AJ Mass - How Fantasy Sports Explains the World: What Pujols and Peyton Can Teach Us About Wookiees and Wall Street

AJ MASS

Foreword by Matthew Berry

SKYHORSE PUBLISHING

Copyright 2011, 2013 by AJ Mass

Foreword copyright 2011 by Matthew Berry

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

ISBN: 978-1-62087-603-9

Printed in the United States of America

F OR ANDREW KALANI LAMAR

I T BEGINSAS MOST stories dowith a papier-mch fish head. I first met AJ Mass over twenty years ago at Syracuse University, where my friends and I were working at the student TV station. We had come up with the idea of doing a sitcom about a low-rent childrens show host.

The host had a sidekick named Marty the Fishboy who was never to be seen. The joke was that we would describe all these horrific, ridiculous things our host made the Fishboy dobut they would never be onscreen. Whats the old saying? Fishboys are meant to be seen, not heard? Wait. Heard, not seen. No, not seen or heard? Gimme a sec, Ill figure it out. The important part here is there wasnt ever supposed to be an actual Fishboy.

And what happened next would turn out to be a huge turning point in our lives, the world of fantasy sports and the art of papiermch.

You see, our prop person read the script quickly and didnt understand that the Fish, as we affectionately called him, was an off-screen characterthe key word there being off.

So imagine our shock at the next meeting when she showed up with an actual papier-mch fish head. Actually, you dont have to imagine our shock; Ill tell you about it. We were shocked.

You should have seen this thinglarge and bulky with bug eyes and painted-on scales. It was both ugly, hilarious, and completely impractical. What we should have done was to say, Hey, prop girl Nicole, thats awesome, but we dont actually need it.

However, Nicole had spent a lot of time on it and more importantly was very attractive. So, being cowardly and stereotypically male, we of course immediately changed the whole concept of the show to have an actual person play the Fishboy.

AJ Mass was quickly chosen as the guy to play the well-thought-out and suddenly available role of Marty the Fishboy for two very crucial reasons: he fit the head and he was willing.

We ended up doing two years worth of shows. It won a bunch of student awards, and Marty the Fishboy became a fan favorite, earning a cultlike following. But most importantly, it started a friendship that continues to this day. A friendship that included, incidentally, AJ inviting me to play in my first-ever fantasy football league, a league that he was the commissioner of and one that is, as of this writing, in its eighteenth season.

I had played fantasy baseball for five years or so but had never done fantasy football at that point. And while I always loved fantasy baseball, fantasy football ignited a passion/obsession in me that, later in life, drove me to start writing about fantasy sports for a livingfirst on another site, then for my own Talented Mr. Roto site, and eventually for ESPN.

If I dont get invited into that league, who knows how my life turns out? And if Nicole doesnt show up with that fish head, who knows if I ever become friends with AJ to get invited into said league?

A story that starts with a papier-mch fish head and ends with two guys making their living at fantasy sports writing isnt typical, but then again, neither is AJ Mass.

AJ looks at fantasy, and frankly life, in a way that is unique, to say the least. Even in the beginning, he always ran our league differently. From the scoring, to the rules, to the fun things he added on the side, ours was not a typical league in any way, shape, or form.

So when I started my own site in 2004, it was only natural that I asked AJ to write for it. AJ brought the same skewed vision of fantasy and the world to popular columns for my site and then, later, to ESPN and then even later (like as soon as youre done with this foreword) to this book. He has always provoked a strong reaction, the most important quality when looking for a writer.

You may not agree with everything in this book, but all of it will make you think. Youll question preconceived notions and ideas, youll reevaluate strategy, and no matter if you are obsessed with fantasy sports, or you hate it because all your friends and lovers are obsessed with it, youll look at it in an entirely different way. And not just in fantasy leagues, but how the same concepts you currently employ in fantasy can inform other parts of your life.

From how spending Christmas Eve with Allen Iverson can shed light on biases we use in our drafting of players to how the worst improvised show in history should be a guide when making a free-agent acquisition, AJ will entertain and challenge you every step of the way.

Its not often you see Darth Vader, Stephen Hawking, William Shakespeare, Jesus, economist Myron Scholes, Stan Van Gundy, Tuffy Rhodes, Abraham Lincolns secretary of state, Project Runway, psychic Sylvia Browne, Monty Hall, Kanye West, the Twilight movies, Pai Gow Poker, Serbian inventor Nikola Tesla, and Mr. Met referenced in the same book, especially one about fantasy sports, but thats only because you havent read a book by AJ Mass before.

This book will change your life. At least thats what AJ tells me. I havent read the thing yetIm writing this off the outline he sent me. But you know what? Blind faith is a part of fantasy sports, so why shouldnt a foreword be? The crucial part is that you put this down, go to the register, and buy it.

Come on, youve read this far, you could at least plunk down a few bucks! Youve definitely spent more money on worse, and by youve I really mean I and by worse I mean the money I spent on parking, popcorn, and two tickets to any M. Night Shyamalan movie after The Sixth Sense.

Seriously, I demand those hours of my life backwords you wont say after reading this book.

May all your sleepers pan out,

Matthew Berry, the Talented Mr. Roto

December 5, 2010

B EFORE I STARTED writing about fantasy sports for ESPN, I slapped the cards in Atlantic City as a professional dealer. Now, movies often make working in a casino seem glamorous, or at the very least fun. After all, who wouldnt want to be just like Wallace Shawn in Vegas Vacation, mocking Chevy Chases every wager? Unfortunately, actually telling a customer, You dont know when to quit, do ya, Griswold? Heres an idea: Why dont you give me half the money you were gonna bet, then well go out back, Ill kick you in the nuts, and well call it a day! would likely be grounds for termination, even though every dealer has wanted to say something like that to at least one nuisance over the years.