Ronda Brooks Wilson - In the Midst of Bi-Polar Disorder: Youll Find a Praise

IN THE MIDST OF
BI-POLAR DISORDER

YOULL FIND A PRAISE

Ronda Brooks Wilson
and Paul Wilson

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2021 Ronda Brooks Wilson and Paul Wilson. All rights reserved.

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Published by AuthorHouse 12/03/2021

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4542-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-4541-9 (e)

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CONTENTS

Dear reader, when you read this book I want you to understand how important it is to speak the word of God and believe what it says and to stand on the word and what God says in spite of the situation. Not thinking about what it seems like or looks like just trusting God and demonstrating that trust by what you do, and doing whats pleasing to God in spite of what it looks like or feels like. Then you will be operating in Psalms 34 saying I will bless the Lord at all times.

CHAPTER 1

T his book is a story of stress struggle and strain a depression that everyone thought would remain but God came in as a strong wind blows erased all the madness and turn the darkness to gladness and gave me a chance again Im not going to say first second or third chance because he is a god that gives many chances. As I can remember back to age 10. I was about 140 lbs in about 4 feet 11 inches medium build I could easily pass for 14 or 15. I was mature for my age and I thought I knew it all I didnt know why I was never satisfied only when things went my way I was a 6 grader and I was very very angry mean and upset the majority of the time I gave the teachers a hard time and I always was doing something whether it was fighting arguing or acting out, I was very outspoken by the time I was 11 years old still dealing with issues very confused I thought I already had the answers to life and looking for love in all the wrong places. I did have a few friends coming up as a adolescent there names was lisa and Valerie but as we got older we grew apart but i can remember my first church encounter with Mrs Hinton she stayed on Michigan Ave it was a apartment complex all the children would play together even her children they had curfews but she was the only one. I new that talked about church and knowing God one Sunday she took me to church I was around 11 years old. I can remember her saying baby get to no Jesus your going to need him. We all do. I didnt no then but I found out later I thank God for her anyway eventually I begin to like a young man that was the age of 17 We snuck around for about 6 months my mother and my grandmother did not know eventually I ended up pregnant, by the time was twelve years old I had to go to a hospital in Detroit because the pregnancy was in my tubes all I can remember is being put to sleep and the next day it was over not realizing years later I will always wonder about the child I never had, still having mood swings not understanding what I was going through what was going on with me. I eventually continue to stay with the young man but we begin to have arguments and disagreements by the time I was fourteen years I had abortion I had been assaulted I was mentally and physically abused but the frustration didnt stop there the wounds healed on the outside and left cuts on the inside the young man that I was dealing with he knew that whenever we got into a disagreement he would hit me so the wounds would. Not appear but he was hitting me in my body area not in my face and at that time I thought I was in love and I didnt want to get anybody in trouble. So I kept it to myself eventually as I got older I outgrew him and we went our own separate way. I can remember the last incident we had I was around 17 I was at my friends home with her mom and brother visiting now years later her brother became my sons dad. Anyway at that time I was visiting my friend. And my boy friend at that time was around 23 years old we were slowly separating he knocked on the door of my friend home. I answered that door my friend said wait her name was Martha. That man pulled me outside and begin to beat me so bad i thought I would die. But her mom came downstairs with a gun outside and said let her go. He saw the gun and ran I ended up with a broke nose. And jaw and 2 black eyes. I truly believes Mrs. Viola save me god really used her to bless me after that night me and the young man never spoke again a year later I started dating my friends brother but I still carried baggage along with me I was still hurt upset and angry and didnt know what was going on it was like I was five or six people at different times I was dealing with so many different personalities I was like a walking time bomb by the time I was 18 years old I was off and running my grandmother raised me my mother and father was always in and out of jail well prison my grandmother did her best gave us a lot of mother wit and knowledge. she also provided for us we had everything. We needed at least we thought so. She always told us the mother wit quotes you know those sayings like the grass is greener on the other side dont cry over spilled milk closed mouths dont get fed dont throw