Margo Lanagan - The Best Thing

Muhammad Alis words on page 7 are from his autobiography, I Am the Greatest. The definitions of pug on page 14 are from the New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, Oxford University Press, 1993 edition. The paragraphs on life before birth on pages 24, 27, 39, 434, 512, 53 and 778 owe a great deal to two articles in Life magazine: Drama of Life Before Birth, 30 April 1965 and The First Days of Creation, August 1990. Any errors arising from their paraphrasing are the authors responsibility. The quotations on pages 54, 97 and 113 are taken from the Right Honourable Dame Edith Summerskill, The Ignoble Art, published by William Heinemann in 1956. Muhammad Alis words on page 87 are quoted in the introduction to Peter Heller (ed.), In this Corner! 40 World Champions Tell Their Stories, Simon & Schuster, New York, 1973. The quotations on pages 92 and 1056 are from National Health and Medical Research Council, Health Aspects of Boxing, AGPS, Canberra, 1975. The scoring guidelines on page 99 are from the Australian Boxing Association, Referees and Judges Manual, 10th edition, 1962. The neurologists words on page 101 were cited in an article by Peter Fitzsimons published in the Sydney Morning Herald on 14 February 1990, The hazy zone was unknown to Tyson. The quotation on page 124 is from an article by Peter Fitzsimons and Daniel Williams in the Sydney Morning Herald on 20 March 1990, and is used with permission. Kostya Tszyus words on page 127 are taken from an interview by Alan Attwood, Eyes on the Prize, published in the Sydney Morning Herald on 12 November 1994, and are used with permission. Jeff Fenechs words about Johnny Lewis on pages 1334 are from an article by Peter Muszkat, Lord of the Ring, published in The Australian Magazine on 23 September 1989, and are used with permission. The quotation on page 140 is from Peter Corriss history of Australian boxing, Lords of the Ring, Cassell Australia, 1980, and is used with permission. The quotation on page 159 is from Casey Meyers, Walking: A Complete Guide to the Complete Exercise, Random House, New York, Casey Meyers 1992, and is used with permission. The quotation on page 169 is from Deirdre Bair, Simone de Beauvoir: A Biography, Vintage Books, London, Deirdre Bair 1990.

Every effort has been made to obtain permission to use these quotations. The author welcomes contact from publishers to rectify any errors or omissions.

The feeling is like being half awake and half
dreaming And your awake half knows what
youre dreaming about. A heavy blow takes you to
the door of this room. It opens and you see neon,
orange and green lights blinking. You see bats
blowing trumpets, alligators play trombones, and
snakes are screaming. Weird masks and actors
clothes hang on the wall.

Muhammad Ali

I find a condom in my locker, with a jelly baby poked right down to the tip. The babys had to be flattened to fit through the locker slots. I glimpse its squashed round face as I gather it up in a tissue, find myself tracing its life history, back into the box with its fellow babies, up into the machine that counts jelly babies into boxes, up along the conveyor belt through the drier, to the nozzles that squirt the exact amounts of jelly goop into the baby moulds. Gloved, hair-netted, white-coated workers in attendance: mould scrubbers, defect spotters, nozzle cleaners. These thoughts get me through the crush, out of the building, through the gate.

Brenner comes up to meno, he comes after me. Wants to know why we broke up. Why we cant be friends.

Oh, you tell me, I say, not even stopping.

Why? he says, all innocent. We didnt have a fight or anything, did we?

No, we didnt. You just disappeared off the face of the earth at the first stupid rumour, thats all. I stride on, trying to get ahead of him.

What rumour?

I snort.

Honest, I didnt hear anything!

Bullshit you didnt.

He jogs up the path behind me. Okay, so I did hear rumours. But there was nothing to em. I didnt believe em or anything.

Youre talking too much. Go away and leave me alone.

He walks along beside me to the crossing, expecting me to wait there. I go straight across the street, forcing cars to stop for me.

Hey, wait on!

Whats the matter, Bren? I say over my shoulder. Suddenly youre all matey again. I dont want you coming home with me, so youd better tell me quick whats on your mind.

I dunno. I just saw Lisa today, and, gee, shes being such a ratbag about you. Like, she was your best friend, wasnt she?

What, you feel sorry for me, do you? Well, wow, so I suppose I should feel flattered. What is it, three months now? A quarter of a year? I appreciate your concern, Bren, I really do. My throat is starting to close over, and I have to walk on.

Mel, dont be like this. Hes following me again.

Like this! I turn on him, way past anger. Hey, Brenner, I think its really, really big of you to come round to my side of things after dropping me like a hot potato, for no reason, without even discussing it, three months ago.

Come on, Mel, I didnt know who to believe!

How about me? Our faces are only centimetres apart before he backs up a bit. I go on yelling. What was wrong with coming to me, for my side of the story? I was the girlfriend, I was the one you were supposed to be able to talk to about anything.

Brenners eyes are all over the place looking for a way out. Hes pathetic. Well, I felt uncomfortable, you know? The things people were saying about you

Like what?

Well, Lisa said you were He looks at me and his eyes have got a horrible expression in them. Hes really curious, greedy to know. That you were pregnant, and everything.

What do you mean, and everything? What else?

She said you hadnt told her who, but that she figured it couldnt have been me, from what you said.

She said, she figured. You twove been having a good old chat, havent you?

Hes not pretending to want to be friends any more. Hes just busting to know. Well? he says. Hes practically twitching, practically on his tippy-toes.

I almost start to enjoy myself. Well what?

How much of its true?

I look him up and down, very slowly. Its not as if he even cares. Not about me, not about what happened. Hes just digging for gossip, hunting for stuff to shout at me tomorrow, when I walk past him and his mates at the school gate.

I shake my head. Its too late for you to expect an answer to that.

What? He puts his hands on his hips. Oh, hes just so tired of dealing with idiots like me.

Three months ago you might have got a straight answer. But after all that carrying on during the exams last year, and pretending I didnt exist over Christmasno way. And all this shit youve been giving me since school got backGod, what Lisas doing is nothing! Its not true, but it sounds good. You can get stuffed. I dont need you around. I dont need shits like you.

He grabs my shoulder. I slap his hand away and back off.

Its true, isnt it? His face turns ugly. I start to put distance between us. He shouts across it, You were up the duff to some bloke, like they all reckon!

They all. They all. Who? How many? I concentrate on keeping my head up, my steps steady.

You did have an abortion! Youre just a slut! You were sleeping with this guy all the time, werent you! I cant see why hes not following me, hitting me. I try to walk faster without seeming to. Its no wonder no-one talks to you. No-one likes a slut! He loves saying that word. He loves being angry, being so