Lauren Urasek - Popular: True Tales of Online Dating from the Most Wanted Woman in New York City

Popular

LAUREN URASEK WITH LAURA BARCELLA

True tales of online dating from the most popular girl in New York City

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Text copyright 2015 by Lauren Urasek

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For all the girls who know.

I, Lauren Urasek, (pronounced YER-AY-SICK) am NYCs most popular woman on OKCupid. When this title was given to me in January 2014, I was receiving, on average, more than thirty-five messages a day.

In just a few months alone, I received more than fifteen thousand four- and five-star ratings.

I rejoined OKCupid in January of 2014 after getting out of a short relationship that had initially started on the website. I quickly realized this second go-around might be a little different from the first. After only being back on the site for a few weeks, I was contacted by New York magazine. They told me I was the most messaged straight woman on the site citywide, and they wanted to write an article about it.

Im a technology- and science-enthusiast-turned-makeup-artist in my twenties who spends my time studying astronomy, watching hockey, drinking whiskey, and working quite a lot. Ive never claimed to be the hottest piece of ass out there, and having grown up as an ugly duckling, all my newfound attention came as a surprise.

Its flattering to receive the number of messages I did, but when it comes down to it, its not the amount you receive, but the quality. Ive gotten every type of message, ranging from Hi, How are you? to My dick is hard with Satans rage for your face. I actually deleted my initial OKC profile several days before I was contacted to be interviewed for the New York article. I made a new one in an attempt to lose some of the weird creepos who would message me day after day even though I did not respond.

Despite receiving gross missives like, Sup freakshow? Wanna trade some naughty pics? I still had hope that I could meet a great guy on the site. I havent had much luck meeting guys while out and about in New York City; Ive been told Im intimidating and not that approachable. Maybe its the tattoos and blunt haircut or the fact that my guard is always up. Its hard for me to even make eye contact with a stranger that I find attractive (something Im working on). Still, in the age of the Internet, a lot of the guys Ive come across seem to have very limited social skills. A lot of the men in this city are more concerned with their facial hair, freelance gigs, and selection of females than with forming a genuine relationship with one girl.

I met my last boyfriend on OKCupid, though, which gave me faith that I could do it again. But I am extremely selective about who I go on dates with, let alone message back. In the past three months, Ive gone on less than five dates. The men I actually went out with didnt send any profoundly amazing messages (if those even exist). It comes down to Am I attracted to him? and Do we have things in common? If a guys photos dont look like theyre from 2001, we agree that religion is ridiculous, and he knows the difference between your and youre, theres a good chance Ill respond. Seems simple enough, but in reality those few requirements dont leave me with a very large dating pool.

Out of the dates I have gone on, Ive met guys that tried to kiss me within ten minutes of meeting me, told me about their background in porn, and propositioned me with monetary offers for sex. There was also the guy that treated me like a prospective employee for his very own imaginary company of love. Instead of just having a normal, naturally flowing conversation, he launched into a manic Q&A session, telling me, OK, lets play a game. You ask a question, then I ask a question. He started telling me about plans for children and the amazing house he had just bought, which would perfectly suit me if I decided to move in. When I realized we were on very different pages, I politely excused myselfbut not before he desperately asked me what was wrong with him.

Then there was the time I thought the date was going rather well... until the dreamy, intelligent man in question decided to chug five glasses of whiskey in half an hour, leaving me with a really drunk dude who couldnt stop hurling into trash cans.

Its no secret that men in NYC have more dating options than women do, and they tend to avoid settling down until theyre on their deathbeds. So its hard determining whos genuine and whos not. Internet dating is exhausting and not very fun in the beginning stages. It can feel super-impersonal when youre comparing thousands of usernames and profile pictures, and trust me, the free oysters and bottomless glasses of bourbon arent worth it.

Not every man Ive chatted with has been skeezy or untruthful, though. There are also the guys I would have happily gone on a second or third date with who werent interested in going on another date with me. Not even the most-messaged girl on OKCupid is immune to rejection.

Ive been asked plenty of times why Im the most-messaged girl. I dont know the answer to this. And Ive received plenty of criticism for even trying to answer this question. If I said it was just my looks, I was bashed by trolls calling me fat and ugly or by people who called me a stuck-up, narcissistic bitch. If I said it was brains, I was called ignorant and stupid because of course its not brains, its looks.

Heres my best attempt at an answer: It could be the tattoos, blue eyes, and correct spelling on my profile, or the fact that I dont write generic things like Im living my life to the fullest and I love long walks on the beach! It could be that looking for a man isnt the most important thing going on in my life. (I think its a problem when it is.) Im confident and secure in who I am without having a partner. I have a strong opinion and know what I want. Maybe dudes like that? Or maybe they just have a fantasy of fucking a girl with tons of tattoos? I dont know. Whatever the reason, Im not going to lie, its pretty nice having my pick of the litter now, since I never did growing up. But still, attention from one thousand men doesnt compare in the slightest to getting attention from one man who really matters.

Reflecting on all the craziness of the past year, I feel lucky and enlightenedin both positive and not-so-positive ways. Lucky because I know a lot of women who receive the same amount of attention I do online, yet on the particular week