Andy Stanley - The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating

This is the perfect book for my life right now. I see the things this book warns against every day in the dating relationships around me. Every line is tweet-able!

John Luke Robertson, actor, Duck Dynasty

Andys new rules for love, sex, and dating are so wise, so compelling, so clear that I want every single friend I have to read this book, and I want to save a couple copies for my boys, so they can read it in a decade or so.

Shauna Niequist, author of Bread and Wine

Having experienced more than my fair share of destructive, harmful dating relationships, I can authoritatively say that Andys views on the matter are clear and convicting. Andy so beautifully conveys the message of the unfathomable grace of God, leaving you free to turn a leaf and begin a new dating chapter, making better decisions and living with fewer regrets.

Maggie Bridges, Miss Georgia 2014

Andy Stanley was my pastor until I moved to LA. His teaching shaped my life and continues to influence me through his online broadcast. Im definitely a fan and Im convinced, after reading The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating, that you will be as well.

Ben Winchell, actor, Max Steel

No one speaks more powerfully and practically into the issues of dating and marriage in the twenty-first century than Andy Stanley. The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating is an exceptional resource for anyone seeking to navigate challenging relationship waters and survive in a culture thats confused and complex. Straightforward. Graceful. Truthful. Needed.

Louie Giglio, Passion City Church, Passion Conferences

Other Books by Andy Stanley

Ask It

Deep and Wide

Enemies of the Heart

The Grace of God

How to Be Rich

Making Vision Stick

Principle of the Path

When Work and Family Collide

ZONDERVAN

The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating

Copyright 2014 by Andy Stanley

ePub Edition January 2015: ISBN 978-0-310-34220-5

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Stanley, Andy.

The new rules for love, sex, and dating / Andy Stanley. 1st [edition].

pages cm

ISBN 978-0-310-34219-9 (softcover)

1. Sex Religious aspects Christianity. 2. Dating (Social customs) Religious aspects Christianity. 3. Love Religious aspects Christianity. I. Title.

BT708.S825 2015

241.664 dc23

2014040217

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from The Holy Bible, King James Version.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American StandardBible. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by the author or Zondervan, nor does the author or Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Cover photography: MaxyM / Shutterstock

Interior design: Beth Shagene

First Printing November 2014

To my friends from 4th and Peachtreewho carried their HFITFCall the way to the altar.

CONTENTS

If I Were You

I n 1986 I was handed the reins of a struggling youth group attached to a flourishing downtown church in the city of Atlanta. It was there, on the corner of 4th and Peachtree, that I gave my first talk on the subject matter contained in these pages. The teenagers who put up with me as I honed my communication skills have teenagers of their own now. Many of them are friends. A handful work with me. To those of you who remember or perhaps still have your original copy of the How Far Is Too Far Chart, thank you. Sandra and I often comment that those were perhaps the best and most productive years of our lives.

To John Raymond at Zondervan, thank you. Your instant enthusiasm around this content is a big part of why I considered tackling this project in the first place. While I insisted it had all been said before, you convinced me it needed to be said again. Thank you.

As most authors know, its easy to start a book. Finishing is another story. When it comes to publishing, Suzy Gray is the reason I finish what I start. Thank you, Suzy. Thank you for your attention to detail. Thank you for reading, rereading, and reading again. You make things better. You certainly made this book better.

Finally, thank you, Sandra. Thank you for the nights and mornings you walked quietly through the house when you knew I was in my zone. Thank you for listening when I felt compelled to read out loud. Thank you for the occasional I dont think you should say that. I didnt. Im more in love with you than ever. If I knew then what I know now, I would marry you again, only sooner!

I have three children, two boys and a girl. Theyre all in college. If youre reading this book three or more years after the original publication date, I hope theyre out by now. But as of this afternoon, theyre all tucked away in a library studying their hearts out. I hope.

When my sons got to the magic age when traditional fathers have the traditional talk, I informed them we were going to handle the situation a bit differently. Instead of an awkward fifteen-minute talk, we were going to begin an awkward fifteen-year conversation. And we did. Why this approach? Well, most boys are introduced to the topic of sex before they are actually interested in sex. By the time theyre actually interested in sex, theyve forgotten all those fascinating insights their fathers shared. Every year or two requires some review and something new. So I did my best to keep the conversation alive and current.

Its still a bit awkward at times. But we make eye contact now. I assured them early on that transparency in matters related to love, sex, and dating wouldnt land them in time out or worse. Everybody struggles. Everybody faces similar temptations. Everybody has regrets. So as we begin this awkward journey together, I thought it might be helpful to begin with some of the stuff my grown-up children and I talk about. Stuff weve all observed. For example, we live in a highly sexualized culture. Images in contemporary advertisements are more graphic than previous generations pornography. Sex is leveraged to sell just about everything. Actually, the promise of no-strings-attached sex with a way-above-average-lookingperson is used to sell just about everything. Sexual scandals among politicians, athletes, and celebrities elicit yawns. Infidelity is woven into the plot of just about every form of entertainment that involves a plot.

Nothing new there. But it does remind me of one of my finer parenting moments.

When Andrew, our oldest, was in ninth grade, everybody was watching