Alison Throckmorton - Feathered & Fabulous

V anessas blood alcohol content is higher than her IQ. M y future is marriage or murder. R X T he secret to growing old gracefully? M arry a plastic surgeon. I ts all fun and games until youre single, childless, independently wealthy... wait, never mind. A t this point, Maeve was held together by shapewear, pills, and rage. H er legs were her best asset, and Patrice wasnt afraid to show them off. E laine hated golf, so she spent most of the time at the clubhouse, drinking too many bellinis and gossiping with the other wives. B ernadette knew the haircut was edgy, but she didnt expect to get hit on by both baristas, who were obviously in their 20s. B arbara hasnt had sex in six years... A fter husband number three left with her dignity and most of her money, Justine found it hard to keep giving a damn. M uch to her familys dismay, Sheila decided it was time to shed the stereotypes of her age and go to Burning Man. F elice worried that she had taken the New Year, New You concept too far. D espite her ex-husbands exhaustive stupidity, Marion refused to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. L ilian always looked her best, despite always being hungover. T oo much was a term Regina didnt care to acknowledge. D espite raving from the other women, Lucille had never heard of Costco and never plans to visit. C aroline felt a thrill knowing that soon she wouldnt have to listen to Gregorys bullshit anymore. T hough Imogen believed in love, she also believed in a stiff drink and a CPA who knows when to keep his mouth shut. Im on a diet of alcohol and vitriol. J oanna listened with growing exasperation as Frederick explained exactly how she should feel. E sme knew that revenge is a dish best served cold. E sme knew that revenge is a dish best served cold.

Until then, however, a frozen margarita would have to do. B eatrice refused to dine alone, so she brought her emotional baggage along with her. D eep down Vera knew... she should have bought a fourth bottle of wine.