Patrick King - Did She Reply Yet? The Gentlemans Guide to Owning Online Dating
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Did She Reply Yet? The Gentlemans Guide to Owning Online Dating (OkCupid & Match Edition)
By Patrick King
Dating and Social Skills Coach at www.PatrickKingConsulting.com
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Table of Contents
Hello, and thanks for buying this book. My name is Patrick King, and Im a dating and image coach. Unsurprisingly, these days much of my work pertains to how to adapt and take advantage of the new dating tech and human introduction systems that seem to be replacing many of our traditional methods. Its time to recognize, embrace, and own it.
Are you a fun-loving, laid-back, chill, and funny guy who loves traveling and hiking? Perhaps sarcasm is one of your greatest talents, and you are obsessed with Game of Thrones? Maybe youre the type of guy who loves to go out with friends, but also enjoys just staying in and watching Netflix? It is possible that you constantly think about food, or love photography and rock climbing? Hey, do you sometimes wish you had more time to meet people in real life? Are you looking for a relaxed person who makes you laugh?
Uh oh, did I just describe your profile in a nutshell? Fear not. Writing in remarkably undescriptive generalities is a common disease and Im your Doctor Phil. Ill show you how to eliminate the boring from your entire online dating presence and own online dating all while being your genuine self. Youd ask an experienced friend when you should a text a woman or where to take her on a date. Why should things be different here? Let me show you how to hack, tweak, and optimize your online dating experience and get the most out of it.
This book is for anyone at any point on the spectrum, whether considering expanding your horizons by exploring online dating, or a grizzled online dating veteran looking to take their game to the next level.
My goals are simple: to teach you overwhelming success at online dating. For our purposes, this includes the following:
- Creating an attractive, complete package online dating profile that attracts visitors, captures their attention, and makes her message you .
- Writing messages that simply beg a response.
- Converting online interactions into highly anticipated dates.
This whole process is entirely painless and can be done in minutes. Youll smack yourself in the face once you realize what youve been doing wrong, and just how easy it is to succeed. Youll (re)discover what makes you great. The immediate and future payoffs will be immense. You are literally pages away from all the dates you can handle from online dating.
In this chapter, well examine the psychology behind online dating that sets the context for the methods in this book.
Lets get this out of the way immediately. There is absolutely NO stigma attached to online dating anymore. There are so many low-investment options such as Tinder, Down, and Coffee Meets Bagel that youd be hard-pressed to find someone that hasnt dabbled in one of them.
So why do some people still refuse to try? The true reason is actually very simple: ego. Lets unpack this.
People naturally dont like rejection or failure. Not participating in something is a convenient excuse that allows them to avoid failure and preserve their self-esteem. Taking a proactive step simply opens you up to failure, where passivity leads to no possibility of failure. We see this in all other aspects of life, so it shouldnt be surprising to rear its ugly head in dating.
Example: Nah, Im not going to try out for the basketball team. Im too busy to practice every day. No effort, convenient excuse, no rejection, self-esteem stays intact.
Example : Nah, Im not going to talk to her. Shes not cute. No effort, convenient excuse, no rejection, self-esteem stays intact.
Example : Nah, Im not going to do online dating. Im not desperate. No effort, convenient excuse, no rejection, self-esteem stays intact.
See the parallels? Were not in high school anymore. Its okay to try.
So once you perform whatever mental gymnastics you need to overcome your ingrained beliefs, we arrive at a purely logical conclusion. To optimize your dating life, you need to meet as many women as possible and cast the widest net you can. Online dating is a natural and even necessary extension, because meeting people organically inevitably becomes too complicated, or simply slows to a trickle.
I also want to reiterate the point I made at the beginning of this chapter. The usage of online dating is through the roof, which means that people you know will see your profile. Embrace this, as youre being proactive and opening yourself up to vulnerability, which takes courage. And of course, youve seen their profile, so youre all in the same boat. Its like two men whose wives are friends who see each other in a gay strip club theres an unspoken bond of understanding and to some degree of nondisclosure.
Now that were ready to go full-steam ahead, we should explore a few unspoken truths of online dating.
Safety and comfort are threshold issues for women. If they dont feel like they have those with you, say goodbye to any chance of meeting them in person.
This is a big reason why dating apps like Coffee Meets Bagel have been so successful. Women feel exponentially more comfortable using it because it matches you only with friends of friends on Facebook. The network effect creates an implicit level of trust and validation that automatically removes you from the creeper/stranger danger zone.
But for non-networked online dating, you are a complete stranger who may or may not be a crazy felon. You are not required to provide any identifying information such as your Facebook account or full name, so they may not be able to Google you to discover that you volunteer at a childrens hospital weekly.
This means that your approach to women through online dating must combat this cautious approach, and engender feelings of safety and comfort. Overly aggressive online dating usually backfires, and you should err on the side of non-aggressiveness. Dont ask her to meet in an abandoned warehouse. You get the picture.
As someone who has created profiles for both genders, I know exactly what youre up against. Your average woman simply gets mobbed every day of the week. She will get in the neighborhood of 25-40 profile views, and 10-20 unsolicited messages a day. You can only imagine how it is for a highly desirable woman.
For the sake of comparison, a man is doing extremely well if hes getting 10 profile views a day, and 1 unsolicited message a day.
Can you imagine weeding out that many messages and profiles every day? They cant either so they dont. They end up discarding messages for any possible pretext, sometimes without even realizing it. Heres a womans train of thought when looking through her packed inbox:
- Bad profile picture? Delete.
- Blurry profile picture? Delete.
- Typo in message or profile? Delete.
- Bad joke? Delete.
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