Jenn Budd - Against the Wall: My Journey from Border Patrol Agent to Immigrant Rights Activist

Praise for AGAINST THE WALL

This courageous and compelling book by a Border Patrol agent-turned immigration-activist is essential reading to understand how todays heartless and abusive Border Patrol culture came into being and what needs to be done to transform immigration policy in America.

Ruth Ben-Ghiat, author of Strongmen: Mussolini to the Present

With painstaking honesty and the sharp eye of a natural storyteller, Jenn Budd chronicles her journey from oppressor to activist. She investigates and condemns the agency she once was proud to be a part of while simultaneously exploring her own complicity. As a woman in a heavily male-dominated law enforcement agency, a daughter of an alcoholic, a gay woman in a misogynistic, racist, and homophobic environment, she was determined to fit in, even at the expense of her own moral compass and mental health, ultimately numbed by the sexual violence and physical harm perpetrated on her by male colleagues. Jenns story, so deftly told, is a powerful testament to the importance of confronting both our own personal demons and our countrys corrupt systems of power. This beautifully written book at its heart is about atonement and the unwavering advocacy that can grow from self-forgiveness.

Barbara Feinman Todd, author of Pretend I m Not Here and founding journalism director at Georgetown University

This book is a must-read for anyone who is interested in a first-hand account of how immigration enforcement plays out at the U.S.-Mexico border. Through this poignantly written book, Jenn succeeds in not only sharing and humanizing the face of childhood and adult trauma, but deftly connects these tragic incidents to the societal harms and trauma imposed on border and immigrant communities as the result of problematic national policies and politics. Jenn, who as a former Border Patrol agent witnessed corruption at our nations largest law enforcement agency and who personally experienced sexism and abuse, illustrates why this agency, which regularly violates basic rights with impunity, needs to be brought under control.

Vicki B. Gaubeca, a long-time human rights advocate and current director of the Southern Border Communities Coalition

As Americans, we invest so much power and responsibility in our law enforcement officers. When that power is abused, its our responsibility to stand up and speak out about itand Jenn Budd does that so courageously in this compelling book. Please read it. Please internalize it. And please join Jenn in her incredible activism to make sure the abuses of power stop now and never happen again.

Alyssa Milano, activist-actress-author of Sorry Not Sorry

Copyright 2022 Jenn Budd

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by an information storage or retrieval system now known or hereafter inventedexcept by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a magazine or newspaperwithout permission in writing from the publisher.

Heliotrope Books LLC

ISBN 978-1-942762-92-8 eBook

ISBN 978-1-942762-93-5 paperback

Cover photo by John Kurc
Interior photos courtesy of Jenn Budd and John Kurc

Typeset by Naomi Rosenblatt with AJ&J Design

For my wife, Sandi.

For all of those seeking safety.

Contents

I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.

Elie Wiesel, Nobel Prize acceptance speech,

December 10, 1986

FOREWORD

As a former Senior Patrol agent w/USBP who finally found the right time to stand up & say enough, NOW IS THE TIME TO SAY NO MORE! DHS asylum officers must refuse, resign, strike, whatever. You cannot obey an order that violates non-refoulement and endangers these families again.

I first encountered Jenn Budd on Twitter.

As a journalist who disclosed my undocumented immigrant status publicly in the New York Times , my timeline does not lack for people calling out the cruelties of Americas immigration system.

But here was a former United States Border Patrol agent doing soa white, Southern, gay woman, no lessher voice clear and uncompromising.

Define American, the nonprofit organization I founded that uses the power of narrative to humanize conversations about immigrants, reached out to Jenn about possibly working together. We called, and she responded above and beyond, signing on to be an ambassador for ustraveling to El Paso, Texas, to protest inhumane detention centers with our staff and leading a workshop on criminalization of communities/narratives for undocumented college students at a Define American event, among other things. Our collaboration led her to publish an op-ed in USA Today on anti-immigrant groups feeding Border Patrol agents misleading and false information. She writes: Mr. President, the hatred of the [2019] El Paso shooting didnt come from our city. The Border Patrol union representatives began appearing at these [anti-immigrant] groups conventions and meetings after the 9/11 attacks. The groups praised them, asked them to speak and called the agents heroes. Those reps then took the racist talking points and shared them with the entire Border Patrol via their union website. Today, the union has removed the links because they do not want people to know they are associated with these racist organizations.

Voices of American citizen alliesfrom various racial and ethnic backgrounds, scattered all across the countryare largely missing when we talk about immigration reform, possibly out of fear of eclipsing those directly impacted. But theirs are also necessary voices that politicians need to hear in order to come up with fair, common-sense, and humane solutions to our shared immigration problem. The uncomfortable but necessary truth is, there are no movements without allies.

Being an ally, however, cant just be a symbolic stand in solidarity with immigrants. Its more than just overlaying a rainbow on an avatar or posting a black square on Instagram. Allyship is about taking actions that make the fight for equality a little bit easier. To be a good ally, you have to be active. Allyship is futile if no one knows about it.

Its okay if you dont know much about immigration. (Jenn didnt until working for Border Patrol, and her memoir will help educate you on the issue.) What counts is presence: consistent, forceful, effective presence. Allyship forces you to look outside of yourself, to claim your rightful place with dignity while realizing that youre not the only person in the room. You never are. You never will be. Through her years-long activismand now, through this daring and soulful bookJenn models true allyship, inspiring her readers to examine what being an ally means. Nothing about her is performative, and she doesnt sacrifice the truth for an allegiance to any specific agenda, criticizing the Trump administrations horrendous immigration policies, for example, but then also holding the Biden administration accountable for the promises it made. Her firm and fearless voice, informed by her insider expertise and personal LGBTQ+ experience, is invaluable. Her perspective on the U.S. Border Patrol is unprecedented.