Shakirah Bourne - Josephine Against the Sea

Its 4:58 p.m. and Daddy still isnt back from his date. I should have never allowed him to leave home.

Hes been gone for two whole hours. Two hours we could have spent watching the cricket match on TV! But nooo, he had to go out and have ice cream with a friend. We have good cherry-vanilla ice cream right here in the freezer. He could have eaten that with me.

With my binoculars, I see Jalopy, his old white Jeep, coming from at least two minutes away. I yank the binoculars away from my face and glance at the old brass clock.

4:59 p.m.

He promised to be back by five.

Hes officially going to be late.

I peer through the binoculars again and notice a woman with big, curly hair in the passenger seat. And hes not alone.

I growl under my breath and prepare to defend my territory. Across the street, I notice Ahkai, my neighbor and best friend, taking out the garbage. His face is almost as sour as mine.

I can guess whats in that bag. Its Saturday, which means his mothers made steamed flying fish and cornmeal cou-cou for his entire family.

Thats when an idea hits me.

Operation Slime!

Im going to make sure that friend gets a small taste of life with a fisherman like my daddy. I do my evil laughit starts with a low chuckle and climbs into a roaring cackle.

Ahkai looks up at my window, shakes his head, and hurries back inside.

He knows whats coming

I scramble to message him from my walkie-talkie under the bed.

Come in, Ahkai. Over.

I let go of the button and wait.

Just static.

The old brass clock ticks.

Ahkai, youuu better ANSWER ME! Over.

Silence.

Oh, right. I forgot Ahkai insists on using code names.

Come in, Alpha Mike. Over.

Static, and then

This is Alpha Mike. Alpha Mike. Alpha Mike I wait for Ahkai to finish whispering his code name exactly five times. Thats just how he is. Hes on thewhats it called again? It reminds me of something wonderful Awesome? Rhythm? Autism! Thats it. Hes on the autism spectrum, and I am one of the few people Ahkai utters a word to.

People think hes odd, but I dont mind. Hes my best friend in the whole world. Actually, hes my only friend in the whole world, which is fine by me.

Alpha Mike, retrieve the stinky garbage and bring it to my location. Over.

I waste precious seconds trying to persuade Ahkai to hide in the hibiscus bushes. I dont know why he bothers to protest. He never turns his back on a mission.

Though the bush is about four feet high, it completely covers his short, slight frame. Hes dressed the part of a good lookout, wearing a dark green shirt and black jeans. I push a red hibiscus flower into the black knitted tam on his head to make sure hes fully camouflaged.

Then, I hear a jackhammer rattling in the distance. Thats Jalopy, coughing its way home. I really didnt need binocularsI can hear that engine coming from a mile away. I rush inside to get into position at the top of the stairs.

Soon, Ahkai chimes in on the walkie-talkie.

The target has left the rickety vehicle. She is approaching the red Hibiscus furcellatus bush and ascending the stairs. She will reach your location in approximately ten point three seconds. Nine point six seconds. Eight

I put the walkie-talkie on the floor and pick up my battered cricket ball. Since the incident, Im not allowed near Coach Broomess equipment room, so Im forced to hunt for rejected cricket balls like some kind of cow-leather scavenger. I had fished this one out of the bushes when Jared, the best cricket player at my school, hit it for six. Almost all the thread is gone, and I get little bounce when it hits the grass. But I dont need bounce now; I need precision.

The bucket of slime on top of the fridge has to tip at just the right angle.

I grip the cricket ball between two fingers for a straight throw. Ive heard people on TV compare cricket to baseball because both sports use bats, but cricket is FAR superior. For one thing, cricket balls are much harder and heavier, which will come in handy to move the full bucket.

Focus. Precision. Speed.

Every good bowler knows the best type of delivery to hit the target, and unfortunately for Daddys date, Im the best bowler in the village.

The back door opens, and I know my daddythe gentleman that he iswill let his friend inside the house first. I am overwhelmed by the smell of fruity, cheap perfume.

Now!

I release the ball and watch as it speeds toward the target.

Yes! Yes!

Nooo

The ball misses the rim of the bucket by a whisper. I hope that its wind is enough to make the bucket lose balance from the edge of the refrigerator, but its not my lucky day. Instead, the ball continues across the kitchen and crashes through the window.

The glass shatters.

Daddys date screams and tries to duck, but shes wobbly on her six-inch heels. Daddy grabs her by the arm, steadying her. He looks at the broken glass on the floor, and then glares at me.

Josephine Elisabeth Zara Cadogan!

Through the open door I see Ahkai diving from the hibiscus bushes, scrambling to get away before hes discovered. As usual, he trips over his two left feet, decides to stay on the ground, and crawls through the gate next door.

Ow much times I must tell you not to throw balls in the ouse! Daddy slaps the side of the fridge in frustration.

I gasp as the bucket rocks. Daddy glances up and manages to jump out of the way just before the bucket tips over.

I guess its my lucky day after all.

All the contentsthe fish guts and scalesfall on Daddys date. It looks like a brain has exploded on top of her head, with one particularly long, fat piece of entrails sliding down her ear and plopping onto her bare shoulder like a vomit-colored earthworm. I cant help but gag at the putrid smell of the fish intestines. A swarm of flies zips through the back door and dances above her head, eager to feast on the foul, rotting flesh.

Omigod omigod omigod! she cries.

With a trembling hand, she plucks a fish head from her bouncy hair. A long string of slime clings to her fingers. It reminds me of the gooey trail a slug leaves behind when trying to escape a salt ambush.

This is too much! I just cant! she yells. Daddys date yanks the hair off her head, exposing cornrows covered by a tan stocking cap. She throws the curly brown wig on the ground and heads for the door.

Debbie! Wait Daddy calls after her, but she ignores him.

Goodbye, friend.

Daddy turns around right in time to see the smug look on my face.

Uh-oh.