rocks when you live in a glass house yourself. I had other siblings a younger sister she was about 14 years old we called her niecy, and a younger brother named montez. He was around 16 I was the oldest my grandmother was paralyzed on one side of her body but she did her best to raise us her and our grandfather 6 months into being 18 years old I thought I was grown I thought I could go and do what I wanted I started hanging out and going to different places and parties a friend I grew up with he was a young man about 20 years old another time I considered a childhood friend similar to like having a close brother i was at a party one night and he was trying to get a ride home I felt it was harmless because he was a childhood friend, we all grew up together right before I dropped him off I can remember getting halfway to the destination to a street called Snow Road I never forget that road, I was told to pull over at gunpoint and to get in the back seat it had to be close to midnight I was raped. At gun point inside of my car after he was done I told him I wanted to get in the front seat to get my clothes I got out of the car first and he proceeded to get out of the car after me but when he stepped out I was already in the front seat and looking in the rearview mirror I drove off with his clothes and his gun in the car and left him outside the car. I went to my fiance job at the time and from there I went to the police station and the hospital, after a series of tests were performed I was back at home again lying on my stomach for 3 to 6 weeks so now I had more baggage to deal with as I said before the wounds healed on the outside but there were cuts on the inside and it didnt stop there a year later I had my first son by my boyfriend at the time that childs name was Jimmy he was named after his dad. he was the first grandchild so the grandparents which was my mom and grandmother had him the majority of the time so that left me a lot of free time to get into the fast life yes I did graduate from Ypsilanti High School in 1985 and I also graduated from Washtenaw Community College in 1989 as a computer operator I didnt have family members to help me pay for things such as tuition books Transportation you know how some young people they have parents to buy their cars pay their tuition even get their rent paid off so I did not have that, so I decided to work a part-time job through a temporary service and make some extra money on the side, one thing that always stayed the same was the stress the struggle and strain I always had emotional mood swings sometimes I was happy sad angry and mad never stable never knew how I would react I was always a roller coaster up and down so here I am in 1986 with a son and being the first grandson I was always able to drop him off at my grandmothers house the majority of the time he stayed with my grandmother. I always would leave in the morning for work for 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. I would get off work and sit with my son till about 7 p.m. then I was off and running I decided to sell drugs I really thought I knew what I was doing I made a lot of money at least it was to me at the time it was about $1,500 a week and I was able to pay my rent pay my grandmas rent and send my mother some money because she stayed in Ohio My grandmother raised my brother and my sister and me we loved our mother but she had a life she wanted to live and it didnt always include us all the time, we had a choice to go visit her wherever she stayed but we choose to stay with our grandmother we had a solid foundation didnt like being uprooted living here and living there we were not babies anymore we were young adults from my experience when parents miss out on childrens childhood whether it may be abandonment or if they got sent to prison when the parents come back around its like theyre trying to play catch-up or makeup for what they miss. Once that time is gone you cannot go back and get it you are an adult and the parents still trying to deal with you like your. a child its not their fault its just that they get stuck in the time of where they left the child at. I was making money I kind of new drugs because I grew up around them marijuana selling drinking and smoking dont get me wrong we were well taken care of as far as clothes food and shelter we had everything we need when you look from the outside but internally I was suffering and I am sure my siblings were to especially on. the inside from frustration confusion anger and questions that I wanted answered like why were our parents in and out of prison why couldnt they get it together little did I know that it was a cycle that had to be broken but I found that out later. so now I am beyond 20 years old driving in my nice car I bought from hustling drugs going to clubs with gold rings on my fingers and gold necklaces around my neck and at this time I had a pager on my side because this was in the 80s, I did have a phone in the car which was very popular at that time handheld phones were not quite being used, here it is my son going on 2 years old not knowing what is around the corner now Im old enough to go in and out of clubs because I was past 21. and I joined a motorcycle club called the