Anna David - True Tales of Lust and Love

True Tales

of

Lust & Love

True Tales

of

Lust & Love

EDITED BY

ANNA DAVID

Soft Skull Press

an imprint of Counterpoint

Copyright 2014 Anna David

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Rock Bottom by Cindy Chupack originally appeared in Between Boyfriends 2003 by Cindy Chupack. Reprinted by permission of St. Martins Press. All rights reserved. The Clown by Sara Barron originally appeared in People Are Unappealing: True Stories of Our Collective Capacity to Irritate and Annoy by Sara Barron, copyright 2009 by Sara Barron. Used by permission of Three Rivers Press, a division of Random House, Inc. Any third party use of this material, outside of this publication, is prohibited. Interested parties must apply directly to Random House, Inc. for permission. A version of My Boyfriend, Jesus by Diana Spechler originally appeared on the website The Weeklings. The Ethical Slut by Chloe Caldwell originally appeared on the website The Faster Times. A version of Screensavers by Meghan Daum originally appeared in Prospect Magazine. My Lesbian Love Letter From Prison by Jill Morley originally appeared in Fresh Yarn. Teenage Dream by Emma Straub originally appeared in Tin House. Jammin Java Joe by Sacha Scoblic was adapted from Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety by Sacha Z. Scoblic 2011. Kensington Publishing Corp. The Accidental Groupie by Taylor Orci originally appeared on The Hairpin.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-61902-368-0

Cover design by Jen Heuer

Interior design by Sabrina Plomitallo-Gonzlez,

Neuwirth & Associates

Soft Skull Press

An Imprint of COUNTERPOINT

1919 Fifth Street

Berkeley, CA 94710

www.softskull.com

Distributed by Publishers Group West

1 09 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For the men who inspired these tales,
and the women who could grow from them

Table of Contents

Laura Krafft

Alison Agosti

Sacha Z. Scoblic

Amy Dresner

Taylor Orci

Claire Titelman

Janie Haddad Tompkins

Pamela Ribon

Cindy Chupack

Sara Benincasa

Anna Davies

Sara Barron

Chellis Ying

Diana Spechler

Samantha Dunn

Chloe Caldwell

Vanessa Marshall

Rachel Shukert

Meghan Daum

Jillian Lauren

Jill Morley

Anna David

Emma Straub

Fielding Edlow

Iris Smyles

Laura House

True Tales

of

Lust & Love

A fewpossibly too manyyears ago, I cowrote a popular relationship book for women called Hes Just Not That Into You. When people asked me why Ia TV writer and comedianfelt I had the right to write about relationships, and specifically about how women should handle their affairs with disinterested men, my answer was always the same.

Because I like women, I would say. I mean, I love them, too, but first and foremost, I really, really like them.

As a young dude, I would always think, during BB gun wars with my friends, Why arent we where the girls are? Not that recreating Vietnam in Ken Flaxs backyard wasnt a blastit was, I swearbut in the back of my mind, or sometimes even in the front, a recurring thought would be there. And it would be something along the lines of: Seriously dudes, this is bullshit.

I always loved being in the company of girls, not just because they were awesome to look at and smelled like candy but because I loved listening to them talk, crack uphell, I even liked to watch them eat. I loved trying to figure out everything I could about them. I was genuinely fascinated by what made them giggle and what made them sad, why they liked certain boys and not others, what their lives were like and if they ever thought about me. The point is that, for my money, you can do no better than to be in the unguarded company of womenwhether youre a woman or a man.

That is the intrinsic beauty of this book. It allows you to hang out with a group of smart, funny, dirty, vulnerable, independent, neurotic, capable, and adventurous women. The fact that all of them have opened their hearts and lives to the rest of us feels like a gifta reward for all that hard work I put into those BB gun wars of my youth. And so I say this awesome collection of personal essays should be essential reading for all women trying to navigate the murky waters of lust and loveand for any man hoping to swim alongside them.

Okay, time for the man to shut up and let the women talk.

Greg Behrendt,

coauthor of Hes Just Not That Into You

T o say that the storytelling show I put on every month in L.A. inspired this book would be like saying that chocolate inspired my love for candy. Nearly all of the stories collected here have been told at the live show, with only essays by a few of my favorite non-L.A.-dwelling writers rounding out the packwhich is to say that all of these essays would have been told at the show had some of those who penned them not been three thousand or so miles away. It is also to say that I consider chocolate a necessity after every mealincluding breakfast.

I didnt mean to create a storytelling show. I had barely ever even been to a storytelling show. But in October of 2011, when my memoir, Falling for Me, was published, after Id done just one reading at a local bookstore in L.A., the publicist I was working with told me that she couldnt get me any more bookstore readings. In L.A., she explained, there are so many celebrities with books coming out that the major bookstores pretty much wanted to book just them.

I did not take this news well.

I had spent years living my life, then several more years writing about living my life, so one measly reading in the city I loved and lived in would not suffice.

Then I had a new thought: even when you do manage to land a reading at a bookstore, its tough to get people to show up. As someone who doesnt always want to go to other peoples readings, I understand this: who wants to battle rush hour to sit and listen to a friend read aloud a book that may well be dull? Anyone whos ever been taken hostage at a reading by an enthusiastic author who goes on for an hour straight knows this can be a high-risk activity. And then theres the fact that, as a friend and supporter, you feel all this pressure to spend the $24.95 or whatever it is buying the booka pressure that I can assure you is real because we, the authors, are putting it on you. And we are putting it on you because we feel, whether its true or not, that our book publishers are putting it on us. In other words, sure, its great that you showed up but we really, really want you to buy the book.