righthere, cuz this one is only literature and stuff. I mean I dontthink I address any other issue in these pages... Thats why ifyou dont like it so far you should just put it down. Walk outof the book store. It causes you no pain and not much on my sideeither. There is probably one or two days of each year where I getreally shit-faced, I mean drunk, man or women. I just drink one andthen the next day a bottle of whiskey. I mean I get really drunk. Ihave no bones to make of it here. It is just necessary to tell thetruth in the beginning. I mean, I almost get snockerd on these days;I could get out of hand even. I might ride my motorbike around theplace, but I generally never do that. I mean the first time I rode tothe store drunk was entirely beneficial. Stuff like that. Boy itsalmost like I am trying to write my first book or something here. Ihave published three already. But I dont think I have been sohonest before. Here I just tell the story as it happens. No bullshitor fuck words. I just say what I see. So, you are probably wanting tohear one of those conversations on the sand about now. I give it toyou here. Heres forty of the suckors.

Fouroclock in the morning. Hit the sack early. Have beenbrainstorming tourists we have met on the islands, so I will callthis section:

Portraitsof People on the Islands (Where do you fit in the puzzle?)

Imremembering back to all the people seen and to how they went abouttheir trip to Thailand. How they thought about things ... anyquestions they had.

(HANG INTHERE. IT STARTS SLOW BUT HAS INFO APPLICABLE TO YOU, I HOPE)

1. Illstart off with a Chinese American that I met on Koh Chang. He stayedin the Chang Bar Bungalows way down on the end of White Sands. Hewas an artist out of San Francisco. He wasnt really a beachguy. I dont think he ever went in the water and he wore sockson the shore. He said there is lots of poisonous stuff in the ocean.He had a motorbike and he was always off collecting stuff in shopsall around the island. Arty stuff like masks, I guess and sculpture.Sculpture was his thing. He also liked to go out to eat. I think hehad a lot of Thai people that he knew. He had family in China andwould get over there often too. He had a light-weight nylon hammockthat fit in a little sock and took up little space in his gear. Hewas quiet in the evenings and was not adverse to a little whiskey.He was staying in the room opposite mine. He generally got off earlyeach day and returned with his findings. He wasnt too keen onAmerica anymore. He used to say how happy it was here and talk aboutthe weather and how gloomy America was nowadays. I think he meantthe race relations and those sorts of problems and the hideouscrimes, not race related that have become so common.

2. Justbefore he arrived there was a young Australian couple. His familymade charcoal art pencils and the Thais were interested in them.They were off on a six month trip with a month or so in Thailand.They had been here many times or had spent a significant amount oftime here at any rate. They had a very good digital camera and oneach trip they focused on a topic. The day I walked with him, waydown the beach, he was taking pictures of statues. They ate in theChang Bar and he played with the Thai kids on the beach. He was verygood that way. They loved him and I may have noticed it because I amnot really like that. I like kids OK and I will talk to them, but Idont go out of my way, lets say, to play with them ontrips. They talked to Thais and interacted with them. We walked downto the other end of the beach one morning and made are way up to thebeach road for Thai coffee and Chinese doughnuts and snooped aroundthis luxurious walled-in sort of resort that looked like some sortof hangout for high-ranking government officials. A guard insidewatched us and we pretended we were agents taking reconnaissancephotos.

3. Thenthere is the Australian couple, lady in thirties, guy about fifty.On the first night they came in they moved their mattress out ontothe balcony of the KC HUT (the ones that are gone now) and sleptoutside. We were in a hut a couple down from them. He didntseem very social. I thought he wanted to be left alone and I thoughtthey were seasoned roughing it people sleeping outsidewith all the mosquitoes. A couple of days later we chatted with themand ended up going out for a drink. He drank. I drank. Both of ourwomen didnt drink, theysaid.I had drank plenty the day before and had a coke or something and hewas also not drinking at that time. The two women who didntdrink bothhad adrink.Women sometimes... That day in front of our huts he asked me aboutthe mosquitoes and if there was malaria on the island and about anyother diseases. I told him when I saw them sleeping outside withouta mosquito net I figured them for mountain folks, hardened to thegreat outdoors, and he said no, he got eaten alive that night and hethought he had a bit of a fever and was concerned about it. I toldhim there wasnt much malaria on this particular island, butwho can know a thing like that? I did tell him that in townsthroughout Thailand a few people die of encephalitis every year. Idont think that made him feel good. He was okay in the end Ibelieve. So anyway, we have seen several groups take mattresses outon the porch ... it is cooler outside. If you do, get yourself arectangular mosquito net. They sell them in some placesandrig it up over the porch. I have always wanted to try it. So far wehave used the net in the room. Use the mosquito spray if you do itand light a few coils. (Some huts are enclosed enough so that if youlight a coil inside you may not have to use the net, if you findmosquito nets claustrophobic like I sometimes do. A note on coils.These coils burn out if they fall on the wooden floor, but they willscorch the wood before going out. Put them inside a steel can ofsome kind and away from thatched bamboo walls or anything that burnsreadily. Use some sort of base that doesnt burn at any rate.There have been tragic cases of tourists, probably drinking andhaving candles in the room or smoking, that have died in hut orbungalow fires. We have been at places that have experienced thesefires and they post signs disallowing candles in the room. You couldput a candle outside; I think its kind of more of a hassleand worry than anything.