D. W. Cantrell - The Adventures of Bonnie and Clyde: Clydes Christmas Feast

The Adventures
of
Bonnie and Clyde

Clydes Christmas Feast

DW. CANTRELL

Copyright 2016 by DW. Cantrell.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016916651

ISBN: Hardcover 978-1-5245-4828-5

Softcover 978-1-5245-4827-8

eBook 978-1-5245-4826-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 10/12/2016

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Contents

From the pages of

A Story of Todd Thomas Turner The Third from Tallap oosa ,

comes the continuing stories of

The Adventures of Bonnie and Clyde

Clydes Christmas Feast

Introduction

Hello, my name is Clyde the Cat, and this is my story. Lets dont beat around the bush. The fact that you are holding this book and reading this right now tells me you want to buy this book , so go ahead. Buy this book! After all, its about me. I know, as a human, you do have your problems, but thats why you need to buy this book . When you learn how hard it is to be a cat, you will better appreciate your own position in life. So quit complaining and buy this book! Its a great story about me and my sister Bonnie and all the wonderful adventures that I experience. Trust me, you dont have to keep reading this. Just buy this book and know the money you spend I will most certainly enjoy. I mean, after all, a cats gotta eat. Maybe this will help make up your mind: When you read my story, you will laugh and you will cry, you will be sad and you will jump for joy, but if you dont buy this book, you wont be able to read it, and if you dont read it, then youre just another stupid human. Speaking of stupid humans, Charlie is the human that owns us. Now I dont want to talk bad about Charlie, but I cant really think of anything good to say, and as my mother said, If you cant say anything nice about someone, lie. Its time to stop reading and start walking. Okay, now youre walking, and youre walking to the cash register to what? Buy this book! Theyll take cash, debit or credit. After you buy this book , you can take it home and learn all about cat herding. What was that? Youve never heard of cat herding? Well, youre not going to unless you buy this book . Look, bub, nothing is free. This first one has a happy ending. I cant say the same for the other books, I think they do, but I cant read, so Im depending on that D. W. Cantrell guy to write the stories the way I told them to him. All I know is this: No one can resist a wonderful, thrilling, heartwarming, delicious story about a sweet, beautiful, kind, and loving kitty cat. Now I dont want to leave out my sister Bonnie. I cant. That stupid writer titled my stories The Adventures of Bonnie and Clyde. Why she got top billing is beyond me. Shes okay, but the books were my idea. Im Clyde the Cat, and this is my story, so stop acting like a stupid human, and buy this book! T una fish is on sale. Its buy one, get one free, and I cant do it without your sup port.

Thank you.

Clyde the Cat

Chapter 1

Cat Herding

The story you are about to hear is true.

It all began

Yes, thats right. Im not making this up. It really happened.

So it all began

Im not kidding here. It really did happen. I know because I was there. Honest. Cross my heart and hope tosort of, well, kind ofdie. Maybe a little bit. Sort of Okay, okay. So maybe Im stretching the truth just a bit, and maybe I wasnt actually present. But sometimes you have to exaggerate so you, the listener of the tale, can fully experience what happened and why it happened in glorious Technicolor.

Just go with it, okay? And keep in mind, the story is about two beautiful, lovely, sweet, and adorable kitty cats.

Now lets see. Where was I? Oh yes!

It all began on the night before Christmas Eve night, not so long ago Hey, you know what? I like that. I like it so much I think Ill say it again.

It all began on the night before Christmas Eve night, not so long ago Man, that sounded good.

... What do you mean its confusing? It makes perfect sense to me. Its the night beforethe night before Christmas Eve...

Oh, for Petes sake. Its December 23 at night. There, are you happy now?

Oh come on! What do you want me to start it with?

It was a dark and stormy n ight?

I tell you what, you just sit back, relax, eat some sugar cookies, and let me tell you the story.

It was December 23 at night, and the house was warm and toasty, which was a good idea because outside, the temperature and wind were reminding everyone it was most definitely winter.

I mean were talking some serious cold here. You know, snow, ice, snowmen banging on the doors and trying to get away from the cold, penguins in top hats and overcoats, and sled dogs calling Uber for pickups.

Now I dont want to leave anyone out. So for the moment, Ill be talking to the good folks down under enjoying a beautiful summer in the middle of December, as well as everyone living along the equator. Use your imagination, people, and just pretend youre freezing your buns off. If it will help, dump a couple of bags of ice into one of those big metal washtubs, and stick your feet in it. You may even want to pop the top on a cool one, considering my story takes place during the holidays.

Oh, by the way, Clyde wants me to remind you to stop grumbling about having to use a ladder to decorate palm trees with Christmas lights. He told me it was your idea to live there, so deal with it. All right then, back to the house that was warm and toasty.

The house was warm and toastyas busy as any mall during the holiday season. Family members were everywhere, including uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, moms, dads, grandparents, grandchildren, first cousins, second cousins, a neighbors cousin, and two kids from down the street. In the kitchen, the ladies were fighting over what temperature the oven should be and what should go into that oven first, the green bean casserole or the sweet potato souffl.

In the den, several grown-ups were decorating the Christmas tree with last-minute ornaments. The TV entertained several relatives and one really old lady everyone called Granny with the twenty-four-hour showing of Its a Wonderful Life. Two children over by the piano stayed busy by rearranging the snow village and fighting over who would play Santa Claus on Christmas morning.

Meanwhile

Going in and out the front door of the house, two teenagers shuttled suitcases and presents from the cars outside to the various bedroom assignments inside while two aunts and one uncle rushed from room to room, trying to hide unwrapped presents from their recipients. And finally, stampeding through the house with no apparent destination in mind were the rest of the children... All of them.

Now one of the exciting traditions of the evening in this toasty home revolved around the Christmas gifts. Carefully concealed in bedsheets or shopping bags, presents are carried by guilty-looking parents, sneaking from one back bedroom to another. Once hidden behind pretty paper and bows, the gifts are then handed off to a youngster for placement under the Christmas tree. Unfortunately, it was and is a common practice in this family to leave the receipts unattended on a dressing table or on the kitchen table with the holiday candy that no one would eat, making receipt reading a favorite with the teenagers.