Mike OConnor - Why Do Bluebirds Hate Me?: More Answers to Common and Not-So-Common Questions about Birds and Birding

Exactly the Same, Only Different

When I mentioned to a friend that I was putting together another book, he asked what this new book would be about. His response caught me off guard. We have been friends for a long time. He knows me pretty well and is aware that I dont know much else once the topic gets beyond birds. Still, I understand why he was asking. After all, I had already written one bird Q&A book. Does the world really need a sequel?

My response to that is, yes, of course it does. (How else do you think I was going to answer that?) I dont know when the first cookbook came out, but cookbooks didnt end with that original book. They still keep coming. There will always be newer and yummier recipes to write about. This same principle applies to bird Q&A books. Ive been operating a birding store for over thirty years, and hardly a day goes by when I dont hear a question Ive never heard before. Some questions are trivial, some are intriguing, and a few truly scare me.

One of the main reasons for this sequel is that sometimes people want to ask a question but it takes them a while to work up the nerve. Its like when we go to the local auditorium to hear someone speak about some topic (birds, flowers, pet hypnotism) that we thought we were interested in at the time. Sometimes the talks are enlightening, and sometimes they make us wish we had stayed home and done the laundry.

But whether the talks are good or bad, they all end the same way: the speakers last four words are always, Anyone have a question? For the next eight seconds the room is filled with deadly silence. Half the people in the audience want to ask a question but are too self-conscious to be the first to raise a hand; the other half of the audience are praying that no one raises a hand so they can get the heck out of there, or at least be first to the refreshment table.

This book was written for the first half of the audience. It is for the people who were too shy to raise a hand and thus their question didnt make it into my previous book, Why Dont Woodpeckers Get Headaches? And Other Bird Questions You Know You Want to Ask. I realize this book should have come out sooner, but Ive been busy hanging out at the refreshment table with the other half of the audience. Theyre my kind of people.

Writing a Q&A bird column for Cape Cods weekly newspapers is not as easy as it sounds. There are always issues to deal with. For example, some folks insist I get right to the point and give them a straight answer. Others dont like seeing their name in print. First of all, I never give a straight answer, so making such stipulations is a waste of time. Second, relax. I use only first names. No matter how lame the question is, no one is going to know you asked it. Im sure there is more than one Mary or Rick in, say, Tallahassee. Besides, having your name appear in a bird column is not the worst thing in the world. Its not like having your name in the police blotter or the obituaries. Asking questions about birds is nothing to be ashamed of. Its not as bad as admitting to being from Tallahassee.

One of my favorite ways to receive a question is what I call the clandestine approach. Someone will catch my eye at work and motion for me to come over to a dark corner of the store. They want to talk to me privately. Suddenly, I feel like Im about to receive national secrets from Deep Throat. But instead of secrets, Im asked which is the last bird to go to bed at night or why wrens have such weird tails. Edgy stuff. Soon I understand why these people dont want to be overheard by anyone else.

In this book Ive tried to answer the questions that didnt make it in the first time around. Ive also included questions from the shy, the paranoid, and the clandestine types. I address such burning topics as these: Why do hummingbirds hum? Why do doves wings whistle? Do woodpeckers take baths? (Again with the woodpeckers.) I also add a few columns on birds that many folks arent familiar with. (Ever see a Hoopoe?) Its my way of trying to expand the readers bird horizons. Theres life beyond backyard chickadees and wren tails, you know.

Im often asked what is the strangest question Ive ever gotten, to which I reply, That question. (It always leads to puzzled looks.) However, I think the top contender for the strangest question has to be one I found on my answering machine one morning. (I swear this is true.) A lady called wanting to know if thistle (nyjer) seed is safe for humans to eat. It seems this woman had bought a bag of thistle, took it home, and put it in a different container to keep it fresh. The next morning she found her houseguest chowing down a bowl of fresh thistle. We played her call over and over until the tape wore out. (Im starting to understand why some people have second thoughts about asking me questions.) The person who ate the seed suffered no ill effects, BTW, but reportedly now sleeps by standing on one leg and sings very early in the morning.

One last thing: When my first book was released, some folks complained that the illustrations didnt match the text. They suggested that when I wrote about a Belted Kingfisher, for example, it would have been helpful if an appropriate illustration had accompanied the text. In this new book I responded to those complaints by ignoring them. There are tons of precisely illustrated books out there. I didnt want to compete with them. It just wouldnt be fair to those other books. Besides, illustrations cost money. If the publisher put extra dough into illustrations, there wouldnt be enough left to pay me. I certainly cant have that.

Like many books, this first chapter starts off simple and basic. Ive avoided dealing with questions about obscure birds or technical topics. Instead, I open with info on comfort birds such as hummingbirds, catbirds, and wrens. Theres no point in scaring people on page one.

Dear Bird Folks,

Im a good person. I make my bed every day, floss regularly, and never litter, but bluebirds avoid me and I dont know why. I have a wonderful tree-filled yard with several specially designed bluebird houses, yet Ive never seen a single one of those sweet birds anywhere near my yard. On the other hand, my cousin, who lives in the very next town, has lots of them. Why do bluebirds hate me?

Roger, GROTON, CT

Its a tough one, Roger,

Its hard to know why birds dont like certain people, but Im sure they have their reasons. Do you have a feather pillow or wear a down jacket? Using those things can go against you. What about your favorite superhero? Its not Catwoman, is it? You and I may think shes hot, but birds cant get past her name. Maybe your birdhouses are the problem. Did you buy them from a birding specialty shop or at a creepy hardware store? Birds really hate people who dont buy their houses from specialty shops. And when I say birds, I mean me. (Sometimes I project.)

Im going to answer your no-bluebird question by telling you a little story. Years ago I tried to get into fishing. This was back before I decided fish looked more majestic swimming free than gasping for air at the bottom of a bucket. When it comes to a new hobby, Im one of those guys who spends more time shopping for equipment than actually participating in the hobby itself. I bought a fancy new fishing rod and reel, lots of lures, and even a pair of those jumbo rubber wading boots that make everyone look like Humpty Dumpty. Each morning I would head off to a nearby pond, carrying my new rod and sporting my Humpty Dumpty outfit... but I never caught a single fish.