Benjamin Daniels - The Complete Confessions of a GP

DR BENJAMIN DANIELS is the pseudonym of a doctor currently working for the NHS. He can be reached at and @drbendaniels1

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This ebook first published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2015

Copyright Benjamin Daniels 2015
Cover design HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015

This book contains two previously published titles: Confessions of a GP and Further Confessions of a GP.

Benjamin Daniels asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

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Ebook Edition April 2015 ISBN: 9780007569755
Version: 2015-06-27

The events described in this book are based on my experiences as a GP. For obvious reasons of privacy and confidentiality I have made certain changes, altered identifying features and fictionalised some aspects. Nonetheless, it remains an honest reflection of life as a doctor in Britain today. This is what its like. These things really happen.

Contents

Like parents, doctors are not supposed to have favourites but I have to admit to being rather fond of Mrs Peacock. She is well into her eighties and her memory has been deteriorating over the last few years. Most weeks she develops a medical problem and calls up the surgery requesting me to visit. When I arrive, the medical problem has been resolved or at least forgotten and I end up changing the fuse on the washing machine or helping her to find her address book, which we eventually locate in the fridge. As I tuck into a milky cup of tea and a stale coconut macaroon, I reflect that my medical skills probably arent being put to best use. I imagine the grumbling taxpayer wouldnt be too pleased to know that having forked out over 250,000 to put me through my medical school training, they are now paying my high GP wages in order for me to ineptly try to recall which coloured wire is earth in Mrs Peacocks ageing plug.

Mrs Peacock needs a bit of social support much more than she needs a doctor so when I return to the surgery I spend 30 minutes trying to get through to social services on the phone. When I finally get through, I am told that because of her dementia, Mrs Peacock needs a psychiatric assessment before they can offer any social assistance. The psychiatrist is off sick with depression and the waiting list to see the stand-in psychiatrist is three months. Im also reminded that Mrs Peacock will need to have had a long list of expensive tests to exclude a medical cause for her memory loss. Three months and many normal test results later, Mrs Peacock forgot to go to her appointment and had to return to the back of the queue.

Through no fault of her own, Mrs Peacock has cost the NHS a small fortune. Her heart scan, blood tests and hospital appointments all cost money and we GPs dont come cheap, either. Mrs Peacock does have mild dementia but more importantly she is lonely. She needs someone to pop in for a cup of tea from time to time and remind her to feed her long-suffering cat. It would appear that this service is not on offer, so, in the meantime, Ill continue to visit from time to time. When the coconut macaroons become so inedible that even the hungry cat wont eat them, Ill think again about trying to get Mrs Peacock some more help.

The term presenting complaint is what we use when we describe what the patient comes in complaining about i.e. the patients words rather than our diagnosis. Normally as a GP the presenting complaint will be back pain or earache or not sleeping. Elaine Tibbs presenting complaint was different. When I said, Hello Miss Tibbs. What can I help you with today? she said, Im having pornographic dreams about Tom Jones. Her words, not mine.

For the more common presenting complaints, most doctors will already have a check list of questions in their heads. For example, a female patient says, Ive got tummy pain and I say, Where, and for how long? and Have you got any vaginal discharge? When faced with the presenting complaint of pornographic dreams about a celebrity, I was left hopelessly speechless. When discussing Elaines sexual fantasies, I was very keen not to know where, for how long and if there had been any vaginal discharge. Unfortunately, I didnt get a chance to point this out to Elaine before every minuscule aspect of the dreams was described in surprisingly graphic detail.