Matthew Berry - Fantasy Life: The Outrageous, Uplifting, and Heartbreaking World of Fantasy Sports from the Guy Whos Lived It

Praise for Matthew Berry and Fantasy Life

As a longtime fan of Matthew Berry, Im happy hes finally collected the most inane and hilarious things people will do in pursuit of fantasy glory. If I was in a fantasy league where you drafted people who write about fantasy leagues, I would draft Matthew first. Also, I would need to make some major changes in my life.

Seth Meyers, Saturday Night Live head writer and three-time fantasy champion in a league you dont care about

You dont have to play fantasy sports to enjoy Matthew Berrys Fantasy Life. You dont even need to be a sports fan. If you like great writing, if you appreciate irreverent humor, if stories about friendship, family, backstabbing, and regrettable Justin Bieber tattoos warm your heart, youll love this book.

Harlan Coben, #1 New York Times bestselling author

I am a bad fantasy football player and worse fantasy baseballer. I am heartened after reading Fantasy Life that this apparently does not matter. Matthew Berrys book proves that there are lots of people out there like us: people who dont use fantasy sports to escape from life, but rather to live it with more fun.

Peter King, senior writer, Sports Illustrated, and owner, Montclair Pedroias, New Jersey Suburban League

If I had to choose between playing real football and fantasy football, I honestly dont know what Id choose. (Just kidding.) For players like me, fantasy sports are an obsession, an escape, and a great opportunity to trash talk each other. Matthew Berry is THE guy (other than me) everyone listens to and texts for advice during drafts. Fantasy Life is a must-read for fantasy sports fans, athletes, and anyone who loves ridiculous stories.

Maurice Jones-Drew, All-Pro NFL running back, host of Running with MJD on SiriusXM Fantasy Sports Radio

I dont care about fantasy sports, and unless it involves a player shooting another player on the field like in The Last Boy Scout, I dont want to hear any stupid fantasy stories. But Matthew Berry did the impossible: He wrote a book about fantasy football that was hilarious and interesting to people who dont even like fantasy football. I loved this book.

Tucker Max, #1 New York Time sbestselling author of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Football can be broken down into Xs and Os, but at the end of the day, were all after drama, human interest, and a great story. Matthew Berrys Fantasy Life is a great story. I know sports can make a difference in peoples lives; Matthew Berry has shown that fantasy sports can, too.

Ron Jaws Jaworski, ESPN NFL analyst, and proud owner of multiple fantasy championships under the name Jawbreaker

For those of us who compete in fantasy sports, its a fraternity. And this book IS fantasy sports. It covers the highs and lows, the good and bad, in victory and in defeat. And its told by the only man who could tell it: Matthew Berry, the Talented Mr. Roto himself.

Dale Earnhardt Jr., NASCAR driver and 12-team Dirty Mo Posse league champion

I was excited to see that Matthew was writing a book about fantasy sports. As a pro athlete Ive seen fantasy sports blow up in the last ten years, and hes been in the middle of all of it. Thank you, Matthew Berry, for writing such a funny bookand for being my personal consultant for the Cardinals fantasy football league.

Matt Holliday, All-Star outfielder, St. Louis Cardinals

Matthew Berry has gleefully documented everything that is so great about fantasy sportsthe celebrations and the punishments, the conniving and backstabbing, the agony and the ecstasy. Hes got an amazing story for any situation you find yourself in. Its the Kama Sutra of fantasy. If youve ever watched The League, you will love this book. Matthew shows in hilarious fashion that fantasy is like lifejust better.

Jackie and Jeff Schaffer, creators of The League

One of the people who makes it so much easier for you to enjoy success in fantasy sports now explains why we all enjoy playing fantasy sports. Draft this book early in your first round.

Keith Olbermann, four-time New York Times bestselling author, nine-time fantasy baseball pennant winner

Matthew Berrys personal journey in fantasy football is a lesson in a reality of life. Now, you can separate fantasy from reality in a fascinating read.

Chris Mortensen, ESPN Senior NFL Insider and always in the money!

Matthew Berrys Fantasy Life is touching, gripping, addicting. Theres nothing like it.

Adam Schefter, ESPN NFL Insider

RIVERHEAD BOOKS

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street,

New York, New York 10014, USA

USA Canada UK Ireland Australia New Zealand India South Africa China

Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

For more information about the Penguin Group visit penguin.com

Copyright 2013 by Matthew Berry

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the authors rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

Published simultaneously in Canada

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Berry, Matthew, date.

Fantasy life : the outrageous, uplifting, and heartbreaking world of fantasy sports from the guy whos lived it / Matthew Berry.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-101-61397-9

1. Fantasy sports. I. Title.

GV1202 F35B47 2013 2013009331

796.1.dc23

Photograph courtesy of Northfield News

Photograph courtesy of Club Risqu

Photographs courtesy of DavidHillPhoto.com

Penguin is committed to publishing works of quality and integrity.

In that spirit, we are proud to offer this book to our readers;

however, the story, the experiences, and the words

are the authors alone.

A Quick Note About the Book

Hiya. Thanks for taking a leap of faith and buying the book. Or having someone in your life who gave it to you. Or just thumbing through it while killing time waiting for a plane because the line at Starbucks is too long. I get it and I thank you.

Just a few quick notes. Some of the things in this book I have written about before, in different forms, on ESPN.com. Theyve all been rewritten, updated, and expanded upon, but yes, I spent more than 12 years writing about myself and my life in a weekly column before writing this book, so yeah, theres some overlap.

Every story you are about to read is, to the best of my knowledge, 100 percent true. Now, Ive had to change some names and details to protect the not so innocent, but as best I could, Ive verified everything in here. That said, what am I, a detective? In some of these I am relying on the accounts of people who were actually there. But look, its a book about fantasy sports. Dont sweat it. Put your feet up and enjoy the ride.

To my parents, Nancy and Len Berry, for always encouraging me to go for the dream, and to my wife, Beth, and kids, David, Matt, Connor, Samantha, and Brooke, for helping me achieve it

Contents

It Starts with a League

or

Everyone Remembers Their First Time

They were in a hot tub, and they were drunk.

Good friends from college, they played in a 10-team fantasy football league together. And as the drinks kept flowing, so did the trash talk.