Jeff Nimoy - The Cooking Caveman: How to Lose Weight, Eat Healthy, Create Mouthwatering Paleo Recipes, and Piss Off All Your Friends!

Thanks to Matt Schwartz, Richard Nikoley, the Sonenshine family, Julie Arie, David Katzner, Nick Holly, the Palermo family, Mike & Melissa, the Fahn family, Lisa Lillien, Brad and Seana, the Barrial family, the Weaver family, the Kuipers family, the Fabian family, Melanie Fox, Lori Alboher Walters, the Fairlee family, Shari Leibowitz Fruhling, Anita Colangelo, Jessica Baker, Susanna Italiano, Team HyperInk, and all my Facebook friends who encouraged me to write a blog!

A special thank you to Stacie Orell, who copyedited this book for me!

But a very special thanks to the tens of thousands of blog readers who loyally became the Caveman Minions!

Jeff Nimoy is not a medical doctor or a trained nutritionist. Please check with your doctor before going on any diet that is substantially different from what you are already eating. Please do not rely on anything in this book for the purposes of nutritional or medical advice.

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Did you know that cavemen didnt have cancer? They didnt have heart disease either. Nor did they have diabetes. They didnt even have tooth decay! Yeah, I didnt know that shit either. My first question was, How do they know? But they know. This isnt a book about archeology or anthropology, so youll have to look up that research on your own, you lazy bastards. This is a book on how what many people perceive to be a fad diet transformed me into a healthy, skinny, ripped human machine, without much exercise at all. Too good to be true, you ask? Whats this jerk-wad trying to sell me? What do I have to do, read his book, and then buy the diet plan (sold separately) to get his secret? What a rip-off artist! Nope, nothing to buy (except this book, you cheap bastards) because I found the diet all by myself on the Internet, free of charge! There are several books out there on the Caveman Diet, also known as the Paleo Diet, but its so simple (a caveman could do it), and theres so much info out there, I think those books are a rip-off. Now my next cookbook, thats a different story altogether! Get those credit cards ready, you fat bastards, Ive already started on my second book!

Youre about to read how I, a lowly Emmy Award - winning writer/producer/voice actor/director , accidentally stumbled upon the C aveman D iet, and how it transformed my body, my mind, and my spirit, and in doing so alienated me from almost everyone! It limited the ingredients I could eat yet sparked my creativity and made me into a pretty amazing cook, if I do say so myself ( cause I certainly wasnt when I started).

Ill get into the reasons why in the book, but for now let me tell you what the C aveman D iet forbids:

• Salt
• Sugar
• Potatoes
• Grains of any kind (including wheat, rice, and corn, and all the products they entail, like bread, pasta, etc)
• Legumes (including all beans, as well as peanuts, which are NOT nuts, but legumes)
• Dairy
• ALL processed foods
• ALL non-organic foods

Pretty militant, huh? Did I lose you yet? Because I can hear you asking, Whats left to eat?! Well, theres tons left, plus tons more you can create using the ingredients allowed.

But Jeff, why would I want to eliminate all those tasty things from my diet! I want to enjoy food, not live a bland existence!

Check you out, fancy pants. You should eliminate all that crap from your diet because theyre filled with chemicals and toxins and will make you sick! And you dont even realize it until the curtain is pulled back on the food industry as well as the medical industry. Now dont go calling me a conspiracy theorist, Im just finally eating with my eyes open, and youll see what Im talking about if you havent already returned this book. Trust me, even though I wasnt allowed to eat all those forbidden foods, I still indulged, and I mean INDULGED, on Paleo versions of spaghetti & meatballs, apple pie, Thai spicy noodles, and coconut curry chicken over rice, among many other dishes, all incredibly healthy and delicious, and not a single chemical, toxin, grain, or drop of salt in the entire batch. And everything is gluten- and dairy - free! People beg me to cook for them now, whereas they used to scratch their heads when they heard I made my own ketchup.

Healthy eating and dieting does not mean deprivation. I promise you, if I c an do this, anyone can do this. It just takes a commitment to change for the better. I am in the best shape of my life, rarely exercise, and I eat LIKE A KING! If you want a body like mine, keep reading!

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I wasnt always a caveman. I used to be a modern man, also known as a fat bastard. Since in a way this is a book about evolution, lets start at the beginning. I was not breast-fed. I dont know why, but its too bad, because experts will tell you being breast-fed is the healthiest way to start life. Instead I was given milk and meat - based formula. Now, cow milk is ideal for the development of calves, but for humans, not so good. Human breast milk is rich in omega-3 fat, which they now know is the key to a healthy life. It helps in brain development, which is why cows milk, low in omega-3, helps a cow develop a much lesser brain than a human.

I was never lactose intolerant or had celiac disease, which is a gluten intolerance (gluten is the protein found in wheat), but my oldest sister had it, among many other digestive problems. Me, I was proud to have a cast iron stomach (still do). Growing up in Brooklyn, New York, I indulged at will on my g randmothers Jewish cooking and Brooklyn favorites like pizza, hot dogs, bagels, knishes, etc. It never occurred to me that if I kept eating the way I did that one day I would start to look like the old farts all around me, bloated and constantly sick.

Then I became a teenager. Acne came into my life in a very rude and uninvited way. It settled in on my face, chest, and back, and wasnt in a hurry to go away. Again, it never occurred to me that what I was eating so joyously might have been the very cause of my acne agony. In fact, I wouldnt realize this for another 30 years! If only I had found the P aleo diet as a teenager I could have gotten laid so much more at an early age. People would have started calling me The Fonz, and I wouldve approached life with the confidence of Sean Connery! Unfortunately, my constant worry about what people thought of my teenage acne led me to approach life with the confidence of Woody Allen.

But I was still pretty skinny. Until I turned 27, and my weight suddenly ballooned. Id look in the mirror and my fat bastard father would stare back at me! How the hell did he get in my mirror?! I combated the problem by growing a beard, but the weight issues persisted.

Life brought on stress (as it does with all of us), and stress led to stress eating. I ate out of boredom or worry, not because I was hungry. I tried every diet known to mankind, including the master cleanse and the fruit and rice diet. But still, the temptation of pizza was never far away, and my slight 5 foot 7 inch frame ballooned to a whopping 190 pounds.

Finally, I started the Atkins TM Diet and my body responded. I dropped about 20 pounds, and got very good at creating low-carb substitutions for higher-carb classics. Mostly though, I just searched the grocery aisles high and wide for low-carb diet products. I got so good at it that I even thought about opening a restaurant called The Low Carb Caf with my sister. And then l ow- c arb became even easier with the invention of Splenda, a sugar substitute that actually tasted like sugar! I became addicted to products like Coke Zero and sugar-free non-dairy hazelnut flavored creamer for my coffee!