John Maher - Carmens Legacy

CARMENS LEGACY

A journey of tragedy and hope

By John Maher

Published by Carmen Road Safety

PO Box 1315,

Bakery Hill, Vic, 3354

Copyright John Maher, 2021

All rights reserved except as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968 (for example, fair dealing for the purposes of study, research, criticism or review). No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission from the publisher.

For further information, see carmen.com.au

Edited by Mandy Del Vecchio and Lu Sexton

Cover images courtesy of Bendigo Advertiser

Responses to Carmens Road Safety Message

P ast Student

I graduated from high school a couple of years ago, and you shared Carmens story with us. My friends and I always remind each other of Carmen when we feel a bit tired before driving. Her name comes up all the time, and although we didnt have the privilege of knowing her, we all feel a connection to her story, and it has had a profound impact on our lives. I always keep Carmens bookmark in my car.

Student

Id just like to say thank you, you presented Carmens message to a group of my peers at our college. Many of my friends bad driving habits were broken almost instantaneously after your presentation. I honestly believe, were it not for your presentation, some of them may not be by my side today.

Teacher

It has been three days since your presentation, and it has not left my mind. Ive been teaching for 40 years and have heard countless presentations from professional circuit speakers to teaching professionals and so-called celebrities. Yours was by far the best I have ever witnessed. I cried a thousand silent and a few visible tears...

In Memory of Carmen

Dedication

L ife does not always hand out red roses, and this book is dedicated to:

Every brave parent who has lost a child in a car crash.

Every brave child who has lost a parent in a car crash.

Every brave child who has lost a brother or sister in a car crash.

Every brave grandparent who has lost a grandchild in a car crash.

Every brave grandchild who has lost a grandparent in a car crash.

Every brave partner who has lost their true love in a car crash.

Every brave friend who has lost a friend in a car crash.

Foreword By Mandy Del Vecchio

W hether it was smashing out a Metallica song on the piano, a competitive game of tennis, spending time with her horses, stringing together some ridiculous dance choreography or relaying a wicked story, Carmen was always ALL IN . She never did anything half-heartedly; her lust for life was bloody grand.

In friendship, she was just the same. All in, for all time. Carmens friendship could make you feel like a celebrity. God, she was a rare gem. You only realise how rare as you get older and not all friends are that brilliant.

It wasnt ever hard to talk to Carmen either. She was subtly generous in conversation, getting right behind whatever you threw at her. A refined skill in adults, but for a teenager, just a beautiful, kind trait.

She was big! Big movements, always. Though delicately small in stature, when Carmen entered a room, it was huge every time. 99% of the time it was happiness driving her wild waves, but youd equally know if she was upset by something. But honestly, that wasnt often enough to even remember. She was hilarious too and could bring on whole-body-shaking laughs. I loved her so much.

On the morning of 18 November 1995, I woke early, hungover, and joyous after my year 12 formal celebrations the night prior. At 8:30 am-ish the telephone on the wall started screaming through the peaceful morning. I dragged myself out of my crusty teenage cocoon to answer it. It was Carmens sister Jasmine. She sounded like she was giggling so much she couldnt speak, and then she handed the phone to someone else. How fun, I thought. Theyre up too! I cant wait to share my night with Carmen.

Mandy, Carmens dead.

I dont even remember who it was that said that. The voice and even the phone were no longer present in the scene. Suddenly I was alone inside my own silent scream.

Everything stopped. All sound escaped the room, my mind.

I dropped to the ground. My whole body shook, and I couldnt feel a thing, like the whole wonderful world that was turning so carefree minutes earlier had literally caved in below my feet, only leaving a black hole for me to float in.

And, so early into my short life, it had.

Losing a friend like Carmen was devastating. It left me lost at an unfairly young age.

We were 18 when Carmen died. I, only a few weeks into adulthood , and she, a few monthswhich also meant Carmen had been already driving for a few months before me too. Carmen paved the way for a lot of our friendship group when it came to drivingand she was a bloody good driver. Carmen had her own car as soon as she got her Ps and claimed instant independence. It was enviable.

I got my probationary drivers licence just days prior to 18 November. Id driven less than a handful of times before Carmens death; I think Mum had let me borrow her car to zip up to Woolies for snacks twice that week.

I didnt drive again for about a year.

Carmens death shaped me. And probably the strongest way it shaped me was as a driver.

The thing is, when you know the ultimate price for little driving mistakes so early on, you dont dare take any risks. Every risk meant death. You cant ever un-know that.