Jennifer Hawkins - The Gift Giver: A True Story

This memoir is a factual account according to the authors recollections. Some names and identifying details have been changed in order to protect the privacy of individuals.

Published by Emerald Book Company
Austin, Texas
www.emeraldbookcompany.com

Copyright 2011 MJCBH, LLC

All rights reserved.

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Publishers Cataloging-In-Publication Data
(Prepared by The Donohue Group, Inc.)
Hawkins, Jennifer (Jennifer Lynne), 1969
The gift giver : a true story / Jennifer Hawkins.1st ed.
p.; cm.
eISBN: 978-1-934572-92-4
1. Hawkins, Jennifer (Jennifer Lynne), 1969Family. 2. BereavementPsychological aspects. 3. HusbandsDeathPsychological aspects. 4. Loss (Psychology) 5. WidowsUnited StatesPsychology. I. Title.
BF575.G7 H29 2011
155.9/37 2011923306

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Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper

11 12 13 14 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

For our boys

NOTE TO READER

I believe these events happened to me and are true.
But truth is a very personal thing.
And my truth may or may not be your truth.

My intention is to share with you the experiences, lessons, and insights that changed my and my boys lives forever, in the hope that they will deeply enrich your life.

I wrote this book for you.

Jennifer

I woke up at 6:40 after sleeping soundly for an unheard-of nine hours. I looked over to see if Mark was awake. He was, and he smiled at me.

Just then, Connor and Brannon came running into the bedroom and jumped on our bed. Mark rolled over and held me in his arms while the boys pulled open the covers and snuck in. They began to tease Mark to play with them and let go of me. He didnt.

I relaxed into his arms and enjoyed the sensation of my husband, my boys, and me, snuggled together: intimate, comfortable, a family. I wanted the moment to last forever.

Later in the day, Mark and I went out to lunch. While we were ordering our food I said, Im so excited for our trip to Cozumel next month.

Mark said, I know! Can you believe we will be swimming in the ocean in five weeks?

I laughed and said, I hope it isnt like our honeymoon!

Mark laughed too while we both remembered that escapade.

Then Mark said, We need to get the boys passports.

Id forgotten about that. I said, Did you find out what we need to do?

He said, Yes, we both have to take them to the counter at the passport place and bring all four of our birth certificates. Then they will put a rush on them and well get them in time for our trip.

I said, Should we do that tomorrow after we pick them up from school?

He said, Thats exactly what I was thinking.

After lunch, Mark went to work downstairs in his office while I went upstairs to my office to check on a few things. But I couldnt concentrate. I went down and knocked on Marks door. I wanted to talk with him about the changes in our marriage and how happy I was since we had started counseling, but when I saw the look on his face, I simply walked over and sat on his lap.

He held me in his arms for a couple of minutes and then took my hand and, without a word, led me upstairs to our bedroom. After working in the house together for five years, that was a first.

When the boys got home from school, we took them on a bike ride around the neighborhood and then cooked dinner together. Before we started eating we did our five seconds: We held hands and were quiet for five seconds, and then each of us said what we were thankful for.

The boys were thankful for their food, as usual. Mark said he was thankful for his family, as usual. I said I was thankful for Mark.

While I was doing the dishes, Mark took the boys upstairs and gave them their baths. Later I walked in to brush my teeth. Brannon looked up at me from the tub with a face full of bubbles and made a big smack with his lips as if he were kissing me. I just laughed.

Mark read to the boys and put them in bed. He told them stories about his grandparents, Big Granny and Big Poppy, and their dogs, Elmo and Mandy, who were up in heaven playing.

After he finished, Mark came downstairs, and we cuddled on the couch and watched a couple of episodes of Friday Night Lights. Typically we would go to bed around ten oclock, but tonight, at ten thirty, Mark asked if I wanted to watch just one more show.

I said, No, Im pretty tired. He seemed kind of sad but let it go.

When I got up to our bathroom, I looked at the mirror and started laughing. Mark had taped a note there and written it as if it were from Brannon to me. It said, Smack! I love you, Brannon. It even had a set of lips drawn on the note.

As we were lying in bed, a fulfilling sense of peace and warmth came over me. I realized that I felt similarly to the day we had gotten married. Everything felt right. I remembered that day and how the night before, a storm had come rolling through the hills. The excitement of our wedding had been as thick in the air as the smell of the rain. Now the joyful anticipation of our future life together rolled through me like a strong, sure current. Mark scooted over, held me for a while, gave me a kiss, and said, I love you.

I love you too, sweetie.

But then he added, No, I really, really love you.

This was the first time he had ever said it quite that way, and it felt delicious.

I looked up at him and said, I really, really love you too.

The last thing I remember thinking before I drifted off to sleep was, I am so excited for the next year of our lives. I cant wait to spend it together with this amazing man and our family.

When I woke up, I could see the light starting to come through the window but decided to close my eyes and enjoy the silence and peace that only comes before the first words of the day are spoken.

After a few moments, I heard Connor through the monitor, singing in his room. His soft young voice made me grin, and I thought, How am I so lucky, to wake up this way?

I slowly opened my eyes and turned to glance over my shoulder. I noticed that Mark was still sleeping, so I gently got up out of bed and looked at the clock: it was 6:28. I tiptoed over and turned off the monitors, then sneaked out of our room, quietly closing the door so Mark could get a few more precious minutes of shut-eye.

I walked down the hall, and when I opened the door to Connors room I saw his hairso blond it was almost whitepoking out from under the covers. Then he pushed the comforter aside, looked up at me with his angelic, sky-blue eyes, smiled, and said, Hi Mommy. Is today a school day?