A. Lee Martinez - Monster

Copyright 2009 by A. Lee Martinez

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Orbit

Hachette Book Group

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First eBook Edition: May 2009

Orbit is an imprint of Hachette Book Group. The Orbit name and logo are trademarks of Little, Brown Book Group Limited.

The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

ISBN: 978-0-316-07195-6

Contents

By A. Lee Martinez

Gils All Fright Diner

In the Company of Ogres

A Nameless Witch

The Automatic Detective

Too Many Curses

Monster

Six books. It never stops being weird. How the hell did I get here? Damned if I know. There are a lot of people who deserve to be thanked, but I hate long dedications / acknowledgments. You didnt buy this book to read about me. So Ill skip the long list of thank-yous and just get on with it. If youre not on this list, feel free to use a pen and add a line for yourself. I dont mind. Really.

To Mom and the many fine writers of the DFW Writers Workshop. I may be smart, talented, incredibly cool, and surprisingly humble, but I still couldnt have done this without you.

To the people who keep paying good money to read my books. You keep shelling out the cash, Ill keep writing em.

And to Henchman 24. You will be missed.

The thing was big and white and hairy, and it was eating all the ice cream in the walk-in freezer. Four dozen chewed-up empty cartons testified that it had already devoured half of the inventory and it wasnt full yet.

From the safety of the doorway, Judy watched it stuff an entire carton of Choc-O-Chiptastic Fudge into its mouth with a slurp. The creature turned its head slightly and sniffed. It had vaguely human features, except its face was blue and its nostrils and mouth impossibly huge. It fixed a cobalt eye on her and snorted.

Judy beat a hasty retreat and walked to the produce aisle, where Dave was stocking lettuce.

I thought I asked you to stock the ice cream, he said. No need, she said. Yeti is eating it all.

He raised his head. What?

Maybe not all of it, she said. Doesnt seem to like the vanilla.

What?

Dave wasnt the brightest of guys, and the staffing shortage at the Food Plus Mart and the extra hours hed been putting in had taken their toll. The poor guy got maybe three hours of sleep a night, nine dollars an hour, and two days of paid vacation a year, but it was all worth it to work in the glamorous world of supermarket management, she assumed.

Its a yeti, she said. Big hairy thing. Belongs in the Himalayas. Except its in your freezer, and its eating the ice cream.

What?

She sighed. Just go look for yourself, Dave. Ill handle the lettuce.

Dave trudged toward the freezer and returned. Theres a yeti in the freezer, he observed. Mmm-hmm.

Dave joined her in piling on lettuce. They moved on to bananas, then grapes. He checked the freezer again.

Is it still there? she asked. Yeah. Now its eating the frozen chicken dinners. He rubbed his fat chin. What should we do?

Dont ask me, she said. Youre the manager.

Dave scratched his head. He was obviously having trouble forming a coherent thought. Judy took pity on him.

Isnt there a book of emergency phone numbers, Dave?

Yeah. He yawned. But I dont think it has anything about yetis in it.

Have you checked?

Uh, no.

Its in the office, right? she asked.

He nodded. Oh, Christ, Dave. Just give me the keys to the office already.

On the way to the office, she passed the freezer. The yeti was making a mess, and shed probably be the one whod have to clean it up. She didnt mind. She needed the overtime.

The emergency phone number book was a spiral notebook with a picture of a happy snowman on its cover. She sat in the creaky chair, propped her feet on the desk, and thumbed through the book. It wasnt arranged in any particular order, but she wasnt in a hurry. Fifteen minutes later, she decided on the only possibly appropriate number, picked up the phone, and dialed.

The Animal Control line was automated. A pre-recorded voice informed her of the hours of normal operation, and she was unsurprised to discover that three in the morning wasnt among them. She almost hung up, but it was a choice between listening to a recording or starting on the canned goods aisle, so it really wasnt any choice at all.

After two minutes of interminable droning that Judy only half listened to, the voice instructed, If this is an emergency, please press one now.

She did.

The phone started ringing. She counted twenty-five before she distracted herself with an impromptu drum solo using the desktop, a pen, and a pencil. She was just settling into her beat when someone answered the other line.

Animal Control Services. Please state the nature of your emergency.

Yeah, uh, I know this is going to sound kind of weird, but weve got, uh, like a yeti or something, I guess, in our store. She winced. She shouldve just said they had a big rabid dog. They mightve believed her then. I know how that sounds, but this is not a prank, I swear.

Please hold.

Judy waited for the click and dial tone to replace the steady buzz in the earpiece. It didnt come. The clock on the wall ticked off the seconds. Maybe they were tracing the call right now and dispatching a squad car to arrest her. Or at the very least, give her a stern talking-to. Well, let them. When the cops got here, shed just show them the yeti and it would become their problem.

Cryptobiological Containment and Rescue Services. Can I have your name, please? The woman sounded supremely disinterested.

Judy hesitated, but she figured it didnt make much difference at this point. Judy Hines.

And you believe you have a yeti in your freezeris that correct?

The words were beginning to lose their absurdity. Yes, I think so, she said, though she wasnt as certain as she had been five minutes before.

Can you describe it?

Its big and white and eating all the ice cream, she said. What flavor?

What?

What flavor does it seem to prefer? Yetis generally go for rocky road. Now wendigos, on the other hand, prefer strawberry in my experience.

Whats a wendigo? Judy asked. Like a yeti, except meaner.

Judy considered that this woman might be screwing with her. If Judy were working a lonely job in the middle of the night and got a crank caller, shed probably do the same.

It didnt seem to like vanilla. There was an awkward pause. I am not making this up.

Just stay out of its way. Weve dispatched an agent. He should be there in fifteen minutes.

I didnt tell you the address.

We trace the emergency calls. The operator hung up. Satisfied shed done her job, she went to the front of the store. She shouted, Theyre sending a guy, so Ill go wait for him and take a smoke break while Im at it, Dave! There was no indication hed heard her, but hed figure it out.

The night was cool, and she wished shed thought to grab her sweater. It wasnt cold enough to bother going back. She sat on the coin-operated rocket, lit a cig, and waited.

She wondered about the yeti. It didnt make much sense for a mythical monster from the Himalayas to be in the Food Plus Mart freezer. She hoped the guy the city sent would know how to handle this. She doubted that pole with the loop of rope would be up to the task.