Karen Michelle Graham - A Life to Rescue: The True Story of a Child Freed from the Bonds of Autism

This book is dedicated to

My son Jeremy

and to the autism communityparents, professionals,
and children and adults with autism

Karen Michelle Graham is a pseudonym, used to protect her sons privacy.

Most of the names in this book have been changed.
Actual first names were used in the case of the therapists except where noted.

Real names have been used in the following cases: Dr. Ivar Lovaas, Dr. Kotsanis, Dr. Susan Nichol, Dr. Daniel, Dr. Roy Luepnitz, Crystal Burns, Kristie Ramseier, and Dr. Greenspan.

Many heartfelt thanks to:

My husband Randallhis love, support, and hard work blesses my life every day.

My daughter Jenniferher undying love for her brother and the sacrifices she made for his sake.

Our therapists (Jeremys heroes), Heather, Heidi, Zach, Jessica, Stephanie, Jill, Vicki, Megan, and all the other dear ones who came in and out of our home. Each one blessed our lives. Thank you for helping us rescue Jeremy from autism.

My friends Kelly and Natalie and all the moms who contributed moral support and brought their children for playtime.

Our consultants, Crystal Burns Held and Kristie Ramseier.

My sisters Rebecca, Mary, Liz, and Anntheir love and prayers helped carry the load. Thanks for listening to me for hours on end.

My sister Annthank you for your financial contribution to therapy.

My sister-in-law Paulathank you for the video camera to record workshops.

My writing friends Donna, Marilyn, Marge, Ike, Carol, and Chrisfor your advice and suggestions on the writing of this book.

The Wisconsin Early Autism Project and Dr. Glen Sallows.

If I missed anyone, please know that I appreciate every word of encouragement and every prayer that was given during our crisis.

Summer 1994

F or a romantic like me, life had been ideal. Randall, my husband of fifteen years, was my hero, and we had two beautiful children.

But in the past months, things had changed. Something was terribly wrong with my two-year-old son Jeremy. I bit my lower lip as I sat in the waiting room at our pediatric clinic thinking about the questions I would ask his doctor. First, what was normal behavior for a two-year-old child? Jeremys behavior didnt match my idea of the terrible twos. And when would he start talking? The childrearing manuals didnt cover what we were going through.

I needed answers.

Jeremy moved to a nearby play table while Jennifer, my six-year-old, sat obediently next to me. Children and parents milled in and out of the large clinic. I glanced at the aquarium and noticed a couple of children observing the fish. Why had Jeremy never wanted to look at the fish?

Tapping Jeremys arm, I pointed to the aquarium. Jeremy, look at the fish.

Jeremy spun the beads on a toy mounted on a play table. The red, blue, and yellow maze with colorful beads captured his attention. I frowned. Why the beads and nothing else?

Frustrated and mystified, I sat back down and stared at him. Cute. Blond. Healthy-looking. He was losing his baby fat and thinning out, growing tall for his age. I sighed. He was such a sweetie. With that thought, uncertainty flowed over me. Sweet was the only character trait I could come up with to describe him. I should be able to make a long list of characteristics. Where was his personality? Watching Jennifer and other children, I knew I could describe one as bossy and talkative or another as silly and mischievous, but Jeremy was merely sweet.

A nurse walked from the hallway into the waiting area. Jeremy Graham.

I stood and walked over to get Jeremy, balancing his diaper bag on my shoulder. Jennifer followed behind us.

In a few minutes, the nurse lifted Jeremy and placed him on the scales. He had other ideas. Crying and fighting the nurse, he flung himself to the floor, progressing into a full-fledged tantrum. What was the matter? It didnt hurt to get weighed. Jennifer stepped to the side to get out of his way. I didnt blame her.

A struggle ensued while I lifted him off the floor and tried reasoning with him.

By the time we saw the doctor, frustration had shattered my patience. I felt everyone within hearing range must be experiencing the same irritation. Once in the examination room, I didnt waste time. Dr. Nickel, shouldnt Jeremy be talking?

Dr. Susan Nickel looked past me to care for Jeremy. I wouldnt worry about it. A lot of two-year-old boys arent talking yet.

I sighed.

But hes lost words. When he was twelve months old, he had about ten words. He used to say dog, toy, mine, more, no, and mom. He has lost all those words. Now all I get is the m sound for everything.

Dr. Nickel frowned. Hi, Jeremy.

Jeremy stared blankly ahead of him.

The doctor made silly sounds and faces.

Still no response. Why didnt he laugh at her? He wasnt sick.

Jeremy, look at this. She handed Jeremy her stethoscope and turned it in his hand. Despite her gentle, slow pace, he gazed past her as if she wasnt there.

Jeremy didnt show any curiosity regarding the stethoscope. I would expect a child his age to show more interest. She stuck a small pointed medical flashlight into one of his ears to check it. He cried and fought, flinging his arms and struggling to get off the examination table. Jennifer stared wide-eyed.

Just a moment. I need to get some help. Dr. Nickel left and returned with a male nurse who held Jeremy down for the rest of the examination.

I cant understand this. Jennifer never reacted like this. All kids are different, I tried to reassure myself. Hell outgrow his tantrums.

The doctor finished checking Jeremys ears and turned to me. I really would like a child development specialist to see Jeremy. Ill give you a referral, and lets see what she says.

Dr. Nickel followed us out to the waiting room. While I took care of the paperwork, she continued trying to get Jeremys attention.

Jeremy, look at the fish! I didnt bother telling her I had tried this before without success. Dr. Nickel peeked over at him and pointed to the fish aquarium. But Jeremy walked over and whirled the beads, once again.

Glancing at my watch, I realized Dr. Nickel had spent forty minutes instead of the typical ten minutes with Jeremy. She was booked solid most of the time. What could this mean?