Robin Bennett - Nervus Rex And Other Rhymes

Title Page NERVUS REX the mostly pink dinosaur and other rhymes by Robin Bennett Publisher Information Originally published in Great Britain by Monster Books The Old Smithy, Henley-on-Thames, OXON RG9 2AR Digital edition converted and distributed in 2013 by Andrews UK Limited www.andrewsuk.com All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publishers. The right of Robin Bennett to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. 2013 Robin Bennett This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold,hired out or otherwise circulated without the publishers prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser Introduction Eight and a half things you need to know about poetry before reading this book 1. Poetry never harmed anyone. 2. 2.

When poetry rhymes it is usually considered BAD but peo- ple like it. When poetry doesnt rhyme it is considered GOOD but secretly everyone finds it dull. 3. Somebody probably too clever for his own good once wrote that it was impossible to find a rhyme with the word orange. 4. Poetry is the oldest form of literature in the world.

All stories used to rhyme so that people could remember them more easily. 5. Rap is basically modern poetry. 6. There are more poets in the world than professional writ- ers. 7. 7.

Poet comes from a Greek word meaning Maker. So there you go. 8. This is not a poetry book. 8.5. Almost anything rhymes with orange if you try hard enough.

Monsters S cary monsters in the dark who hide in bushes in the park, Come out and chomp their yellow fangs and terrorize my bed in gangs. They moan and roll their yellow eyes, They come by buses in disguise. Theyve even learnt to get tube passes by wearing wigs and buying glasses. Because it is their great delight to stop me sleeping every night, By hiding in unlikely places, Then jumping out and pulling faces. They mess up my room with magic spells and make me sick by making smells. The Hippos Song As the angry African sun arises, We appear from mud like big surprises and blink our beady eyes, Yawning toothies at the skies. The Hippos Song As the angry African sun arises, We appear from mud like big surprises and blink our beady eyes, Yawning toothies at the skies.

Gargling great flies up our terrible noses, Sifting the purple mud between our toeses, We slop on a silver fishy sea and tan our tummies quite naturally. (chorus) We are round bellied bottom big But we couldnt give a fig Theres no need to make a fuss Were the Hotawaterbottlemus We are wallowing in brine, Garling yellow goo like fine wine, As we meet, never late nor soon on a sunny wafternoon. Bellowing like great black kettles, We sing as the soaked sun settles and mourn at the many stars, The Moon, Jupiter and Mars. (chorus) We are round-bellied, bottom big But we couldnt give a fig. Theres no need to make a fuss, Were the Hotawaterbottlemus. Upon The Stairs Upon the stairs, Is where I like to sit and no-one ever really cares, If I just stop here for a bit. Upon The Stairs Upon the stairs, Is where I like to sit and no-one ever really cares, If I just stop here for a bit.

And no-one says it could be bad, To sit as quietly as a mouse and listen to my Mum and Dad, Just doing stuff around the house. Its nice to sit and wriggle toes and have a quiet yawn and no-one ever really knows, If I just sit here nice and warm. Upon the stairs, Is where I like to sit and no-one ever really cares, If I just stop here for a bit. Bad Boris Though his mothers pride and joy, Boris was a nervous boy. Hed never go to lonely places, Hated people pulling faces, Never yelled down corridors or ran amuck on polished floors. For Boris was a nervous boy, Though his mothers pride and joy.

People sighed and would agree, That B lived life unhappily. In fact his mummys little treasure had a life of little pleasure; Never watched a moments television, Spent evenings doing Long Division. But Boris had a cunning plan, For one day hed be Superman! He read old books on forgotten arts, Looked at stars and studied charts. And by mixing pills and shaving lotion, Boris made a Magic Potion. And when he drank the filthy brew, Boris muscles grew and grew. He ran faster than pedestrians, Motorcars -and some equestrians. He ran faster than pedestrians, Motorcars -and some equestrians.

He barely had time slowing down, Before he reached a nearby town. And though he knew it wasnt nice, He started nicking merchandise. He whizzed around the crowded streets, Smashing doors and stealing sweets. Whilst shouting out some very rude names Boris nicked computer games. He chomped through lollies and chocolate bars, Swiped baseball caps, toy motorcars. He took some things he really didnt need - he was a wicked lad indeed! But the magic brew was not enough, The potion suddenly wore off.

So Boris crashed and when he woke, He was faced by Angry Folk. -To cut a long, sad story short, He was carted off to court. There was no mercy, nor any bail Boris got ten years gaol. Nervus Rex When out of the ground came horrible noises, Leaving holes to swallow up small girls (and boyses). Terrible creatures roamed the land (at a time when most Human Beings were banned). With black beady eyes and yellow pointy teeth, They had names like Gnasher Collin, or Killer Keith.

They chewed up rocks and swallowed trees, Then charged about on bendy knees. But in Charlfont scientists now have found a fossil curled up underground, A Dinosaur, not like the rest -petrified in fossil vest. In baggy shorts and funny specs, Cave men called him Nervus Rex. With solid facts they have deduced and fat Reports, they then produced, That Nervus (as hes sometimes known), Weighed fifty tons (when fully grown). But what it was that made them think Rex, it seemed, was mostly PINK! Gadzooks, cried Professor Thomas Mller, A dinosaur- in Techniclor! I find it very hard to speak, This dinosaur- he is a freak! But poor old Rex was very lonely, Its hard to be the one and only. And when it came to biting men -Rex, the vegetarian, Would wince and going red, Had light salad instead.