Patrick King - Improve Your People Skills: Build and Manage Relationships, Communicate Effectively, Understand Others, and Become the Ultimate

By Patrick King, Social Interaction Specialist at www.PatrickKingConsulting.com

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Improve Your People Skills: Build and Manage Relationships, Communicate Effectively, Understand Others, and Become the Ultimate People Person

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1. Take Ownership and Responsibility

Chapter 2. Find Secondary Self-Interests

Chapter 3. Reform Toxic Habits

Chapter 4. Question Your Assumptions

Chapter 5. On Listening with Intent

Chapter 6. Emotional Intelligence

Chapter 7. Open the Door! Belief Police!

Chapter 8. The Four Communication Styles

Chapter 9. Walk a Mile

Chapter 10. The Value of Shutting Up

Chapter 11. Connect Instantly

Chapter 12. Workplace Tactics

Conclusion

Speaking and Coaching

Cheat Sheet

Patrick King 2019

In my opinion, one of the greatest movies in existence is Back to the Futurespecifically the first of the trilogy, though the third edition shouldnt be discounted. We can just forget the second movie ever happened, but I digress.

Its no secret among my friends that I love the movie, and that I have semi-serious aspirations to purchase a DeLorean someday. Disappointingly, this story is not about my fondness for all things 1980s.

A friend was hosting a dinner party that was a loosely veiled front for a matchmaking eventeach friend had to bring a single friend of the opposite sex, and we were told to dress to impress. This had the makings of a fun nightor so I thought.

All went well until I met Dorothy. She was pleasant at first, but when I happened to mention my love of Back to the Future, things turned sour. She made a face as if she had smelled a dirty diaper and proceeded to give me her opinion on Back to the Future, her theories on time travel, and every inconsequential plot hole in the movie.

Did you know that Michael J. Fox wasnt even the original actor cast for Marty McFly? He wasnt that great anyway.

Why didnt the characters just tell the truth to each other?

Why was Martys mom attracted to her own son? Its so unrealistic. (As if the glaring plot hole for a movie on time travel was being attracted to Michael J. Fox.)

After her monologue on the movie, it was clear her conclusion was that the movie was terrible, that I should feel bad for liking it, and that I was even a little bit terrible. Even after I tried to walk away from the conversation-turned-lecture, she cornered me by the pizza rolls later that night and tried to re-state her points and make sure I agreed.

I remember thinking at that point how she was one of the most annoying people I had ever met, but it wasnt until later that I was able to articulate why.

She was a full-blown, card-carrying member of the Belief Police. She was the person who would track you down just to tell you that you were wrong.

In these peoples minds, its unfathomable that people can have different beliefs and think differently from them. They cant stand the fact that you disagree with their perspective or come to a different conclusion, and they attempt to patrol your brain for disagreeable beliefs and thoughts.

These are the same people who will tell you that things based on your opinion or tastes are just plain wrong. They arent malicious, but this behavior comes from a stunning lack of self-awareness.

Awareness, openness, and listening are all cornerstones of becoming the consummate people personthe person in the room who can handle any situation and always knows how to react. It may seem like an understated part of life, but in reality, its the ability to get what you want, no matter what. We never deal and struggle with circumstanceswe deal and struggle with people. People are the gatekeepers, not your resume or anything else you might assume is more important than how well you interact with others.

These are teachable concepts, and though you might not be a member of the Belief Police, its often the smaller, more nuanced signals we send out that repel people, or make us less trustworthy and liked. You can call them interpersonal skills, people skills, or just how to get along with anyone. Whatever the label, they pave the path towards extraordinary relationships wherever you are.

I want to teach you the most important aspects of connecting with others and understanding them as a means to the action you want. Some of them seem counterintuitive, common sensical, or too nuanced to matterbut thats the thing; they do matter, and its peoples tendencies to completely ignore them that leads to an interrogation over pizza rolls. After all, if everything was obvious, you wouldnt be interested in this book, would you?

For the record, I didnt change my opinion on Back to the Future.

Traveling: the more you do it, the more you love itor hate it, because of the realities of travelers diarrhea and the jet lag that comes with shifting time zones.

Traveling means something different to all of us, but there is something we all have to get throughthe planning phase. If youre traveling with a friend, this can cause you to act in one of two ways during that phase.

If you know they love to plan and have a GPS functioning inside their brains, you will probably relax and blindly follow them. You might feel free to kick your feet up and trust that they know what they are doing. Youll put all of the responsibility into their hands and focus your attention elsewhere.

On the other hand, if you know and are aware that your friend is rubbish with a map and cant navigate his way out of a paper bag, you might approach your trip far differently.

Whats the difference in these two approaches? Youd either take ownership or not.

If you know your friend is useless at planning, you would take it upon yourself to be accountable for what happens during the trip because no one else would. Youd approach the trip far differently, and check every box required to make sure it went smoothly. Just knowing that you if you dont do anything things wont get done will make you mentally dig in for the long haul in a very different way.

Heres another example of ownership in action.

Suppose two people move to a new city. One decides to actively meet new people, and makes a point of being proactive about seeking out events to attend and activities to participate in. The other goes to work, and then goes straight home afterward, all the while wondering why he cant meet new people.

Clearly, one of these people in a new city will fare better than the other socially, and its all due to the degree of responsibility and ownership they hold towards their own fate. If you think its only up to you, chances are far greater that youll do something about it, whatever