Rachel Gibson - Sex, Lies, And Online Dating

The first book in the Sex, Lies, and Online Dating series, 2006

From: Lucy@mysterious.com

To: clare@finis.com; adele@biteme.com;

maddie@crimepays.com

Subject: singles.com date

Hey all,

Tonight is my last Internet coffee date. His name is hardluvnman. I pray he has his teeth.

Wish me luck,

Lucy

From: clare@finis.com

To: Lucy@mysterious.com; adele@biteme.com; maddie@crimepays.com

Lucy,

Good luck with your research. Hopefully he has his own teeth and own hair and remembers to brush both.

Clare

From: adele@biteme.com

To: Lucy@mysterious.com; clare@finis.com; maddie@crimepays.com

Looking forward to hearing all about Lucys hardluvnman.

Adele

P.S. What kind of guy calls himself hardluvnman? Is he compensating for something?

From: maddie@crimepays.com

To: adele@biteme.com; Lucy@mysterious.com; clare@finis.com

Lucy,

For Gods sakes dont do it. Serial killers lurk on those online dating sites. Its like shooting fish in a barrel for them. Next thing you know, some guy is wearing your head for a hat.

Love,

Maddie

Mystrygrl: Seeks Man for Mystery

Lucy Rothschild pulled her BMW into the parking slot closest to the Starbucks entrance and shoved the vehicle into park. Rain pounded the hood of her car and bounced off the asphalt as she turned off the Beemer. Her gaze slid to the front of the strip mall and sought the green-and-white Starbucks sign next to the golden glare of Blockbuster Video. Light from within the coffee shop poured out onto the wet sidewalk, while the raindrops slipping down Lucys window smeared vivid color and inky shadows like an abstract painting.

Next thing you know, some guy is wearing your head for a hat. Lucy turned off the car and shoved her keys in the pocket of her navy blue Ralph Lauren blazer. She hated when Maddie said things like that. When she made everyone else as paranoid and freaky as she was. Maddie interviewed psychopaths for a living, but that didnt mean all men were child molesters, rapists, or serial killers. Lucy wrote about murder too, but she wrote fiction and was able to separate what she wrote from real life. Maddie seemed to have trouble with that.

Lucy grabbed her umbrella from the passenger seat and opened her car door. It wasnt as if she was going to set up a second meeting with hardluvnman or was even going to leave Starbucks with him. It wasnt even as if she was taking this coffee date any more seriously than shed taken the others shed had during the past few months.

She hit the button on her umbrella with her thumb, and the red canopy opened as she stepped from the car. Like the other dates, tonight was about work. She had her small notepad and pen in her pocket, right next to her little can of mace. Shed brought the pen and paper in case she needed to write down interesting tidbits about hardluvnman after he left. Shed brought the mace in case he wanted to wear her head for a hat.

Damn that Maddie.

Lucy paused briefly to shut the door behind her, then moved across the parking lot, dodging puddles on her way. Unless hardluvnman was different, she wouldnt even use the pen and paper. Unless he was different from the others, while they waited in line for coffee hed give her the slow up and down, as if she were an Airedale at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. If she passed inspection, hed pay for her triple grande skinny latte (hold the whip, please), ask her what she did for a living (although shed clearly lied on her bio, stating she was a nurse), then proceed to talk about himself (what a great guy he was) and his former wife/girlfriend (and what a dumb bee-yatch she was). If Lucy didnt pass the slow up and down, shed pay for her own coffee. Which had only happened to her once.

Bigdaddy182 had been a real cheap bastard with a silver tooth and a neck-hair ponytail. Hed taken one look at her and said, Youre skinny, as if that had been a bigger abomination than his beer belly. Shed bought her own coffee, then proceeded to listen to him talk about himself for the next hour. While hed rambled on about his run to Sturgis and his bitch of an ex-wife, Lucy had thought about different ways to kill him off. Bad, heinous ways. In the end, shed known shed have to stick to her female serial killers MO, but erotic asphyxiation had seemed too good a way for him to die.

Two steps from the sidewalk, Lucy planted her foot in a puddle. Shed almost made it. Cold water rushed over the toe of her black ankle boot and splashed the bottom of her black jeans.

Crap-ola! she said and stepped up on the curb. She opened the door to Starbucks and moved inside. The smell of rich, dark coffee filled her head, and the low steady hum of voices coalesced with the sound of the coffee grinder and espresso machine. No matter what city Lucy might travel to, Starbucks always looked and smelled the same. Kind of like Barnes and Noble or Borders. There was some comfort in that.

Lucy closed her umbrella, and her gaze took in the gold walls and the patrons sitting at brown tables and hard wooden chairs. No man in a red baseball hat. Hardluvnman was late.

Lucy shoved her umbrella in the stand by the door and moved to the counter. When hed e-mailed her and asked her to meet him, hed written that his real name was Quinn. Lucy preferred to think of him as hardluvnman. She didnt want to think of him or any of these dates as real people. It was easier to kill them off that way.

She ordered her latte, sans whip, then took a seat at a small round table in the corner. She unbuttoned her blazer and smoothed the collar of her navy blue turtleneck.

She supposed it was a sad commentary on her love life that the only dates shed had lately hadnt even been real dates at all. The only reason she was subjecting herself to men like bigdaddy182 was that she needed research for her new mystery novel, dead.com.

Lucy raised the latte to her lips and took a cautious sip. She only needed one last victim for her book. Even if hardluvnman turned out to be a decent guy who didnt need to die, Lucy was done with Internet coffee dates. Shed had enough of men who acted like it was her job to pursue them. Like she had to convince them to ask her out again. If this last date didnt prove fortuitous, shed figure something else out. Like taking all the lying, cheating, needy characteristics of all her former boyfriends and roll them into one. But shed done that before, and she was afraid her readers might catch on to the fact that the victims in all her books were starting to resemble the same recycled losers.

No, it was time for new losers. Shed agreed to meet hardluvnman, as opposed to some of the other candidates, for several intriguing reasons. First, his photo on the dating site was so grainy that it was hard to determine what he actually looked like. It just gave an overall impression of a dark, intense broodiness that she found a little mysterious. Second, in his bio he stated he was a plumber who owned his own business. Which could be a lie but was probably the truth because, really, why would anyone lie about being a plumber? Third, instead of falling into the thirty-five-to-forty-year-old-never-been-married-or-divorced categories, hardluvnman had stated that he was a widower. Which could be the truth or a sleazy way to score sympathy points and trick women into bed. If the latter turned out to be the case, Lucy had her last victim. Voil !