Eric Davenport - Communication How to Speak Effectively and Improve Your Relationships, Listening, and Social Skills

Before you can improve your communication skills, you must know what obstacles you may encounter and need to overcome. This is what this chapter will address while the following chapters will help you to improve on the skills you may already possess.

Say what you mean. That sounds so simple, doesn't it? But it's easier said than done. It may be a clich, but it's a clich for a reason. All too often what we are trying to communicate gets lost in translation, no matter our intentions.

For example, you are quitting your job and you tell your boss that you think you must hand in your two weeks notice. Now your intent is to tell your boss that you are handing in your two weeks notice. However, your boss hears that you are only thinking about handing in your notice.

Do you see what happened there? In this scenario, you failed to communicate properly that you were quitting and your boss simply thought you were letting him know you were unhappy with the way things were. This is a scenario that you set up that will cause frustration and conflict between you and your boss.

So how do you fix this? You fix it by improving your communication skills and recognizing the barriers to effective communication.

Barriers to Effective Communication

Stress . When you are stressed or overwhelmed emotionally you are more likely to misunderstand other people. This leads to you sending confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals and falling into poor patterns of behavior. This in turn can lead to conflicts of varying degrees from confusion to vehement arguments. If you find this happening, you need to take a moment or two so that you can calm down before continuing the conversation.

Lack of focus . If you are multitasking, you aren't able to communicate effectively. You will miss vital nonverbal cues in the conversation if you are planning what you are going to say next, checking text messages, thinking about other tasks you have to do or even daydreaming due to boredom or disinterest in the topic of discussion. It is imperative that you stay focused on the experience as it is happening.

Inconsistent body language . Your nonverbal communication should reinforce what you are saying, not contradict it. As an example, you cannot say 'yes' to something while frowning or shaking your head 'no'. Having conflicting verbal and nonverbal communication will probably make your listener feel like you are being dishonest.

Negative body language . This may seem like it is part of inconsistent body language but it really isn't. If you really disagree with what is being said, it will show if you are not very careful. Perhaps you dislike the person conveying the message, that too can show through in your nonverbal cues. The most common forms of negative body language are crossing your arms, tapping of fingers or feet and avoiding eye contact. However, it can be something you don't even realize you are doing; such as, heaving sighs, eye rolling, or even making tsking sounds. You don't have to agree with what is being said or like the person saying it. However, in order to communicate effectively, you must be able to listen without making the other person defensive. To do this, you must avoid sending negative signals.

People often focus on what they should say. Effective communication is more about listening than talking. When you listen well, you will not only understand the information being offered but will also understand the emotions the speaker is communicating.

There is a difference between simply hearing what is being said and engaged listening. When you are engaged with what is being said you will hear the subtle tones of the speakers voice. Hearing those tones will tell you how the speaker is feeling and the emotions they are trying to convey. You will make the speaker feel heard and understood which will help to build a stronger relationship between you and the other person.