Frank Jacobs - Looney Limericks

Looney Limericks Selected and Edited by
FRANK JACOBS Illustrated by
LARRY DASTE DOVER PUBLICATIONS, INC.
Mineola, New York Copyright Copyright 1999 by Dover Publications, Inc. All rights reserved. Bibliographical Note Looney Limericks is a new work, first published by Dover Publications, Inc., in 1999. International Standard Book Number: 0-486-40615-6 Manufactured in the United States by Courier Corporation 40615602
www.doverpublications.com Whats a Limerick? Whats a limerick? Its a five-line poem that tells you a quick story all in rhyme. If youve never seen one, then youre in for a treat. Limericks are fun to read, easy to memorize, and great to share with your friends.

Here are sixty limerickssome old, some new, but all of them chosen for their looniness. They probably wont change your life, although There once was a man mean and proud Who never would smile, so he vowed; He then took a look At this limerick book, And guess what! Hes now laughing out loud. Frank Jacobs There was a young man of Bengal Who went to a masquerade ball; He dressed, just for fun, As a hamburger bun, And a dog ate him up in the hall. There was an old fellow named Green Who grew so abnormally lean, And flat, and compressed, That his back touched his chest, And sideways he couldnt be seen. A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd; She was frightened and screamed very loud; Then a happy thought hit her To scare off the critter, She sat up in bed and meowed. There was an old man of Blackheath, Who sat on his set of false teeth. There was an old man of Blackheath, Who sat on his set of false teeth.

Said he, with a start, O Lord, bless my heart! Ive bitten myself underneath! A very large woman named Kate Is six hundred pounds overweight; On an overseas trip Shes transported by ship In a wooden container marked Freight. Frank Jacobs There once was a knowing raccoon Who didnt believe in the moon; Every monthdont you see? Theres a new one, said he; No real moon could wear out so soon! Mary Mapes Dodge There was an old man with a beard Who said, It is just as I feared! Two owls and a hen, Four larks and a wren, Have all built their nests in my beard! Edward Lear There was a young farmer of Leeds, Who swallowed six packets of seeds; It soon came to pass He was covered with grass, And he couldnt sit down for the weeds. In the forest an old armadillo Took a nap neath a large weeping willow; Just a moment ago He learned to his woe That a porcupines not a good pillow. Frank Jacobs There was a young woman from Niger Who smiled and rode out on a tiger; They returned from the ride With the lady inside And a smile on the face of the tiger. A cannibal living in France Ate an uncle and two of his aunts, A cow and her calf, An ox and a half, And now he cant button his pants. There once was a silly young ape Who gave up his skin for a cape; Now he swings through the trees, All exposed to the breeze, Which leaves him in very bad shape. A lion whose manners werent nice Played Monopoly with two white mice; After losing, he roared, Then devoured the board, Marvin Gardens, both mice and the dice. A lion whose manners werent nice Played Monopoly with two white mice; After losing, he roared, Then devoured the board, Marvin Gardens, both mice and the dice.

Frank Jacobs There once was a hungry old leopard Who brought home a skinny young shepherd; Said the leopard, I feel That youll make a good meal Once youre properly salted and peppered. There was a young farmer of Leeds, And simple indeed were his needs; Said he, I wont toil Growing things in the soil Ill just eat the packets of seeds. There were three little birds in the wood Who sang hymns any time that they could; What the words were about They could never make out, But they felt it was doing them good. A dashing young spotted hyena Made a date with an aardvark named Lena; Lets go dancing, said he; Sounds like fun, answered she, But I wont do that darned macarena! Frank Jacobs Once a grasshopper (food being scant) Begged an ant some assistance to grant; But the ant shook his head; I cant help you, he said, Its an uncle you need, not an ant. Oliver Herford A barber who lived in Batavia Was known for his fearless behavia; When a giant brown bear Took a seat in the chair, Said the barber, No way will I shavia. There was a strange man from Dundee Who claimed he was Francis Scott Key; When his friends said, No way! He replied, Thats okay As of now I am Robert E. Lee. Lee.