Tova Leigh - You Did WHAT?

This edition first published in the UK and USA in 2021

by Watkins, an imprint of Watkins Media Limited

Unit 11, Shepperton House

8993 Shepperton Road

London

N1 3DF

Design and typography copyright Watkins Media Limited 2021

Text copyright Tova Leigh 2021

Tova Leigh asserts her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the Publishers.

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Designed and typeset by Watkins

Printed and bound in the UK by TJ Books Ltd

A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-1-78678-550-3 (Hardback)

978-1-78678-575-6 (e-book)

www.watkinspublishing.com

Contents

Introduction

Everyone loves secrets. Not having them, of course especially if they are big secrets. Carrying those can be draining. But hearing them now, thats a different story. Everyone loves hearing secrets, other peoples secrets.

There is something exciting about the fact no one else knows something, and most of us are also a little nosy, even if we dont like admitting it. I dont know how the experts would explain why hearing other peoples secrets is so appealing, all I know is this: everyone likes a good secret, everyone has secrets and, finally, most of us feel better when we share our secrets with others.

Now thats not a given, especially if youre hiding something big from someone close to you. But over the past five years I have heard everything, from cheating and revenge stories to confessions of never spoken loves and abusive relationships, mom secrets, wife secrets, secrets from the bedroom and the boardroom, holiday secrets, sexual fantasies, online dating, and so many poop confessions You wouldnt believe how many people out there have shat themselves.

I figure some of you might like to know WHY I wanted to write a confessions book to begin with, or maybe youre hoping to hear some of my own secrets. To be honest, Ive already written about some of the most intimate parts of my life in my previous book, F*cked at 40 . I have a feeling nothing I have left to say would shock you apart from the fact I sit in the shower.

I honestly thought this was normal until that day, a few years ago, when my husband, Mike, walked in on me and found me sitting down on the shower floor, singing Rainbow High from the Evita soundtrack at the top of my voice. He looked at me in a way he had never done before and said, Are you okay? Did you fall down? He says this is a strange thing to do and I didnt even realize it. But after I came out as a shower-sitter I found out that many people sit in the shower. Some people even have a little stool, which frankly I think is genius, but I fear Mike will never allow it. The point is that what could have been a real cause of shame (yes, Im being slightly sarcastic) became something we laugh about because Im not the only one who does it.

And thats the key not being the only one.

I discovered that many things I did, and thought I was the only one, were actually more common than they seemed, and the way I discovered this was through hearing others confessions.

Five years ago I started a Facebook page called My Thoughts About Stuff. It was a place for me to vent my frustrations and struggles as a new mom. The whole premise of the page was to come out and say the things no one admits out loud, like how hard being a parent is. And not just because of the sleepless nights and how expensive children are, but also because kids can be selfish assholes who ruin your sex life and pelvic floor muscles, plus you never get to go anywhere nice any more or even to the toilet without an audience. In short all the things that are never mentioned in parenting books.

My point is, the Facebook page was all about sharing my deepest secrets, the things I feared people would judge me for if only they knew. It was a place for me to say my truth, and soon it became a place for many other parents, especially moms, to say their truths too.

I realized very quickly that there was something freeing about being honest, especially when it was met with the words I do that too or I feel the same way. I guess there was something comforting about knowing no one was perfect, we were all in the same boat, and everyone was just as miserable as each other. But in a nice way.

And thats how the idea for my live online show, Pyjama Party & Confessions, came about which is what this book is based on. The children were still young and so going out on a Friday night simply wasnt something I did, and I thought to myself there must be so many parents who, like me, have young kids and cant go out but would love to do something fun on a Friday night, so why not do it together?

So I decided that every Friday night we would have a party on Facebook. The format was very simple: I would go live from my bedroom, in my pyjamas, on my bed, broadcasting to people all over the world. We would all have a drink (I had a few) and I would read out confessions people had sent in advance, then we would vote and each week there would be a winner, and we would all have a laugh. It was a way to connect with the online community I had built and a means to connect parents with each other.

I clearly remember the first ever Pyjama Party and how nervous I was. I had no idea if anyone would show up, if anyone would send in a confession or if people would even like it. I made my bed. This was not something I normally did. Dont judge me but Im from the whats the point in tidying it up if its only going to get messed up again in a few hours camp. Yet on that Friday (and many other Fridays after that) not only did I make my bed, I even threw some doughnut pillows someone had sent me for the girls onto the bed to make it look a little more party-like. People fell in love with them and they became part of the Pyjama Party & Confessions set.

I debated what to wear. Do I go for pyjamas or a party outfit?! After all, it was meant to be an alternative to a night out so one could argue I could have dressed up, done my make-up and even brushed my hair. But then again it was also a PYJAMA party and my guess was that most people just wanted to relax and watch someone who looked as tired as they were. So I opted for Mikes pyjamas and a messy mom bun because comfy wins every time. Especially if youre a mom. Side note: in real life I dont actually wear pyjamas to bed, Im more of a T-shirt with knickers kind of gal, but its not as cute as it sounds, Im talking big granny pants and a dingy T-shirt I should have chucked out ages ago. In fact, my favourite T-shirt to sleep in is this pink one I bought from Primark a few years ago for a cancer charity 5km-run which says I have nothing to wear. And that pretty much sums it up.

I wasnt sure what time to start the party. I knew most parents like us would have to go through the dreaded bedtime routine before they could finally pop open a bottle of wine, but I also didnt want to start too late because most parents with young kids crash around 10pm.

At 8:30pm, UK time, I hit the go live button not knowing if anyone would tune in. A few people had sent in confessions in advance via my Facebook DMs. I remember one confession was from a mother who admitted that sometimes she hides from her kids in the pantry when she just cant take it any more. She wrote about feeling mom guilt for doing that and for having those moments, and that she never tells her husband how she feels. I could relate with that more than you can imagine. As a mother of three girls all born in the space of two years (we have twins), hiding was my middle name: pantry, toilet, garden You name it, I tried it. (The best hiding place, by the way, is the car because you can drive off.)