Amy Goldschlager - Online Dating: The How-To Guide

Author Profile:

Amy Goldschlager - Amy Goldschlager is a NYC-based editor, writer, and book/audiobook reviewer. Her undergraduate thesis was about social interaction on the Internet; since this was in the early 1990s, she had a hard time convincing anyone that it was an important topic. Obviously, the rest of the world eventually caught up. Ms. Goldschlager has worked for several major publishers, including Penguin and Scholastic. She has also written for Publishers Weekly, Kirkus, and AudioFile magazine, as well as the sites finding Dulcinea and ComicMix.

Web Links:

• Author Website
• Kissburg.com

Online Dating: The How-To Guide
by Amy Goldschlager

In this handy Vook, youll step through the online dating process from profile setup to post-date strategy on a smarter quest for Mr. Right. First youll get an online dating overview to help you understand the lay of the land. Then youll explore how to choose the right dating site for you based on your needs and desires, how to build your profile to attract the kind of guy youre seeking, and how to decode the other profiles youre seeing online. Youll learn what red flags to look out for, including how to avoid the 1/3 of online daters who may actually be married or in a relationship. Youll also get prepped for first dates, including safety tips and how to go about following up with guys based on how things went.

Copyright 2011 Vook, Inc.
Compilation copyright 2011 Vook, Inc.
Vook is a registered trademark of Vook, Inc.

Chapter 1

A ccording to the popular website Match.com, 20 percent of all relationships begin online. That may not be entirely accurate, but its true that finding love online has lost its stigma. In years past, dozens of letters poured into advice columns from the newly engaged, wondering how to conceal a relationships online origin. Today, the fact is proudly trumpeted in wedding announcements.

Lets face it: finding compatible dates isnt easy. Back when you were in college, you were thrown together with platoons of like-minded people. Now, youre older, your partying is limited, your friends are running out of eligible matches for you, and looking for love in the office is a minefield. Sure, you could join some community groups or take up a hobby, but revealing your single status in those situations is awkward, and theres still no guarantee youll find anyone there whos right for you. And do you seriously think youre going to find The One sitting on a bar stool or strutting across a crowded dance floor?

Online dating, if nothing else, is honest: youre all there because youre looking for companionship. You lay out clearly who you are and what you want in a partner. Then, you make it possible for the right person to find you. At the same time, you engage in a directed search for that special someone. Both of these aspectsmaking yourself findable by appropriate parties and being able to find what you wantepitomize the benefits of the Internet. Theres a wealth potential Mr. and Ms. Rights are out there, if you know where and how to look.

• Which dating sites have mates compatible with my personal and professional background?
• Are you willing to pay to access the sites premium features?
• How do you present yourself in a way thats honest and yet puts yourself in the best possible light?
• What do you really want in a partner? Are your desires realistic?
• Can you describe what youre looking for in a way that makes sense to other people?
• What are your dating deal breakers?
• Do you know how to find the truth in a prospective dates online profile?
• How do you get from finding a match to starting an online conversation, and from there, to a date?
• Do you know how to keep yourself safe when making a date with a complete stranger?

Its a long list, but once you get the ball in motion, online dating can be easy, rewarding, and even fun. In the following chapters, well go over how to execute your plan.

Chapter 2

Y ou can hardly turn on your TV without encountering a commercial for an online dating site like Match.com or eHarmony. Big sites who can afford advertising dollars will have a large number of subscribers, and if youre open to dating people from a wide variety of backgrounds, that may be just what you need. On the other hand, if your needs are more specific, a large site is less helpful: a large pool of potential fish is useless if youd rather not swim with any of them. Full participation on many dating sites usually requires a paid subscription, so shop wisely and consider these points before taking out your credit card.

• If youd prefer to date within a single religion or ethnic background, pick a dating site that targets that population.
• Most large dating sites will allow you to make gay or straight matches; however, a gay-only site may offer you more assistance in tailoring your search for that special someone of the same sex.
• There are also dating sites that service particular interest groups or personality types. For example, if your comic book collection and SCA membership are important to you, consider Soulgeek. www.soulgeek.com
• There are free dating sites for the cash-strapped, but they tend to have fewer bells and whistles than the pay sites.
• Most pay sites have at least some free options; typically, you can post profiles for free and respond to e-mails sent by paid members. However, if you want to send the first e-mails, have better profile placement, join chat rooms, and get access to live singles events, youll have to pay.

Chapter 3

S ince you dont have an online wingman to put in a good word for you with your prospective dates, its all down to first impressions. Youve got to catch their eye the first time around, or they wont click on your contact info. Therefore, its crucial that you put your best foot forward with your dating site profile.

• Do not incorporate your complete last name into your login, particularly if it is distinctive. Gain control over what you choose to reveal by making it tough to locate you on Google.
• Incorporating your first name (unless its so unusual it makes your Googleable) in your profile is fine. In fact, it might be best, because it gives your dates a sensible thing to call you.
• Avoid cutesy login names; they make you seem immature. (Trust me, calling yourself hotstud57 is not going to get you more dates.) If theres a particular interest or aspect of your personality youd like to highlight, save it for the profile.