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From the creators of the popular online dating site HowAboutWe.com comes the definitive guide for navigating themodern dating world.
The single woman is having a moment. In the worlds of work,personal finances, and education, women are more successful than ever before.When it comes to dating, they're happy to take their time exploring lots ofdifferent relationships before deciding if they want to settle down. Womentoday, like the generations of women before them, want to fall in love. But theywant it to happen organically, at its own pace, and with the right person.
Rather than listing a set of rules, Modern Dating offers advice on modern challenges, like how to send arelatively unembarrassing sext, how to create a failproof first date idea, andhow to make sure you're getting into a relationship for the right reasons.Instead of telling you How to Win a Husband in Just 3 EasySteps !, it will gently guide you through all the triumphs andpitfalls of what dating is actually like, from one-night stands, to confusingtexts and emails, to your first online date.
Frank, funny, and totally relatable, this is a book thatreally gets at how women are dating todaythe ideal travel companion for yourdating life. The only rule is that there are no rules, but this book will bethere for guidance, or just for laughs, every step of the way.
Chiara Atik is a writer and bloggerrecently described by Gawker as The Girl You WishYou Knew When You Moved to New York. Her writing has been featured on Elle.com , Glamour.com , The Hairpin, Today.com , and YahooShine . She was New York editor of GuestofaGuest.com and has been writing about dating for HowAboutWe.com since 2010.
MODERN
DATING
A Field Guide
From the experts at
HowaboutWe
Chiara Atik
Foreward by Brian Schechter
& Aaron Schildkrout
To all the women everywhere
taking that final big breath before a first date,
we dedicate this book.
C O N T E N T S
TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY SINGLE
HOW TO GET DATES
TAKING THE ONLINE PLUNGE
FIRST DATES
DATING
SEX
THE FIRST SIX MONTHS
FOREWORD
On the morning we launched HowAboutWe.com , Chiara Atik wrote an article for the website Guest of aGuest titled HowAboutWe.com: A Dating Site We Might AllActually Use.
The headline captured exactly the spirit behind HowAboutWe. Wewanted to build a truly modern dating website that was about having experienceswith new people in the real world. It would be the offline dating site andwould be centered around people suggesting How about we date ideas. It wouldbe the first dating site that was natural andnot lame. Chiarawhom we had nevermetunderstood what we were trying to build: a dating site we might actuallyuse.
We had the good fortune to meet Chiara that evening at a happyhour; we knew right away that, indeed, she did get it . She saw in HowAboutWe a new way of dating thatmatched the radically new romantic ethos and desires of our generation. Chiaraherself was a muse of sorts for this new outlook.
A few months later, Chiara joined the HowAboutWe team andbecame a central voice for our blog, The DateReport , chronicling the intricacies of modern dating. She has borne closewitness to the growth of HowAboutWe (over the past two years, more than amillion people have joined the site) and has become a thoughtful, delightfullyoutspoken advocate for our generations inventive take on romance.
Last year, the three of us decided together that it would beamazing if Chiara wrote, as an expert from HowAboutWe, a comprehensive fieldguide to modern dating.
Its a timely project. Not only is our generation stayingsingle longer than any generation in history, we are also doing so in a far morecomplex, nuanced, and... well... modern landscape: texting, sexting, longer life expectancy, unprecedented sexual andeconomic freedom for women, the INTERNET!, a dramatic new spirit ofindividualism and entrepreneurism, and so on. Modern dating needs a fieldguide.
Chiaras basic mission is to free dating from the antiquatednotion that being single is a problem to solve. Modern dating isnt merely ameans to an end. Its no longer just about the happily-ever-after.
Modern dating is fundamentally about choice. Whom will you bewith? How will you meet that person? How will you act? What will you dotogether? How do you decide what to share and what not to share? These arequestions about who you are and what you want. ModernDating: A Field Guide is here not to lay down a set of rules orjudgments, but to support you in finding an approach to dating that feels right for you.
There is something about Chiaras attitudejudgment-free,intriguingly insightful, independent, and cheeringthat gives you, the reader,total permission to figure out the dating life you want.
Chiara eloquently tells usthrough stories, interviews, data,lists, graphics, and punchy prosethe story of modern dating. Its aboutfirst-date butterflies and figuring out what you really want from arelationship. Its about meeting each others friends and apartment hunting andgoing to your friends weddings and fighting and making up and falling in love.Its an experience worth having.
Brian Schechter and Aaron Schildkrout
Co-founders, HowAboutWe.com
TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY
SINGLE
YOU SAY SINGLE
LIKE ITS A BAD THING
T HERE ARE a billion and one reasons why you might be single. Maybe you just got out of a serious relationship. Maybe youve decided to take a break from men for a while. Maybe taking a break from men is the last thing you want, and you cant imagine committing to just one. And of course, maybe you do want a relationship, but you just arent in one right now.
Whatever the reason, the point is, youre single right now, and whether its by circumstance or design, you might as well enjoy it as best you can. Because being single, at least in the way women get to be single today, is a luxury our mothers and grandmothers didnt have.
For centuries and centuries, a womans lot in life was based on the supposition that she would get married, and the sooner the better. In the Middle Ages, a girl would live in her parents house until the ripe old age of seventeen or so, at which point her father would march her down the aisle and hand her off to a husband. The next twenty-five years would be spent getting pregnant, narrowly escaping death during childbirth, and picking out new tapestries for the castle great room, or whatever it was that women did back then. (Peasant women basically did the same thing, minus the tapestries and plus a good ten hours a day of toiling away in the fields with a baby strapped to their backs.) The only exceptions to the rule? Nuns and prostitutes, aka celibacy and syphilis. So, yes, the Middle Ages were pretty bleak.
As the centuries went on, things for women got better, but not by much. Women in colonial America were finally able to inherit their husbands property, thus providing some of the first examples of American female autonomy. And never-married women who could scrape together enough money could often manage to buy cottages, where they would lead relatively quiet lives and do their best to avoid anyone suspecting them of being a witch.